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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL

1000 replies

GooseAndSandals · 14/09/2025 19:38

I’ll start with one of my less dark ones. I didn’t care when my father died.

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 15/09/2025 13:12

Tillow4ever · 15/09/2025 12:31

I hate my emotionally abusive husband so much I frequently wish he would die so I could be free (I have tried and am trying again to leave but it’s incredibly difficult as he’s also financially abusive).

I only married my husband because I have such low self esteem I thought I’d never find love and someone else that would want to marry me and have children.

I’ve come to realise over the last few years I gain weight to keep men away. Every time I’ve been slim I’ve had issues with men - so I end up gaining weight and suddenly I don’t have to deal with them (I was raped, sexually assaulted, multiple married men hitting on me, etc).

I keep a large stash of pain pills because when it’s time for me to leave this world I’m going on my own terms. I’m not suicidal, although there are times I just wish it were all over - my kids keep me from hurting myself as I couldn’t do it to them.

I’m really sorry to hear this. I understand where you are coming from though. Sending you a big hug x

MsHavisham2025 · 15/09/2025 13:17

I’m very envious and bitter about how much money my best friend gets in benefit money.

I love her like a sister and she’s an amazing friend but she claims for fibromyalgia and chronic pain and does struggle with mobility but also has adult children with autism (high functioning- I know that’s not the right term technically but just using it for this post) and she gets benefits for them all.

Her ex husband bought a huge house and she “rents” it and gets the whole housing costs met from her benefits when actually her LHA would technically be giving her half. Her kids will also inherit the house when paid off in full.

Her ex husband is incredibly wealthy and she gets thousands in “maintenance” each month, he also pays for holidays, brand new cars for them all etc…

I wasn’t as bitter over it but she’s recently been on several holidays abroad (to dream destinations) and trips and I’ve noticed that despite saying she can hardly walk a short distance when claiming PIP that she manages long walks, swimming and shopping trips. We shared data on Apple Watch and I noticed on one holiday she was doing 10,000 - 20,000 steps a day.

I am really really struggling for money to the point where I’m living off credit cards to get by. My partner has just left me and I grit my teeth when I hear about fabulous trips all over the world or told about how she gets more in benefits in a month then I do for six months.

She also has a lot of domestic help paid for by the council, her own kids work cash in hand but refuse to help at home and she won’t encourage them to.
She has had several cleaners leave because her attitude is just to leave everything for them and they end up doing jobs they shouldn’t really be doing.

Her current cleaner has just walked out and I offered to take some of the hours paid legitimately for extra cash. She wants me to do it to help her as my disabled friend for free, I’d have happily done it but when I asked if her kids were also helping I was told no. I then found out she’d found a way for the funding to go to her kids so they would be paid for cleaning their own house!!

I’m glad I got that off my chest because I could never tell anyone and wouldn’t want to fall out with her because she is an amazing kind, supportive and loyal friend, I do struggle with feeling bitter over it though.

My other shameful secret is I really don’t like young children!
They are annoying and noisy and sticky and I get bored of conversation with them and hate the attention seeking.
I like them when they get older and you can have a conversation but even my niece and nephew bore me. I often just want an adult chat with my sister but she lets them constantly interrupt so I have stopped spending time with them, I just want to tell them to go away after half an hour of being talked at about Lego and what Milly said to Jessie in the playground.
I also hate babies crying and toddlers shrieking, I think it’s due to being autistic and I feel so full of gratitude for loop earplugs.
This seems to be something you can admit to when you have children and say you dislike other people’s kids, when you are childfree you just get accused of being a child - hater. I usually deny it but inside I’m secretly agreeing I am a child - hating witch 😂.

OrangeCrushes · 15/09/2025 13:17

I'm pretty sure that I have not had greater career success because I am not that clever or good at doing things.

Merseymum1980 · 15/09/2025 13:19

I have a really bizarre crush on central cee (as a woman in her 40s its weird)

Justanotherthrowawayyy · 15/09/2025 13:20

I've got two very weird fetishes. Perfectly legal but very weird and I can never and will never share them with anyone irl as I know I'd be judged for them.

Mumlaplomb · 15/09/2025 13:20

My husband is very supportive about my efforts to get fitter, less so of my need for rest or a general break from the kids. So I sometimes pretend to go to the gym but go and sit in a coffee shop and eat cake.

notinRL · 15/09/2025 13:21

It took all my strength to finish an affair with a man I love deeply (we are both married) because he wasn't willing to explore a "normal" relationship / blended family.

I still think about him every bloody day and it has been 6 months.

Silvers11 · 15/09/2025 13:23

emmetgirl · 14/09/2025 20:46

I was relieved when my mother died.

My instant and first reaction when my Mother died was huge relief too.

notinRL · 15/09/2025 13:27

Vinvertebrate · 15/09/2025 11:34

Approximately 70% of the reasons I stay in my marriage are financial.

About 25% of the rest of the reasons are to do with care of our disabled child.

I think there are more people in this position than we like to admit...

Sdpbody · 15/09/2025 13:28

That I really don't care about the problems of other countries and couldn't give a shit about what is happening in Israel, Ukraine or Sudan etc.

