to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL

[GooseAndSandals]

I’ll start with one of my less dark ones. I didn’t care when my father died.

😂I once had a job that I genuinely couldn't explain what I did or contributed to our organisation to anyone. I told myself that I knew what it was about, but it was just a lie.

I can’t forgive my parents for giving me such a shitty childhood. I despise my father for being a cold, immature gambling addict who should never have had children. I find my sister annoying and I don’t feel anything towards her. Since becoming a parent myself, I have started resenting my mother (who I idolised as a child) for always making me feel like a burden. I grew up believing I was worthless.

I have never loved my dear husband as much as he deserves to be loved.

I think about my first boyfriend every single day and I dream about him often. We split up when I was 20. I'm now 63. I always thought I would see him again one day but now I know I won't and it devastates me.

Believe it or not, I am happily married.

My husband has never been employed and I really really resent paying for his life especially now I am unemployed and he's now giving me grief that I'm not working (I had two interviews today so it's not like I am taking the piss and treating it as holiday).

I think I must be older than you but we sound so alike. I like myself better too and that's partly because I don't live with the permanent stress and worry that living with someone who has a life limiting illness brings :(.

I loved dh with all my heart but, when he died, I felt a huge weight I didn't even realise I'd been carrying, lift. I feel incredibly guilty about that and this is the first time I've ever written/said that.

Makes perfect sense . Have you looked into any help for it like theraphy ? For being able to forgive or move on not the memory .

I like to cup my hands over my farts to feel the air pressure of them and to then smell them later.

@Manzana like you and @YourLemonTiger i also have a son with mental health problems and my heart is broken. I consider myself reasonably intelligent but I don’t know what to do. I read a thread on here recently about young men who just disappear from society and it was a painful read as it was my reality. I worry how he will cope when my husband and I are gone and I worry for my other sons who will I hope support him. I can’t even vocalise it in real life

I've never told anyone of the way I heard my auntie was dying.
I was only five. My Auntie was 24 and had just had my cousin.
I was stood at the front of the line in the classroom waiting to go home. The reception class teacher pointed at me and said to the TA, "Her Auntie is dying of cancer. She's only just had that baby".
I kept it to myself as I didn't want to believe it was true.
My mum told me a month before my Auntie passed away. She had no idea I already knew.

My father who left when I was 9, didn't get back in touch until I was in my early twenties and moved to the middle of nowhere in his 70s, is now astounded I won't drop everything to run daily errands and cook/clean for him now he can no longer drive and is in poor health. He could easily afford taxis/help but both he and my half brother seem to feel it's my duty as a daughter.

They're currently trying to guilt me into it but to be honest I couldn't care less, you do it bro if it means that much to you!

I appreciate your kindness ❤️ unfortunately I'm already medicated, I love with persistent auditory hallucinations and nothing has ever made them stop.
I'm not sure if it makes it harder or easier that people would never know unless I told them, I'm extremely "high functioning" but still struggle a lot less visibly.

No judgment and it makes sense , I think drugs can and will make your senses more sensible . I was given petadine during labour with my oldest , apart from that the only drug I tried was weed when I was 16 , it made my labour a Stephen king movie , I spoke with dead relatives , I saw dead people roaming the bedroom , I spoke with a completely unknown woman that was a midwife that nobody else’s remembers apart from me . It made my “ issue” a million times worse .
As for Auschwitz 🤦🏻‍♀️ I know , I often think that myself but I was curious and was hoping to at least be there a few minutes .

I'm not sure why they even gave me the job. I had no IT background, no coding experience and had only been there a few months temping in an admin role. It was an internal vacancy and others did apply.

I think I was the cheapest because there was no other sane reason to give it to me. Well I was the cheapest until I discovered what the rest were earning. The boss was fuming at the bumper pay rise they had to give me to match them😂😂

I’m so sorry, I hope you find some peace even just for a moment x

My mother was a shit mother to me but we managed to create a relationship once I had my own children. It wasn’t a physically affectionate relationship and she never once told me she loved me or was proud of me but I accepted that and we got on well enough. We spent a lot of time together.
She died last year and I found out some things after her death that’s made me so angry that I wish she was alive so I could tell her how much I hate her.

Yep, see my username 😁

If turning it off and on again didn't work I was out of ideas. Seven years I flew under the radar. Imposter syndrome is real. 😂

Lamotrigine which was actually prescribed for focal awareness seizures. I already had a Mirena coil and oestrogel prescribed for my severe monthly moods but the Lamotrigine dimmed the monster right down.

Use anal irrigation, it will change your life’s

I totally understand this ❤️

But this is about things you wouldn't admit to, not actions you should take or things you should stop doing. The poster is saying she would never admit to not liking it.

Sounds like we have the same father , don't do it , they don't deserve us.

I too was in love and broken hearted when it ended at 20, and still think about them every single day at 60. But I did bump into them out of nowhere after 25 years. My first instinct was 'I know them - hope they don't see me and I have to make small talk'. Then I realised who they were, and I still hid! I had zero desire to reconnect. That original feeling is unchanged, but it turns out not to be about the person.

Same. I was in my early 20s and a complete fucking mess. He didn’t deserve my appalling behaviour and erratic personality. I was going through a lot and unfairly took it out on him. He deserved much better and thankfully he found it - his career sky rocketed and he married a beautiful and super successful woman whom he met at his Ivy League business school.

What is it about @BrickBiscuit? I've tried to tell myself it's not him, it's the idea of him and first love etc, but it doesn't stop the longing.