Page 20 | to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL

GooseAndSandals · 2025-09-14T18:38:31+00:00

I’ll start with one of my less dark ones. I didn’t care when my father died.

Lessstressedhemum · 15/09/2025 12:40

Fernticket · 15/09/2025 12:31

Many Christians including me, find forgiveness very hard so you are not alone.I don't know you IRL, but I bet you didn't deserve what he did to you, whatever you think (your kids certainly didn't). Have you talked to your kids about it or had any counselling. DV is so hard to escape from and there are many women out there in your shoes.

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I'm having therapy just now for the CSA I suffered. My therapist tells me that my choice of abusive partners and my inability to leave stem from the childhood abuse. It's all linked, apparently. I'm hopeful the therapy will eventually help me understand things better at least. It's funny that I have forgiven everyone who ever abused me but I can't forgive him because he affected my children's lives.
Thank you for your very, very kind reply.

Yodeldodeldo · 15/09/2025 12:40

I don't really have many friends. And it doesn't bother me because I find most people hard work.

Starlight1984 · 15/09/2025 12:42

peachgreen · 15/09/2025 10:18

I pretend to the world that I'm happy, and a lot of the time I am, but it's always undercut by the knowledge that my life will never be as good as it was when DH was alive.

Ah I'm so sorry @peachgreen . This is my biggest fear. I can't imagine how tough that has been for you ❤

MrsVinceVega · 15/09/2025 12:46

I don't like my parents, particularly my mother.

Nothankyov · 15/09/2025 12:46

Paprik · 14/09/2025 22:38

I was groomed as a young teen, just after my beloved dad died. My mum knew and went on to become 'friends' with the man who did it. She then left to live abroad with my little brother, and didn't ask me to go with them. I was just 17.

Those years fucked up so, so much for me. It's taken decades to understand the depth of harm it all did.

No matter what she says now, I will never, ever understand how she could just ditch me like that. I was a nice kid and never any trouble at all. She just didn't want me in her new life.

My friends think my mum is lovely. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone any of this.

For some reason your post spoke to me. It made me sad. I too have a complicated relationship with my mother but for different reasons. But what struck me is when you say “ I was a nice kid and never any trouble at all”. I found that incredibly sad. Because even if you hadn’t been a nice kiss and only got into trouble it’s your partners job to love you regardless and help you. I’m sorry

Starlight1984 · 15/09/2025 12:46

Yodeldodeldo · 15/09/2025 12:40

I don't really have many friends. And it doesn't bother me because I find most people hard work.

Same. I don't really care about spending time with anyone other than DH and the dogs. They're my best friends.

BerkoFilter · 15/09/2025 12:46

My best friends husband told me he wanted to have sex with me and groped me, in her house. He didn’t know she was having sex with her personal trainer. Their marriage looked like it was in fragments, but ten years later they are still together. I couldn’t stand it and ghosted them. She doesn’t know why, and bitches about me to everyone, and I can’t say anything!

Changemynamechangemynam · 15/09/2025 12:47

MyDeftHedgehog · 15/09/2025 11:41

He WAS your Dad
Biologically or not xx

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Yes he was ❤️ thank you xx

Kingsleadhat · 15/09/2025 12:49

BonHepatitis · 15/09/2025 12:03

Mine isn't as painful as some of these - and my heart goes out to so many of you... ❤️

But. A relative of mine writes truly awful self-published books. Her indulgent husband rents her a little cottage by the sea where she goes to play at being a writer, and she churns out six or seven of these 'cosy' genre things a year, without any editing or revision... They are genuinely, unreadably bad - not even 'funny-bad' - just prose so clumsy and unedifying that your brain baulks at taking it in.

She buys loads of copies of her own books to push them up the Amazon list 'because everyone does it'. No, they don't. They cost as much as a professionally published book would; but what really stings is the life-sapping ennui of dutifully forcing these things down when you could be reading any of the glorious works already out there.

I've been a jobbing writer for years. It's tough out there. My bread-and-butter work is reviewing for serious outlets, and it doesn't pay much, but I've built up a reputation that's valuable to me. I know she thinks I'm a jealous, gate-keeping cow because I won't publish the dazzling reviews she 'deserves' in these places and give her a leg up to becoming 'rich and famous'.

