to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL

[GooseAndSandals]

I’ll start with one of my less dark ones. I didn’t care when my father died.

But wouldnt you be happier alone?

I have a secret Mumsnet account.

My father is a nasty piece of work and I'm have finally gone non contact after he behaved badly at our son's wedding.

I think he is awful , very selfish and I just want him to disappear.He is 80 , hopefully soon

I am also fed up with going to work which I hate , I am struggling to pay bills and just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

But I have a husband of 34 years who I adore , grown up children , so why do I feel like this?

Somehow I ended up working in IT.

To this day, I still don't really understand what that job was all about. It was such a niche job I couldn't explain it in terms that would make sense to anyone, not even me 😁

Yes I would.

I'm not brave enough to do it just yet.

I am an awful person and I know that. I don't think I care about anyone or anything - myself included.

Sorry, I meant the person you were responding to! They are very easy to recognize because they have a very distinctive (and annoying!) way of posting. They always pepper their replies with multiple aggressive, goady questions and often post multiple times. They post under a million different names but they always come back day after day. Infuriating.

Well stop doing it then. Easy

What medication are you on please?

Was imagining this as you then I saw your username

How curious! There can be only two explanations really; either you're having auditory and visual hallucinations, or you can see 'spirits' (in quote marks because there is no single definition of what a spirit is, and it will mean different things to different people).

It's common for people with high fever, or at the end of life, to hear buzzing and see figures moving around. You can even get this as a side effect of medication. Again, there's no way of knowing whether this is hallucinations or actual extra sensory perception of something real, spirits or whatever.

It can be possible to stop it with medication, which is not to be taken lightly as this has other side effects, but this could be an option if it started affecting your health. I'm just sorry that you're going through this alone, I can totally understand why, but it's such a shame you can't get support.

You mean ghosts? What do they look like? Who are they?

It can be or it can be a week without seeing anything . The feeling of them being close with the buzzing sound is constant or at least I never noticed it stopping .
I admit I never actually looked for “ help “ in ways to control it . Everytime I look out for someone they are either extremely religious or looking to make money so leaves me weary . I’m also not sure how I would fit it in my life with kids , husband , work , my biggest fear is hearing them non stop , not being able to control it etc . The times I was somewhat forced ( by circumstance not someone ) to be in places where there are too many I feel awful , literally sick , I actually can’t explain it , do you know when you know you are about to cry so you try to prevent it and your head actually hurts from doing go it and it almost feel like you can’t breath , it’s similar to that but bigger and constant sometimes for hours after and I always feel like I run a marathon for the following days . It’s draining .

I’m angry. Really, really angry. And I worry that one day it will explode and I’ll ruin my life.

I was coerced by our neighbours son when I was a child (10/11, he was 14/15) into him touching me inappropriately. It happened repeatedly, under the guise of ‘playing a game’. I’ve never told a soul, and never will.

On a lighter note, the dog has licked the plate my dad’s food was on, and I’ve said nothing. It’s happened more than once or twice. My dad can be a right arsehole at times, so I feel no regrets!

Any specific reason or set of reasons ?

Hotels are an issue as I mostly can’t visit before I need to stay and sometimes as you say they are loaded . I have no control over who I see , I don’t think I see every spirit that it’s present , I hope it makes sense, I think I see some and no idea why or when . Worse places for me until now are churches , once a private house I visited was just awful too . The actually worst place made no sense and was a wooded area in the Cairngorms, I tried to visits auschwitz a few years ago when I visited a friend in Poland but I gave up without even starting as was just to much .

Or would he/she say Ibuprofen and Codeine every day on an empty stomach really isn't good and maybe you have OCD or something?

My best freind is still freinds with my exDP and I really don't want her to be. I get on ok with my ex, no bad feelings, but I still want him in my life as little as possible or at least on my terms. BF keeps organising things as a group (there's about 10 of us) and I just wish she would see it's so fucking awkward sometimes, especially as ex is now seeing one of the women in the group. Our last get together they had an argument (exDP and new GF) and I'm pretty sure it's cos I was there. I just wish he'd fuck off and find his own freinds

It’s hard to say. A big part of it is my memory. I have an incredible long term memory; I always knew it was good, but the older I get the more I realise that what I would consider a terrible memory is actually fairly average.

Anyway, it’s a running joke with family and friends that if you ask me about some event or bit of trivia I’ll give you an instant, and correct, answer. But what they don’t understand is that I remember the bad things just as vividly. Things other people would forget about entirely, or at least stop feeling resentful about, can still cause me real pain years later - and because the pain takes so long to fade, so does the anger.

@thenobodygang Thinking of you - I hope you are ok ❤

Are you OK?
I hope you have support around you x

I do understand, as I took shitloads of psychedelics in my 40s (!!! I know, a bit random) and since then, although I don't "see" anything, pick up on the energy of what's around me and don't dismiss it as fantasy. Churches obviously. Hotels often creep me out.

Cairngorms is an interesting one, plenty of battles here and folklore
https://www.visitcairngorms.com/welcome-to-the-land-of-stories/

I can't believe you even contemplating going to Auschwitz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I recently gave up regular work, semi retirement. I'm really enjoying the reduction in stress but I'm obsessing that the next stage in my life is dying.

I suffer from existential crises and frequently wonder what the point of anything is, including my presence here. Thankfully it doesn’t depress me or make me anxious but it definitely leaves me distanced from things that I probably should be more enthused about

I despise organised religion and all its boxed attitudes towards morality and spirituality. I am not interested in other people telling me how I should behave and think. If there is a God, then my relationship is with them/it and not people

I think I will die young(ish) at around the age of 45. It will be in a car accident, involving a pale grey Volvo. I’m 42 now.

I often think it must be a curse having perfect recollection, such as the actress Marilu Henner. It's bad enough suddenly remembering and cringing about things I've done and said, I can't imagine how you'd carry on making sense of life if you could remember all the details of every human interaction!

www.brainandlife.org/articles/actress-marilu-henner-has-a-highly-superior-autobiographical-memory-a