to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL

[GooseAndSandals]

I’ll start with one of my less dark ones. I didn’t care when my father died.

I had an abortion. I've never told a soul. I had 2 kids under 2 years old with my ex who was a shit dad and shit partner. I could barely cope and knew that having a third would be a terrible mistake.
I went to the clinic alone, leaving my kids with a one-off childminder. I used a false name and address at the clinic and passed it off as a miscarriage.
I often think of who that baby might have become, but I don't regret it. I wish I had been strong enough to not have had to do it, but I was already on my knees. My ex continues to be a shit dad to our 2 kids and I know it was the right thing to do but I feel such a bad person for doing it. I thank my lucky stars that I was able to do it when I know so many women don't have access to an abortion when they desperately need it.

I hate my DD's GF's parents, and think they should have been banned from procreating.

In the year that DD and her GF (both 18) have been together, I have had to teach GF the following, because her parents have failed to do so:

How to set up a bank account.
To apply for a passport.
That is is not normal for parents to fail to take you to see a Dr when you have been in pain daily since the age of 12.
Find out which vaccinations she has had (answer; not many) and help her arrange to have the ones she has missed.
That she is allowed to have therapy with a therapist who is not best friends with her mother.
Shouting at one another angrily is not "normal communication" in a family environment.
She had no clue about any type of insurance - how it worked, what it was for.
Basic manners.
How to use a washing machine.
What "use by" and "best before" dates mean.
That it is not normal for a child to be subjected to "the silent treatment" by their parents.
That it is not normal for parents to have access to an 18 year olds emails, or to open their post, without consent.
That being autistic doesn't mean she's "a nightmare who needs to be physically restrained when she's overwhelmed".
That it's perfectly ok to need a bit of peace and quiet sometimes, it doesn't make her a "miserable cow".

And so many other things. This poor girl has been so badly failed by her DPs, it's shocking. She and DD1 have been together for a year, and they're about to head off to uni (same uni, different halls) and I hope it will be the making of her to be away from the toxicity of her home life. To her face though, I just have to say "that sounds tough, you can always call me if you need to", rather than "your parents are arseholes, leave and never look back!", as much as I would like to!

Well
The bottles are beautiful!
And it takes so long to finish a bottle that it really needs remembering.
Throwing away an empty Marmite jar just seems wrong. Can't do it, nope.

Once,, when it hit around the forty mark, I put them all in the car boot ready to go to the bottle bank the next day.
But that night I couldn't sleep for thinking about them and had to go out in my dressing gown and get them back. It's like they were calling out for me.
I've given in to it now.
Current bottle is that Elton John special edition, and I'm thinking about getting a nice empty shoe box for all the specials.
DH doesn't get it, bought me a bright yellow beret one Christmas to take the piss, but he can sod off and wear it himself, it's a proper historical archive.

I've got one too. His name is John. He's put a bit of chub on lately and he's got dandruff. He's a really nice person though and totally gets me.

Ah that's limerence, it sucks, and kind of consumes you.

I've been going through it too with a stupid crush I've had for six months that I just can't shake off, and I sure as hell hope I won't still be feeling like this in fifteen years.

No , they are mostly people I never knew at all . As an example I was driving yesterday and saw someone simply by the road side ( a spirit ) .

I have had that dream for years. I have even designed it in my mind and hasn't changed to include any real tech stuff. Just a simple cozy cottage with books, a radio and small TV. Funny thing is I live by the sea and have done for some years now.

Out of curiosity do you feel ok with it? Do you have any guilt for king to your husband or contributing to hurt someone else?

@RaffiaworkAttachment what was it he needed to do??? I can’t think of an example..
This sounds very selfish of him… does he realise what he has done/not done?

I'm 12 weeks pregnant with a surprise baby and I don't think my husband is the dad. Going off dates it's more likely to be my colleague that I slept with once. Neither of them know

don’t want to come across as rude but why do you think you see spirits?

be Honest with your husband. He deserves to know. Sorry you’re in this position but now is the time to lay your cards on the table.

I have mentally decided to pretty much let go of one of my siblings. He is an alcoholic, he lies, his morals are horrendous. I tried to help him and I am sure he would say we have a good relationship (!!) but actually I am just doing it to keep the peace and I have scaled back contact etc to a minimum. I wouldn’t say it irl because it would cause so much grief in our family but I think he’s an absolute waste of space and a pretty useless human being. Occasionally he will try and confide in me and seek my opinion, I wish he wouldn’t - last time it was to tell me he’d met/had a fling with someone else other than his long term gf (who I know quite well) and what should he do..! I mean honestly. My parents also despair at his behaviour. Last week my dad said to my DH ‘well he’s still a young man”. He’s 35. My parents enable him completely. When they die I know I’ll be left to ‘help’ him.. which I mostly think I won’t do tbh.

Kindly I don’t think they are spirits

So sorry about what happened to you but I’m glad that you never have to see her again.

I am clearly naive as I cannot believe how many women are cheats!! @emilysquest you seem irked by your mothers lies but wish you had lied to your husband and cheated on him. Apple doesn’t fall far. Not one woman in my life has or would ever admit to behaving like this but clearly odds are in know a cheating liar in my midst.

I am so sorrry you were betrayed and abused by people who were there to care for you. You were sorely let down by so many people. You are a wonderful person & deserve to be loved & cherished.

That’s awful and you have nothing to be ashamed of or hold back from trusted people. Your Mum should have safe guarded you - esp after your Dad passed. Please share safely - light & air will help dispel the feelings.

I haven't worked in nearly four years due to my mental health. Sadly my parents love to gloat over any misfortune and would tell people, so I've lied all this time to protect myself.

God that’s so tough being raised by a clearly unwell mother and having to deal with the social aspects of that. I had deep empathy for your childhood self. Well done for enduring & surviving.

I wasn't THAT bothered when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. I thought it was a bit stupid, and probably a stunt, but for hollywood behaviour it was very mild.

Rough, this is crap for you.

I just want to say how wonderful it is to see all these lovely, supportive replies to so many heartaches 🤗 Thank you all for sharing.

Not sure I've got anything else to contribute. I'm flawed, have been through some stuff and done some stuff. But I've told people. I recommend talking to someone. If you feel you need to keep your secrets, tell a therapist, a priest or the Samaritans. They'll respect your confidence.

I have 200K in debts that I will probably never, ever pay off. My husband thinks I quit my job because I found a better one. But in reality, I was forced out when a new manager was hired and the job I took in a panic pays only 1/3 of what I was making before. I just stopped making payments on my student loans so he wouldn't figure out my low salary. I've been dodging debt collectors because the house we live in belongs to my father. My dad lets us live rent free, but DH doesn't know that either. It's been 5 years since I did this and he still doesn't know how very little money I make. I do all our taxes and pay all our bills. The crazy thing is, if I'd just told him in the beginning, he'd have been really understanding.

Have my own place to live next door to my family, they are very hard work (domestic).

I have 1 friend and we aren't very close. Tried to have friends but I find it tough or I feel they don't make an effort with me even if I try. Alot of "friends" have stabbed me in the back. Im pretty lonely