For the sake of familial relations I try to give her tactful praise for her efforts without maligning the truth too badly, but I dream of one day giving her a genuine, heartfelt, hold-my-beer review of what I really think...

It's so hard isn't it? DH has a friend who publishes his own novels which are horribly written and sexist and every other ist you can think of and he gives them out as gifts. He then badgers DH for his thoughts (DH is also a writer, although not fiction) and offers to "help" him get started on a novel of his own! Trying to make it sound as if you've read the thing let alone enjoyed it rather than filing it in the recycling is so hard because you don't want to hurt his feelings

Pessismistic · 15/09/2025 12:51

PudULike · 15/09/2025 12:27

When I was about 7 years old, a boy of the same age who lived on my street blackmailed and sexually assaulted me.

It’s horrible isn’t it especially the age how do they even know what to do. I’m sorry you went through this please share it with someone you can trust you never did anything wrong.

SauronsArsehole · 15/09/2025 12:54

BonHepatitis · 15/09/2025 12:03

Mine isn't as painful as some of these - and my heart goes out to so many of you... ❤️

But. A relative of mine writes truly awful self-published books. Her indulgent husband rents her a little cottage by the sea where she goes to play at being a writer, and she churns out six or seven of these 'cosy' genre things a year, without any editing or revision... They are genuinely, unreadably bad - not even 'funny-bad' - just prose so clumsy and unedifying that your brain baulks at taking it in.

She buys loads of copies of her own books to push them up the Amazon list 'because everyone does it'. No, they don't. They cost as much as a professionally published book would; but what really stings is the life-sapping ennui of dutifully forcing these things down when you could be reading any of the glorious works already out there.

I've been a jobbing writer for years. It's tough out there. My bread-and-butter work is reviewing for serious outlets, and it doesn't pay much, but I've built up a reputation that's valuable to me. I know she thinks I'm a jealous, gate-keeping cow because I won't publish the dazzling reviews she 'deserves' in these places and give her a leg up to becoming 'rich and famous'.

For the sake of familial relations I try to give her tactful praise for her efforts without maligning the truth too badly, but I dream of one day giving her a genuine, heartfelt, hold-my-beer review of what I really think...

That’s what Amazon reviews are for 😏

Wordsmithery · 15/09/2025 12:57

GooseAndSandals · 14/09/2025 20:36

Hope you are ok @Taztoy

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Sorry @Taztoy that you're going through this. Sending a virtual hug.

BonHepatitis · 15/09/2025 13:00

@SauronsArsehole 😄

Praying4Peace · 15/09/2025 13:01

Threelionsandalioness · 14/09/2025 22:30

I am absolutely bloody exhausted I have had my son's best friend placed with me due to abuse at home ....they have been friends for 10 years and he has had the courage to speak out now and I can't let him down
But I am financially emotionally physically and mentally fucking drained.
The social worker came here for about 30 mins deemed my home safe and he is happy so that's about it ....the police came once to talk about his injuries and that's literally it !
I have had to change my whole upstairs around we've all changed rooms had to buy a new bed and new clothes new TV too ...im so happy to do this and glad I have done it but fuck me I didn't actually realise how much it would drain me.

Surely you should have financial support?

pikkumyy77 · 15/09/2025 13:02

MrsAJCrowley · 15/09/2025 10:54

I am hopelessly in love with a former colleague and he feels the same. We are great friends and regularly indulge in sexting and explicit pictures. He appears in my dreams nightly and most of them are sexual. Unfortunately I am married to the wrong man who is ruining my life and my former colleague doesnt want to take things further at the moment to protect me and to preserve our friendship if things went wrong. We have come close to DTD more than once and only just stopped ourselves. We are magnetic to each other. It’s killing me not being able to have him completely to myself and build that life we both want.

He is not “protecting you” he us using you.

WorriedWifie · 15/09/2025 13:02

NC for this!

I will not be sad when my only daughter moves away for university. It cannot come soon enough. I love the absolute bones of her. She is smart and funny and the least teenagey teen I’ve ever known. I love spending time with her, going places and doing stuff. We don’t fight or even argue much and have some fabulous conversations about everything from life to history and politics. She amazes me every day. But I can’t wait until I have time to myself. Just me (and my husband, but that’s ok) No more having to thinking about where she is and where she needs to be, no having to be up to do her hair (disability issues). No more arranging meetings with school, doctors, physio, having to phone to sort out stuff. Being able to sit in the evening without having to get up and do something for her that she can’t do herself. I don’t worry about her being independent because I know she will arrange her life around her struggles. She’ll work out how to deal with her hair in a way she won’t at the moment!

