to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL

[GooseAndSandals]

I’ll start with one of my less dark ones. I didn’t care when my father died.

I’m the same. When someone dies and they go oh while they where taken to soon so young about say a 70 year old relative.

Everyone dies one day if you’ve managed to hit retirement age and have a couple of years you’ve done it all really.

@MyDogIsAKnobhead yes of course, assuming they had a good relationship. I'm sorry about your Mum. Losing a good one young is still 1000 times better than not having a good one to begin with.

Can you update us after the event, please? I am intrigued....

Same with me. My father too. I was the family scapegoat but I always hoped they loved me in their own way but couldn't show it. My father's dying and I was the only one not told he was ill and in the hospital. When I complained I was screamed at and blamed . They'll never change and I finally realise they've never loved me. And I just don't care now.

I (46) have come to realise I was a shit mum when my lot were little. I was only a teen when I had my first two and although outwardly my parents pretended to support me they did none of the guiding I needed. I prioritised fun and socialising and men over my kids sometimes and I hate myself for it. I drank a lot and my house was a mess.
I still drink too much but my life is under control and the house is lovely and I think I've made amends but I still am absolutely self loathing about it.
My kids are grown up and all thriving and I have a very good job so guess things could have gone very differently but I do wish id done better.

My mum died last year and then two months later my dog died very unexpectedly....I took two dogs into the vets and came out with one. When I tell people, they give me far more sympathy about my mum but I was devastated to lose my dog and relieved when my mum died.

I can't stand it when people tell me about their illnesses and the illnesses of all their family and friends because it sets off my health anxiety.

I'm not sure whether my 'sweet' personality is actually me or a strategically constructed facade. I'm not a bad person and have a strong conscience, but I have quite mean thought about friends.

I think a cottage in the grounds would be more suitable.

We can't change the past, crap isn't it? But if you look at all the awful posts here that MNers have made about their terrible parents, they're not complaining about having a messy house, or an immature single mum. They complain about never being loved, being betrayed, or abandoned. As kids we are actually (mostly) quite forgiving and understanding of our parent's failings, as long as we knew we were loved and our parents came good for us in the end.

Maybe speak to your kids about it and clear the air, if you feel really strongly about it don't leave things unsaid.

So sorry. If you can't make your parents happy it is probably because they are still grieving the loss of your sibling. Bet they are much happier now than if they had lost both of you.

There’s this saying, I think it was Maya Angelou, (but I’m not sure) “when you know better, you do better.” You did better. It sounds like you did quite a bit right as they are grown up and thriving.

Agreed.

Genitals - too hairy, too salty, too wrinkly, too wet, and potentially smelly and sweaty. GROSS.

Sounds ideal 😂

This is a great thread.

Sending love to all of those hurting.

I have never spoken to her about it. There was a pattern of behaviour that continued in different but sexually directed way. Finally broke contact. Hard to do. Speak about it very little.

I second this @ABMSATT. Please find someone to talk to. A few years ago I wouldn't be able to understand where you're coming from, but after some horrific health stuff and being introduced to chronic pain, I can understand. But you can't let the fuckers win. Get yourself out in nature and please try to remember that this is your life to enjoy. You don't owe anyone anything and you have free will! Go do the things that bring you joy xx

Yes!! Me too. I can’t believe that road is allowed. They’ve spent so much money building improved crash barriers in other motorways due to safety issues. But left a flimsy one on that section with a 50 metre drop on the other side!? It’s madness.

I long to live on my own, but I'm afraid I'll be lonely when it happens. Dh has a life limiting disease so it will likely happen at some point and I go between being ok and feeling prepared for it and feeling petrified of having to deal with everything by myself.

Both our dc have additional needs and I sometimes (internally) blame dh and wish I hadn't had kids with him (still want my dc but without the aen)

I can understand this feeling. Ppl who haven’t lost someone young probably wouldn’t - they have no idea how lucky they are. A friend of mine lost one of her grandparents after we’d graduated from university - it was the first loss she’d had and I admit to feeling pretty much like you. As I say, she had no idea how lucky she’d been. Doesn’t make her a bad person obviously, but the impact it has on you when you’re young lasts a lifetime and shapes who you become definitely. It couldn’t not really. I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’ll try to remember!

Thank you and also to the other poster who replied to me. I had to grow up as well as raise babies when I hadn't reached adulthood myself. We did have fun and they were certainly always loved, I just made some silly mistakes and if I'm honest was a bit neglectful although they were always with me.

One of them is messaging me now asking to meet on Friday eve as we've not seen each other in a while 😊

Sounds like you did all right with the kids. Seeing a parent enjoy life, messy house and booze or not, is better than anxiously witnessing a wretched loveless marriage and growing up thinking THAT's what life is about.

As PP said, you can always talk to them about it if you feel really bad!

I use tweezers to pull out ten pubes per day

Playing doctors and nurses as kids I’m four years older and wonder if it was a weird abuse (by me) as I was older (both primary school ages)

My dad used to play ‘touch tongues’ with us as kids and I can’t stand ‘French kissing’ as an adult but not sure if it was an innocent ish game or not

I don't think I've ever felt as horny as I did when playing doctors and nurses as a child!!!!!! 😬