PIL thrown a strop over Christmas (sorry for mentioning)

[ToysCatapultedFromPram]

We just invited my PIL for Christmas, but they’ve declined in a huff. They aren’t coming.

The reason is because this year I’ve decided to have a bit of an open house. My sibling is staying near me, and as a result is able to bring down my parents. I’ll go pick them up from where they are staying and bring them to mine. How nice to have them in my own house when they live hundreds of miles away. A rare occurrence. My sibling will come over Boxing Day with their family. I’m delighted to host something that may not happen again.

Secondly, my DD’s serious partner spends Christmas Day alone for various strained family reasons and I’ve said they are more than welcome in my house over the Christmas period. It’s the right thing to do, and what Christmas is about.

However my PIL are not happy about this. TBH due to the proximity of where they live in relation to us, they’ve spent many more Christmases with us than anyone else.

They have been invited, but now declined. My DH is a bit upset.

AIBU to think that;

a) Inviting my DC’s partner is the RIGHT thing to do.

b) Having my family over, a rare occurrence, should be jumped on by me.

c) If my PIL don’t want to join us, that’s their problem, and I’m not going to change the above plans to suit them. I’m going the right thing and if they don’t like it, tough tits. If they want to spend it alone, that’s on them and Tbh I have a lovely family, much nicer than my in-laws, and I’m insulted at the slight.

So who IBU here?

They're very selfish and strange to resent your family being there, particularly when they usually have Christmas all to themselves. It's fine if they see this as an opportunity to visit other friends and family for a change, rather than crowding in with everyone else, but there's no reason for them to act angry or annoyed. They have plenty of notice to make different plans, if they'd prefer to see you all earlier or later.

And serious partners are part of the family!

Exactly, it makes no sense. Your parents and siblings are as close as his parents.

"Tough tits" 💯

Good grief, your in-laws are being fucking ridiculous.

@ToysCatapultedFromPram you sound lovely OP and quite rightly determined to embody the spirit of Xmas which to me has always meant togetherness - the rest of the pomp is just a nice extra.

OMG what could possibly be their issue? As someone with a very small family who hardly sees anyone I would love to have the kind of Christmas you are planning. Leave them to their tantrum and enjoy your family

I would have really laughed at her when she said this! Absolutely who is closer to you than your own kids!?

If they don't want to come they don't want to come. Their decision.

We have quietly bowed out as some of the family celebrations have grown larger for purely medical reasons. I certainly don’t begrudge the hosts for including their guests. The celebration just no longer works for us. We meet up with the hosts and the core people on another day.

Your PILs are going to need to accept that your family is aging and that means changes are going to happen.

What's the deal with your DD's partner?

The way you keep saying it's the right thing to invite him makes it sound like you don't really want to spend time with him or he's a nightmare in some way?

Inviting your adult children with their partners for Christmas is surely just the norm.

I think you sound lovely, OP, and OF COURSE you are doing the right thing!

Sounds like PIL have got used to Xmases with only their own side of the family, but things do change over time when it comes to Christmas. It's bad that they're in a huff, but perhaps it's time they spent Xmas with some of their other family.

YOUR house, YOUR guest list.

Their horrible people ! You sound lovely carry on with your generous plans because that is what Xmas is about family’s coming together x

Strop now, then deciding to come closer to Christmas just to mess up your plans is most likely.

Your dh says Christmas is about blood family..?
So what are your parents ,..aren't they blood too ?
Good luck for your Christmas..I hope it's everything you want it to be
X

you are

If your husband doesn’t like it, tell him to go and be sour with them.

Sounds like a laugh, tbh. I’m always a bit jealous of those who get to have big family get to togethers. Shame they would want to miss out.

PILs are fortunate to be invited. Someone else in your shoes may want it to be just your family this Christmas after spending so many with just you, husband and PILs. I'd tell them to get lost.

Have a nice Christmas with your family and friends. I feel sorry for your husband having such childish parents. Perhaps you could invite some of his friends to join you so that he has some of 'his side' there.

@ToysCatapultedFromPram you sound lovely! Please can I come, too?! 😉😂

YANBU

Well it is about family. They just think it’s about their family, not yours!

But where is the strop in all this? They don't want to come. I wouldn't want to either. They have said they aren't coming. Do you think they should come? As we say on Mumsnet, it was an invitation, not a summons.

They've done you a huge favour. Your plans are what Christmas is all about to me.

I’m amazed that you’ve managed to spend a single Christmas with such selfish bellends to be honest OP. In your shoes I’d take this as a sign that they couldn’t care less about you or your needs and would never spend Christmas with them again.

Absolutely not being unreasonable!!! It's an invite not a summons. If they dont want to join in then leave them to their misery.

Christmas at my house is always a bit of a free for all...we have myself. Dh, my dd, her dad, her brother and sister (still my dsc even after abiut 8 years apart), my adopted little brother, his son and up until she died this year my neighbour and her partner. But various single friends are also invited to come if they are going to be alone.

It's chaos. I have a terraced house. My dining room is 3mx4m I do have as big a table as would fit. It comfortably seats 6, 8 is a bit snug but doable and I have a camping table and chairs that goes up in the lounge for the smaller kids if needed.

The kitchen is usually a mass of slow cooker, air fryers, the 1970's hostess trolley is wheeled out of the shed for it's annual performance, there are usually 2 electric steamers and every pan in the place.

It doesn't matter that we eat in shifts/or practically sat on each other's laps. It is crazy, chaotic but it is vital to me that no-one is alone.

Christmas is about everyone being together

When my kids were small we had both sets of parents, sadly only one left, and my grandmother . My in-laws used to have gran at theirs as the kids were on the energetic side. Before we moved we has my other grandparents as they stayed with mum and dad. No complaints from anyone.