You know that inner feeling of excitement you get, the butterflies etc? The only time I ever feel that is at night when I’m sitting alone, just me and the dog when everyone has gone to bed. I love it! I can’t get my head around it because I actually love my life and my wee family.

Oh, and, I only visit my parents out of duty. I don’t like who they have become, or maybe they always were that but I was young and still had respect for them.

Greysowhat · 15/09/2025 13:03

I support Manchester United

Whotookmyusername · 15/09/2025 13:03

Muffsies · 15/09/2025 12:09

That's gross 😝.. also I've never been able to have satisfactory sex in a car, it's never quite the right angle or comfortable enough, regular car sex would frustrate the hell out of me.

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We made it work 😉 I guess it can depend on the car though. The back seats going completely flat was useful.

TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2025 13:04

Just because I don’t argue with you doesn’t mean I agree with your opinion, I just realise you’re too stupid you hear another view point so choose not to waste any energy (friend of a friend who comes to mutual parties and is an anti vaxer who home schools her dc because school didn’t suit her angels).

Praying4Peace · 15/09/2025 13:04

Wanderingrose · 15/09/2025 09:44

I'm keeping the baby. I've not told work I'm pregnant yet so my colleague doesn't know. It was a stupid mistake when we were both drunk on a night out and only happened the once. He's married with children as well. I'm planning on doing a dna test once the baby is born to find out for sure and decide what to do then.

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I think there is a lot to be said for not doing a dna test, in the best interests of all

BonHepatitis · 15/09/2025 13:06

@Kingsleadhat Offers to help him! The brass neck of it... And the '-ists' are horrible aren't they? Amazed that some people want to expose their dark underbelly like that... or don't know that it's wrong...

iamnotalemon · 15/09/2025 13:08

Bloatstoat · 14/09/2025 21:23

My 10 year old is starting chemotherapy soon. The doctors say the outlook is very positive, to him and to everyone I am being very positive and upbeat and keeping spirits up and insisting everything will be fine, because what else can you do? Inside I can't even think of it I'm so terrified.

I’m really sorry to hear this. I hope it goes well and of course you’re terrified x

SauronsArsehole · 15/09/2025 13:10

@BonHepatitis my sister also self publishes god awful children’s books. They’re awful, absolutely awful. Thankfully small runs and locally sold. Mostly by the same people. She tries to give them away for Xmas presents too.

i do get a lot of joy seeing them in basically brand new condition in charity shops. Unloved and unwanted.

her schtick has always been to copy me and what i do. I don’t write children’s books it’s a skill I do not have. I do write though, not much but it’s a small supplement to my income (pennies honestly as I do some stuff for free too but no one needs to know I don’t get paid for it all, I enjoy it) and I write under a pseudonym mostly because I just like private life and work with children in my day job so it’s for my safety too. It’s mostly craft and technical related stuff, dead boring unless you’re really into that subject. Her ‘publishing’ came about after she learned I write to bring extra money in.

anyway, she’s somehow found out about my public performance related technical/making/engineering related stuff and has had a sudden flood of similar things to her insta exactly like mine and is trying to get into a particular company I’m a member of.

it’s laughable as we’ve been No contact for 8years now.

relatives are really weird. Always with the jealousy too.

I’ll keep my fingers crossed you get your decently steady rise to writing success.

Muffsies · 15/09/2025 13:10

TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2025 13:04

Just because I don’t argue with you doesn’t mean I agree with your opinion, I just realise you’re too stupid you hear another view point so choose not to waste any energy (friend of a friend who comes to mutual parties and is an anti vaxer who home schools her dc because school didn’t suit her angels).

Similar to, just because I don't laugh or acknowledge your "joke" doesn't mean I don't get it or i didn't hear you - please don't repeat it you will get the same non-reaction.

LondonLady1980 · 15/09/2025 13:11

Fetchthevet · 14/09/2025 20:46

I worry about going to Hell

And me.

I'm not a religious person but sometimes I do think, what if it's true? What if there is a heaven and because I don't believe in Jesus it means I'm destined for hell?

It unnerves me.