to not invite my sister for Christmas?

[NameChangedforThis3036]

Our mother died in late August of dementia. Our dad died about a decade ago. I have three kids of university age. My sister has no kids as she never really wanted them, and she married a horrible man who had an affair and then left her.

I feel completely and utterly shattered after my mum's illness and death. I long, long, long to have Christmas with just my husband and kids, and no one else. I am dead with exhaustion after this year. Sis did more care, as she had more time, but obvs the whole thing is/was awful for us both.

Would I be unreasonable not to invite my sister for Christmas? She'll be on her own otherwise or have to go to friends, as our parents are gone and she's getting divorced. I know it sounds awful but I'm just so strung out. And I love Christmas just us.

Help!

Try reading the full thread, @SALaw!

Scarred you? Oh bless. This can t be real. No one is that much of a bitch.

You slipped up there @NameChangedforThis3036 . Your Mother died in late August this year but your Sister's partner died 6 months after your Mother? Aye. Right!

Apparently it's actually a month. So...today?! 😬

As I've already said once upthread, I'm changing some details for security, as people commonly do when they don't want to be outed. It's hardly a mystery. My mum's passing in late August isn't totally accurate. Death dates are very outing.

So you say. Now.

Do you even have a sister or have you changed that detail too.

Username checks out.

OK, I'm going to leave this here. I've just lost my mum, don't feel up to hosting, and my sis is a big girl. We're not in our early twenties. Thanks for all the understanding and condolences. 🙄

Then why did you even start this?

The story has only changed since her arse was handed to her on a plate.

Newsflash: there is no such thing as a natural caregiver. We learn how to care for others by doing it. Nobody finds it easy.

Changed lots of details that were outing, but now happy to share them freely? Yeah, right.

My mum would have confidently said exactly the same thing as you.

Right up until after my dad died and I went NC with her.

A previous poster was spot on - You reap what you sow.

Yes, protecting your family and maintaining boundaries against things that can cause harm not against including well loved and deserving family members in celebrations! You have a very screwed up idea of protection and boundaries.

Gosh, how nice for you knowing your daughter isn’t a heartless, selfish cow like her mum. I’ve read every single one of your posts and you should be ashamed of yourself. Karma is a bitch and you’ll need to watch out.

You have one child and a husband. Men usually die before women and your Dd will likely have her Dh family to see. In a few years the boot may well be on the other foot…

I think not inviting her for Christmas would be an incredibly selfish and awful thing to do.

@NameChangedforThis3036

I wasn't going to reply on this thread but your comments about your sister being the natural care giver because that's her job, whereas you would be scarred by it really got to me.
Caring for strangers is completely different to caring for your own mother.
My mother is in steep decline, its awful to witness but I won't walk away from her.

Ok. So my last comment got deleted. I'll try to be more polite.

My husband is non-contact with his whole family as he was left to care for his dying mother while his siblings used their children as the excuse that "didn't have the time". They are now out if his life for good. Apart from his two nieces who have just realised what an "utter bitch" their mother was at the time.

I truly hope your daughter has the same realisation.

I actually think that in any case when it comes to being a carer it's fine to know your limits and only do what you're able to. Others are free to make that choice too.

It's the lack of gratitude here that's really sad though.

Are others free to make that choice though? What if the entire family makes that choice? Usually SOMEONE has to do it even if there are professional care givers involved too.

Yes. We've had members of our family where there wasn't anyone able to provide the level of care needed so they went into a suitable care home. Lots of families are in that situation.