to not invite my sister for Christmas?

[NameChangedforThis3036]

Our mother died in late August of dementia. Our dad died about a decade ago. I have three kids of university age. My sister has no kids as she never really wanted them, and she married a horrible man who had an affair and then left her.

I feel completely and utterly shattered after my mum's illness and death. I long, long, long to have Christmas with just my husband and kids, and no one else. I am dead with exhaustion after this year. Sis did more care, as she had more time, but obvs the whole thing is/was awful for us both.

Would I be unreasonable not to invite my sister for Christmas? She'll be on her own otherwise or have to go to friends, as our parents are gone and she's getting divorced. I know it sounds awful but I'm just so strung out. And I love Christmas just us.

Help!

What's the point in changing details so as not to be 'outing' and then changing them to be (presumably) real? Either way I still feel incredibly sorry for the sister. And I think it's very dangerous to assume the one (or 2 or 3) child/ren will never leave Mummy on her own for Christmas. I bloody would

What's the point in changing details so as not to be 'outing' and then changing them to be (presumably) real? Either way I still feel incredibly sorry for the sister. And I think it's very dangerous to assume the one (or 2 or 3) child/ren will never leave Mummy on her own for Christmas. I bloody would

I really ope you realise, upon reflection, that you’re being unreasonable. Given your posts, I doubt it, but please try to take in some of the responses.

You are being unimaginably cruel with regards to your sister.

I am hoping that this isn’t real, because to display this level of disregard and, quite frankly, contempt for your sisters life and what she’s been through is disgusting.

If you take nothing else from this thread, I hope you realise that your sister is superior to you on pretty much every level imaginable. You have shown no redeeming qualities in any of your replies.

I am sorry that you’ve lost your mum, it’s heartbreaking.

This is aimed at women me for daring not to have children - this is your future.

I don't know how to edit 🫣 but I also don't believe a word of it - total fabrication to wind everyone up. 1/10.

Perhaps you should go back and read your own OP, OP. The one that says your mother died in August and that you're all shattered and feared from this recent death. August being last month, not last year.

So none of your dribble is true, it seems. What an empty life you clearly have

This is awful.

It is not a wind-up at all. I've lost my mum and don't feel up to hosting this year. We are in our fifties and sis has her own life. As for the latest pointing out details that don't add up, for the third time, of course I've changed some of the details. People commonly do, when they don't want something to be outing.

Sadly I don’t think this is a wind up and people as awful as the OP really do walk among us.

OP it's the way you are, your mind is made up, guilt won't make any difference to what you've decided.

I am sorry for your loss it's hard seeing a parent suffer even if you weren't the carer.

You could ask for this thread to be moved

I’m not sure that this is the year to say “just us” if I’m honest. Especially as she did more of the work looking after your Mum. And all whilst going through a divorce.

I’d do it next year.

It’s just a day and you can have time with just your husband and kids another time.

By all means say “it’s going to be a quiet one, I won’t be doing a lot re xyz” but this is really not the year, of all years, to cut out your sister.

I think that you have to be prepared for your sister to give up on having a meaningful relationship with you if you choose not to show her kindness where you can. You can't treat someone badly and then expect them to be ok with you when you decide that you are ready for a relationship again.

We don't know the details of you and your sisters relationship so that might be fine with you.

I suspect the sister has said she's working to get out of having to see OP's face. Who can blame her.

I don’t think you need be concerned about your sister impinging on your ‘3 Musketeers’ set up again. She sounds like an intelligent woman who is well aware of what an arsehole you are, so has made an excuse for Christmas. She probably feels set free from having anything to do with you now your mother has sadly gone.

Hi OP, I imagine your sister knew exactly what kind of stunt you were going to play - and I imagine both her & your mum felt very let down and disappointed by your selfishness when your sister was caring for your mum - and realised it was pointless bringing it up with you.
A couple of drives and some admin does not equate to what your sister has done & suffered through.

I'm glad it's worked out and your sister has made her own plans, but I hope you realise that you are not a good person OP. You see some selfish or sad threads on this site, but this has undoubtedly been one of the worst I've read.
I think you know that though, and when you sit down to eat your dinner at christmas with your nuclear family, I think you'll probably still have that feeling of guilt in the back of your throat. You've ruined your own 'last' christmas with 'the three musketeers' through your own unkindness and exclusion.

It would have been a very different feeling if you'd generously extended the invitation, as I imagine your sister had already made her own plans - and you'd both have been fine.
You've got to come to terms with the truth of knowing the deficiencies of your personal character now though.

Miserable and disturbing.

Changing a few details or outright lying? If you genuinely only have 1 DC then you may very well end up being alone at Xmas in the future or your DH could end up being alone. And what if you or DH needs care? Hope your daughter isn't a care giver either

@lunarpossumyou have articulated what i wanted to write.

I do hope the OP experiences karma in this life

New theory: sister deliberately chose to work over Christmas so that she wouldn’t have to spend any time with OP. She’s been through enough this year.

My theory is this is one of those threads that's designed specifically to cause upset and division from Russia . A bit like the flags, migrant hotels, benefits, council housing, Charlie Kirk , Trump, Reform threads . We all feel just a little bit more sad and hopeless at humanity.

I think we are being played like a fiddle.

Still think you are awful.

Have you lost both your parents?

Your sister has also lost both her parents.