Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

I passed my test age 18 and didn't drive or own a car until I moved to a more rural town age 29. I lived in a big city with excellent public transport but wouldn't want to raise DC there.

I was glad I had my licence because it made me more flexible when it came to moving, having DC and a job.

Sadly, I think being a non driver will eventually catch up with you.

I have a child and neither me nor my husband drive. I live in a London suburb so good transport links and plenty of Ubers if we need them. I never ask anyone for lifts.
My mum couldn't drive due to medical reasons and my Dad worked weird hours so didn't use the car much as a kid eirther so I'm used to it.
I have very poor spacial awareness and reaction times so honestly think the world is safer without me driving!

I've been in the same job for over 20 years and live close to my Dad and sister with no plans to move ever!

The recent thing that prompted this thread was a friend asked a favour for childcare which involved dropping her LO to nursery “5 minute drive away” and was put out that I reminded her I’d be happy to push a pram to but don’t drive which she didn’t think was okay.

But how often does it generally come up?

This instance was someone being pissed off with you that your inability to drive meant you couldn't do HER a favour. That's really a her problem, that I couldn't give a stuff about.

Bless you, if that makes you feel better. I don’t feel threatened by non drivers, I admire their resourcefulness. As long as it doesn’t extend to scrounging lifts.

@RhaenysRocks

To the non drivers..can I ask how you manage your life so that you can go to the gym before work on an industrial estate, go up B&Q and get X bulky item, use your lunch hour to pick up a prescription from CAMHS (you have to go.in person) and take it to several pharmacies until you find one that has stock, take child a to football and child b to rugby twenty minutes drive apart, get to the other side of town after work before shop closes at 6?
I don't my days have to be planned, nipping somewhere isn't easy. I live in the city, close to everything, as a result, I am very slim, sometimes too thin that I don't have the energy to walk 10 miles a day anymore.
I'm mid 40's.
On my busy planning day, I can easily walk 15 miles.

If people weren’t so pushy about everyone having to drive, and only people who had the right skillset learned, there would be far fewer terrible drivers on the road and much less traffic. Public transport would be better and more frequent, and walking routes better maintained (due to better usage).
Driving evangelists just don’t think how their insistence on universal driving makes their own driving experience worse.
I am a terrible driver due to neurodivergence and poor working memory, I recognise this and don’t drive. What if only good drivers were on the roads and bad drivers didn’t drive? Driving is a skill, and not everyone has that skill. Horses for courses.

Honestly I think it's sometimes a form of jealousy. Some people deep down wish they had the confidence and conviction to just not drive. Instead they have to convince themselves that you are a problem.

Have also noticed that some people are crazy averse to public transport and find the idea of taking 2 buses or something outrageous. I have always done this therefore I find it easy and convenient. The other day DD and myself went home from a party with a walk, a train and a bus. Figuring that journey out and getting the most from it is a life skill - one that many lack.

I have a friend like you. She says all those things and yet we still all regularly give her lifts, drive her home adding time to our own journey, adjust our plans to fit her. It's very low level, I repeat very low level annoying and I imagine that's why people comment. Her husband has now retired and is a veritable taxi service it's a relief for the rest of us tbh.

People often project their own values onto others — for some, driving feels like a marker of adulthood or independence, so they assume everyone should see it that way.

How did she manage if you were ill or had the day off? Or needed to do something on your way home, or wanted to finish work early?

But i literally don't have time to that between work and when things are open. I'm not opposed to walking, lazy or whatever, I just can't see how I could do it without going down to four days a week at work, which i cant afford. As it is, I'll be nipping out during a free period today to get the prescription. Fortunately my school doesn't mind but some do, and if not have time to do it without the car.

I’m 44 and don’t drive. Just another voice to add that it’s not always a straightforward choice. I grew up in a part of rural Ireland where everyone was desperate to get driving literally as soon as was legally allowed (and often before). Numerous young people I knew or was aware of were killed or permanently brain-damaged as a result of boy racer culture. In my teens, this terrified me and my own family were in a head-on collision with Americans on the wrong side of the road. My dad was a chauffeur for a living, so it showed me that we’re all just sitting ducks on the road. Thankfully we were all okay, but it really affected me. For these reasons, I put it off. I also spent a long time in postgraduate study, and I never really had a secure income to afford driving - insurance in particular is very high here for the reasons mentioned above.

