to not invite my sister for Christmas?

[NameChangedforThis3036]

Our mother died in late August of dementia. Our dad died about a decade ago. I have three kids of university age. My sister has no kids as she never really wanted them, and she married a horrible man who had an affair and then left her.

I feel completely and utterly shattered after my mum's illness and death. I long, long, long to have Christmas with just my husband and kids, and no one else. I am dead with exhaustion after this year. Sis did more care, as she had more time, but obvs the whole thing is/was awful for us both.

Would I be unreasonable not to invite my sister for Christmas? She'll be on her own otherwise or have to go to friends, as our parents are gone and she's getting divorced. I know it sounds awful but I'm just so strung out. And I love Christmas just us.

Help!

Ooof the full-on “my little family” stuff can be so grim. The poor sister!

If you aren't 'that into your first family' now you have your own family, you should reject your inheritance from your mum (your first family) and let your sister have it all, seeing as she sacrificed her job and her relationship to look after your mum while you sacrificed absolutely nothing.

And the Three Musketeers took in D'Artagnan when he was on his own...

Well aren’t you lucky. Your mean girl character can stay hidden from your sister for another year. Yay for you.

For heaven’s sake, just our three little musketeer group 🙄 you sound ridiculous.

6 months after your mother is next February, according to your OP.

Weird how so many details are changing.

This thread is so upsetting. I lost my mother recently and I understand the pain. And trust me, the pain of doing the care is a million times worse than doing the ‘admin’ and a few journeys up the motorway.

I cannot believe that anyone would leave someone, mourning as much as your sister will be, alone that first Christmas (unless there is a terrible backstory which there isn’t here).

I doubt very much that you’ve spent years bending over backwards for others, it’s more likely you just haven’t been able to do quite what you want.

Your feelings of guilt are because you are planning to do something despicable. Listen to them.

Fine, he died a month after. Just trying to obscure some details for privacy. I probably don't have to worry since I doubt she uses Mumsnet, but still.

And they probably knew their Christmas off duty ages ago too. I reckon she knew what was coming and did a few shift swaps to keep busy.

The 'my little family' people are always incredibly toxic and selfish in my experience. I have never heard anyone refer to their parents/siblings as their first family either, so strange. OP your sister is so much better off working than with you so let's just count this as a win for everyone involved.

The 3 of you may be what you want for Christmas, but is it what your DD wants?

Growing up when it was just my parents and I at Christmas, the day was always unbelievably boring. Not calm, cosy and cheerful. Just boring with nothing to do.

And she really doesn't care either!!! Not even slightly put out by all the comments!!😂

Oh I’m so glad you’re not my sister.
Or mother.
Or daughter, actually.
Christmas is supposed to be about love and togetherness, old traditions, new traditions, the touchpoint for family after another year of life’s changes.
Guess you never got the memo.

I actually hope that when the OP's daughter gets married, it is to a man with a lovely jolly Irish mother with five children, who takes in every waif and stray at Christmas, and that the OP's daughter absolutely loves the big manic family Christmases and wants to spend every Christmas with her in laws.

I hope the lovely kind mother in law who gets on the OP's nerves invites both the OP and her sister for Christmas because she can't bear the thought of them being left out, and that the OP spends her last 20 Christmas Days squeezed in between her son in law's widowed aunt and an elderly neighbour who they only met last week, eating her roast dinner off a party plate and pining for the days of the Three Musketeers whilst chaos unfolds around her and her sister is having a lovely time at the other end of the table.

Ebenezer Scrooge learned what Christmas is supposed to be about late in life. Perhaps the OP will too.

I know! She must be SO thick skinned!!!

We don’t care.

OP I've never been convinced that adults can change fundamental parts of their personality so I won't criticise you. Chances are that your sister has realistic expectations of you by now so hopefully she won't be disappointed.

Be realistic with your DD though. There will come a time where she's going to want to do Christmas differently and you won't be the priority.

Oh my God, are you kidding that you were going to leave her alone after her partner also died?!!!!

It was OP’s mums partner who died after the mum. First she said it was 6 months after, now it’s 1 month.

My conclusion, none of this is real.

Yep. As an only child myself it's very clear that my mother wants me to spend every Christmas with them but that wouldn't be fair to my DP. I feel bad for the OP's daughter, she's probably worried about saying that she wants things to be different this Christmas.

It was OP’s mums partner who died after the mum. First she said it was 6 months after, now it’s 1 month.

Her mum died in late August. Which means the partner died this week if 1 month is to be believed.

My opinion is that the original story is the true one and OP is now trying to backtrack and look better.

Could you suggest going out for Christmas dinner and then after the meal back to separate houses so that you get a large chunk of the day just you, your husband and kids, but your sister gets much needed company too plus you don’t have to host?