to not invite my sister for Christmas?

[NameChangedforThis3036]

Our mother died in late August of dementia. Our dad died about a decade ago. I have three kids of university age. My sister has no kids as she never really wanted them, and she married a horrible man who had an affair and then left her.

I feel completely and utterly shattered after my mum's illness and death. I long, long, long to have Christmas with just my husband and kids, and no one else. I am dead with exhaustion after this year. Sis did more care, as she had more time, but obvs the whole thing is/was awful for us both.

Would I be unreasonable not to invite my sister for Christmas? She'll be on her own otherwise or have to go to friends, as our parents are gone and she's getting divorced. I know it sounds awful but I'm just so strung out. And I love Christmas just us.

Help!

You sound like a very cold and selfish person. I wouldn't bet on your children wanting to spend Christmas with you in the future. And your husband might feel he would be better off with a partner who isn't quite as unpleasant as you. Or alone.

Irrelevant. Lost my dad and despite working fulltime with a disabled son, I helped car for him. I would have had my sister for inch anyway. You are just an unpleasant person. Enjoy your last Christmas as a three!

Care…
lunch…

Bit late to this thread but, for what it's worth, I understand the OP's position.

I would feel the same, I am sick of years of accommodating parents, in-laws and the like all with no car. I just want to be on my own now with Dh and the young adult kids until they don't come any more.

If I had to spend Christmas on my own I wouldn't care much, It's made too much of in my opinion.

Difference is, I am neurodiverse, willing to admit I am selfish, and don't like people much. In your case OP I would probably cave because of the guilt, but I'd be miserable.

The irony of typing this and then calling someone unpleasant.

crack on…

I've lost both my parents and I think that your justifications for not inviting your sister are pathetic and self-serving.

What your sister did for your mum was amazing and selfless, involving huge sacrifices, including giving up her job. You hardly acknowledge never mind appreciate the sacrifices she made to care for your mum.

I think she has deliberately chosen to work because Christmas will be hard for her and she doesn't expect an invitation from you.

But OP hasn't accommodated anyone because she has spent Christmases with just her husband and children for five years while her sister spent those five Christmases looking after their mum with dementia.

I suspect OP is enjoying us all telling her how horrible she’s being - perverse and disturbing!
Professional help is needed.

It’s one extra person (and also your sister!)

I would understand if it was a whole host of rowdy extended family but one extra body when she’s had a bloody hard year and is going through a divorce isn’t so bad is it??

You seem to blame her for her awful husband but maybe she’s been trapped and is trying to escape now and wants respite not loneliness over Xmas. One of my sisters doesn’t have kids but she loves mine and I wouldn’t exclude her because “if she wanted a family Xmas she would’ve had a family herself” 😳

You say this but me and my siblings do one year with our parents and every other year with in laws. And we arranged it so we spend the same year at our parents for a family Christmas together with partners. So every other year my parents don’t have their kids with them and they do something else.

In the end she says she’s just got one kid and that she was lying before.
op really comes off horribly! So glad she’s not my sister

Yeah I read the full compliment of replies after posting and my mind was so blown that I didn’t even bother correcting 🤯

Anyone who refers to themselves, their spouse and their one child as The Three Musketeers is automatically unreasonable

I have. And yes I think you are awful too.

This.

I think a lot of people wouldn't really call having one extra adult who is staying elsewhere "hosting".

In the circs you'd surely just do what you felt up to doing?

All the bygone years of being forced into doing what you didn't want aren't really relevant are they & not o Op's sister's doing!

Ah well, a happy ending anyway!🙄

But you're not?

OP you really need to walk away. You are not going to get the affirmation you are looking for in this thread. Also, you are just digging the hole deeper.

takes out tiny violin

I know right - I am an only DC and DS19 is an only due to my health issues. I don’t want him to feel obliged to spend Christmas with us, I love it that he does but know that when he has a serious partner or DW, things will change.
How welcoming for your DCs partner to know that her DM sees them as the three musketeers- I guess there was a follow up with four, so new partner may eventually be allowed into inner sanctum, but probably booted out for future grandchildren.

I do think you're being heartless OP and I don't in any way shape or form understand your obsession with Christmas being just with your own nuclear family (whilst stopping your adult child from being with her partner) and excluding your own sister, your only remaining birth relative.
And by your own admission your already had several "nuclear family Christmasses"
To me, Christmas time is all about spending it with as wide a family as possible. My best times have been with sisters, brother, in laws nieces and nephews, plus (always) MiL all crammed round the table. Imo Christmas should be all about family and extended family.

@NameChangedforThis3036 - I’m interested to know WHY you bothered creating this thread. What were you hoping to gain from it?

a fair number of people have posted that you are BU. But you don’t seem to have any interest in hearing those points of view. Which leads me to ask - why bother?

Why would she want you there, when you are so toxic? She will want just her family there. Her husband and children. You would be intruding.

This is why l love being a nurse: family members think they can fob any caring stuff onto you. For the record l have dove more than my fair share between work and my own children 🙄