to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL

[GooseAndSandals]

I’ll start with one of my less dark ones. I didn’t care when my father died.

I get really sad and anxious around my birthday. Every year.

I think everyone will have forgotten about me and that I will feel invisible.

I still have a childhood obsession with counting the number of cards I receive and gauging my success in life on the amount.

I'm relieved when it's over and just find the whole day stressful.

Its crazy because I have a lovely DH and children who always remember and make sure I have a cake, cards and a balloon. Because of him I've managed to dampen down my fears but this year it is a big birthday and my anxiety is through the roof. I can feel it ramping up and I'm angry with myself because it makes me feel ungrateful for what I do have.

I'm pretty sure it goes back to childhood anxiety.

Same here. Dementia on both sides of my family. My Dad and his two siblings started quite early (70ish). I'm 61 and terrified.

I hate myself & how I look, always have. I’d happily take a knife & cut the fat off. I’ve just ordered wegovy & I’m terrified (of side effects & cost).

@LayeredlikeanOnion thank you xx I was worried to share as I didn't want to be accused of being pervy and get people angry. I generally am sharing as per title in that I can never tell anyone and will never. I don't intend to be pervy at all.

I'm too embarrassed to say one of them but the other one is I find large labia really really attractive. When women comment about how much they're unhappy with theirs I feel for them as I find them beautiful

I had an abortion at 21 and chose to have a later termination so I didn't have to deal with passing fetus. I was immature, going out with a drug addict and pretty involved myself. Now, at 49 and with 18 and 16 yr olds (both me and my first almost died at 30 weeks) my decision haunts me. I had no idea at the time how developed a 15 week baby could be and I hate that version of me that was so self absorbed.

Just to add, I am still completely pro choice but I wish one of the many medics I saw then had explained my decision to me. Nobody ever said anything. They just looked sad and repeatedly offered me woman's refuge advice. In my mind I didn't need it. I probably did.

I wish my relatives in another country would leave me the hell alone, including my mother, so I can live my own life fully without giving them any more time and energy. (I'm 45).
Still, I want my rightful inheritance.
Also, I cannot stand children (never had any).

The medics were trying to protect you because you were so vulnerable. Try to have more sympathy for yourself, you were struggling to find your way back then, but you are a stronger person now. You were given a chance and you haven't wasted it, seriously, bloody well done.

Come to Glasgow! You'd be in paradise here.

@bubblebum53 Oooh fascinated by this it feels like a plot of a book! Any more details you can give, why was she so memorable? What was your encounter?

DP and I started our relationship as an affair. I left my ExH after nearly 4 years of the affair and my DP left his ExW a year later. We’ve been together over 11 years in total. Very few people know that he was my affair partner. They think we met after I was separated.

If you're not happy with that, use Mounjaro even though it's more expensive. It's absolutely incredible.

I was working with her partner (Alex) at the time (all lesbians) I’d never met her or even really heard her mentioned before that day.
Her partner became ill after school, felt too unwell to drive home and wanted me to ring Mystery Woman and get her to collect Alex. I did that then waited with her to make sure she was collected (not sure now why I didn’t just drive her home??)
Mystery woman walked in and I just felt instant…something. Not sure what, it wasn’t as straightforward as physical attraction.
Mystery woman rang me to let me know that Alex got home safely and we talked for longer than was strictly necessary but apart from that we’ve never had any contact since.
Alex didn’t return to work and I lost contact with her.
Here’s the thing, although I’m not sitting at home pining for her and go long periods without thinking much about her, every few months I have a dream about her where she is part of my life and I’m free to talk to her and see her whenever I want.
I always wake up from these dreams feeling blissfully happy.
I guess I’ve just created this fantasy figure in my head now over something that was really quite basic but I’m still intrigued by it and would love to know why it happened.
There’s a strong chance she’ll attend the same event as me around Christmas time so I’m interested to know what will happen if I see her again.

Thanks. Logically I know that if I'd had a baby with him I'd have been stuck with him for the rest of my life. I left the morning after I found used needles in our bath. It was 2 years after the abortion. I wouldn't change my decision but I would change the way I did it.

Do it. Your feeling are natural. Y'got to respect nature!

I would rather live in separate house to DP

Why do you stay ?

I wondered the same thing this week..
He's a good father and I can't afford a childminder, housekeeper and chauffeur which is what he is. Notice I didn't mention love, not sure about that at the moment. He's certainly not the love of my life but we can live amicably together usually and when we're not in this stressful situation (no income) we have a laugh and are supportive of each other. We normally have an orderly life. Is that enough? Am I being naive/ blind? (genuinely asking)

Yes, I think it probably does go back to childhood anxiety. What were your birthdays / parties like when you were a child?

💐

I just wish I could do every day of the last 2 years differently. Grief is so hard.

Since my father died in 2022 my mother has morphed into someone I don't recognise and don't like. She remarried far too quickly and left my brother and I quite literally picking up the pieces after her. She's turned into a petty child who can't take responsibility for herself and is only interested in speaking to us when she wants something, but will continue to post memes on Facebook about how much she loves her children.

I will be getting married early next year and frankly I'd rather she wasn't coming since she will find a way to make it all about her.

I’m like you and usually go away with dh & dcs for my birthday for this reason. This year was a big birthday and i celebrated with immediate family. I messaged months before and booked a dinner. I sent reminders monthly and 2 couldn’t come (valid reasons) it’s the best decision I made rather than having a huge party and worrying that no one would turn up. I didn’t get loads of cards but the people that mattered to me were there.

Next year I’m definitely going away again. Can’t take the stress!

If any of my family die (mainly my mother) I will be doing cartwheels up and down my street and then I'm dragging dp to the pub to get pissed in celebration

I can't wait for that day to arrive

They sat back (more than once) and made hard times 100% harder-and most of the time they where the ones who had more than one hand in starting it off

When I went nc,they launched a smear campaign that was so nasty,it took my breath away

They are still at it almost 20 years on-some of these people,I've never met (looking at you the witch my brother married,never met her but by god,shes front and centre with her large gob)

They've tried their hardest to make him listen to 'their truth about thegetalonggang' without success as he just laughs at them but have succeeded to turn people against me-ones I've known for years

I will buy fucking fireworks for my celebration party when her and my mother die

As for the rest of them,ill settle at getting pissed

I just think it’s a bit shit that any one doesn’t want to work , man or woman . Is sounds like it works on a day to day basis if you have kids who are still young. Absolutely no way would I put up with it though. What are your plans for when the kids are older ?
Will he just continue to sit around ? You could have a much nicer life with two wages , holidays if you want them , nicer home , all sorts.
Also it’s a terrible example to the kids.