Muffsies · 15/09/2025 13:30

Yodeldodeldo · 15/09/2025 12:40

I don't really have many friends. And it doesn't bother me because I find most people hard work.

I didn't have ANY friends for years, mostly for this reason. My best friend since school died at 24, just when I was starting a family. Although I had other friends, she was the only one that mattered. After she died I dropped contact with all the others. I had zero friends for almost 20 years, every so often I felt like I wanted a friend, but no one was ever going to measure up to Claire, and I just couldn't keep up the 'work' of trying to be friends with others. I can't do superficial relationships at all, and I've realised that most friendships are just transactional and superficial.

Over lockdown I made friends online with someone I used to work with, he's very intelligent and funny, and has chronic life-limiting health issues. Due to his conditions he hasn't got time for superficial friendships, he says it like it is. He also needs nothing from me, as life's opportunities are very limited for him. He just wants a sincere friendship with someone genuine and only there because they like spending time with him. It's so refreshing. He lives 90 miles away, so I visit him about 5 times a year, and we talk everyday via WhatsApp.

NewAgeNewMe · 15/09/2025 13:31

Some of these are heartbreaking.

I’m slowly losing my sight and my hearing. One or other I can cope with but not both.

Starlight1984 · 15/09/2025 13:33

Praying4Peace · 15/09/2025 13:04

I think there is a lot to be said for not doing a dna test, in the best interests of all

You are joking? So you're ok with a man paying for, supporting, loving and caring for a child who potentially isn't his? And just never telling him?

Muffsies · 15/09/2025 13:35

Mumlaplomb · 15/09/2025 13:20

My husband is very supportive about my efforts to get fitter, less so of my need for rest or a general break from the kids. So I sometimes pretend to go to the gym but go and sit in a coffee shop and eat cake.

Fair.

KateShugakIsALegend · 15/09/2025 13:36

NewAgeNewMe · 15/09/2025 13:31

Some of these are heartbreaking.

I’m slowly losing my sight and my hearing. One or other I can cope with but not both.

Sending hugs

Lifecircle · 15/09/2025 13:37
  1. I regret having a termination when I was younger.
  2. I've had liposuction.
SqB · 15/09/2025 13:37

I put on a brave face, but I truly believe I’m unloveable

BonHepatitis · 15/09/2025 13:38

Thanks @SauronsArsehole , and all good wishes to you too - to be paid at all for writing is great these days, it's so competitive - and using your skills and interests is a joy. Also, it sounds like you know what you're writing about - I've heard so many people say they want to be a children's writer, and when you ask 'For what age?' they never know - just 'for children' - but the different ages have such different requirements.

My relative always signs her emails:

'Her Name.
Author.'

😂

Upanddpwnislife25 · 15/09/2025 13:40

Mistyglade · 14/09/2025 23:37

I spent 30 years of my life with PMDD. I could have had a very different life if I’d have the medication I’m on now.

What medication are you on for it? I went to my GP about suspected PMDD and he pretty much fobbed me off and gave me antidepressants

Hidingbehindthechaos · 15/09/2025 13:45

ladyamy · 15/09/2025 08:05

Same…

I havent had a sex dream about him but he is on my mind a lot. I despise a lot if what he stood for and believe he wasnt a good person but I have become obsessed with watching his videos and feel some sort of attraction to how he composed himself in his debates. I have no clue why as I have always thought he was quite smarmy.

I have had sex dreams a lot about my old fling since he messaged me again, it is playing with my mind and they are so real it is affecting me in RL.

Lemonadenotlemons · 15/09/2025 13:46

I am not sure I love my husband. We are trying for another child, and his touch makes me shudder. Smell is a big deal for me, and I don’t like his smell.

On the other hand - I love my children so much it hurts, but I am constantly feeling like a failure and have awful mum guilt all day long.

My father told me I am boring. I think he is right.

emilysquest · 15/09/2025 13:47

@Starlight1984 I was originally interested, but it's been 20 years of the same things over and over. I don't learn anything new because he's lectured me on told me it all already. I do love him and he really enjoys going on about his stuff, and he is genuinely happy when he talks about it all. (I also sometimes pretend to be rather dimmer than I am about certain things so he can get the kick out of explaining it all to me again).

Frugalgal · 15/09/2025 13:49

I cannot abide my 8 year old niece. She's inordinately attention seeking, like no child I've ever encountered. When we visit she will shriek at the top of her voice in a 'look at me' way from the minute we step over the threshold to the minute we leave.

If anyone so much as glances at another child her expression curdles and she shoots daggers at the other poor kid.

She will not share or allow another child to win anything, things like pass the parcel is a mare as she has to be the one who gets to do the unwrapping every time or there's blue murder.

Her parents my sis and her husband, are normal decent folk, and she has no SEN issues, they don't encourage her but also do nothing to stop her constant screaming, it doesn't seem to register with them and their other kids are just normal in terms of behaviour.

It feels awful to dislike a child but I can't help it.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 15/09/2025 13:50

Don't like my SIL at all... she bullies my brother.

broadly · 15/09/2025 13:52

I do not have to try in exams, for gcses and a levels, I did not care what happened. Because I have a good memory, I get good results anyway.

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