I finally started taking lessons in 2018 or so, but could not afford a car to practice in. COVID made it impossible to get lessons and there are now all kinds of barriers in place (including the need to have a fully licensed driver in the car with you - I don’t have anyone). I don’t currently have the income to afford more lessons, let alone buy/run a car and pay insurance. I get by, but I do feel curtailed and a bit vulnerable. I haven’t written off the possibility - I am still scared and don’t trust other people to drive safely, but I think I could overcome the fear, and I want to for DD who is now 15. But I can’t currently see a clear pathway. It really isn’t always a clear choice or scrounging or making assumptions about lifts.

Not driving is fine if you live in a city with good transport, you are single and able-bodied. My SIL has never driven, she lives in London. But now she's in her fifties, it's harder work - lots of her friends moved rurally years ago, carrying shopping is harder, getting to her hospital appointments is a pain on public transport. Also if you have a partner it's not fair to expect them to do all the driving all the time. But none of those apply to you at the moment.

It might be worth learning as you hit your 30s though.

Good transportation nixes the need to drive.
I only learned at age 40 after I had 2 infants and a 40 mins each way walk in the snow to the pediatrician office with a double stroller.

Why are people so obsessed with non drivers needing lifts on here? I have never in all my 33 years driving been a victim of this apparently awful and frequently occurring issue.
In the op's case it sounds like her mate is only annoyed at her not driving because it inconveniences her - imagine that, a DRIVER asking a favour of a non driver. Who would have thought that could happen hey??

We were both teachers at neighbouring schools so finishing early wasn't an issue 😅

But she'd ask her dad for a lift or wait for the (crap) public transport if ever I was off sick etc.

Just because something has never happened to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen to anyone else. I wouldn’t say why are all these women so obsessed that their husbands are useless around the house?? I’ve never experienced this before in all my years of marriage!! It happens to them. But (so far) not to me. But I know it’s a thing.
Until you’ve been on the receiving end of someone constantly asking for lifts I doubt you know how irritating it is.

It isn't easy, lunch breaks are spent running, things are organised rather than spontaneous.

I work evening shifts, it works well.

In my 20's/30's I could cover 100 miles a week on foot.

I have never driven so its no different to me.

One person asking for lifts though? The way people go on about it on here it's as if every non driver they've encountered has hounded them for lifts. Just because one non driver you know has asked for lifts all the time it doesn't mean every non driver does that.

And honestly, if someone is a cheeky fucker then they're a cheeky fucker regardless of whether they drive or not. If they weren't constantly asking for lifts they'd be constantly asking for something else.

I'm 46, have never driven, have had a 24 year and counting career as an electrician (a job most would think driving is essential, it's not!!) - I just let comments pass me by, most people can't imagine not driving, good for them.

I did once get some funny looks transporting some 3.5 mtr lengths of conduit from Southwark to The Strand on the tube 😆

I can drive but we got rid of our car years ago. We have good public transport, had to pay to park it outside our house, had to pay £12 ulez charge every time we moved it and the traffic was terrible due to marches, marathons, bike races, public events and sheer volume of traffic. We used it about 2 or 3 times a year so it wasn’t worth the money for MoT, tax etc. @Ponderingwindow I love where I live but there is a reason I have the ‘privilege’ of living in a place with good public transport. It also costs me a lot in train and tube fares.

My in-laws, who live in the country, find it really annoying. They think we are inadequate adults because we don’t have a car. We have never asked them for a lift but don’t want to meet them at a rural pub unless it is within about 2-3 miles of a station.

OP you and many people on this thread must be quite unusual in your independence, because all the non drivers I’ve ever known have constantly wanted lifts. They don’t necessarily always ask for a lift, but they’ll talk about an event or an appointment, and wonder out loud how on earth they’re going to get there, until someone offers to drive them.

I think the irritation some drivers feel relates to the fact that they know that sooner or later they’re going to be called upon to give lifts, and that the friendship is going to be based on this inequality.

Obviously many people can’t drive (for many reasons), but when people simply choose not to, because they don’t feel like it, it can feel as if they’re deliberately abdicating responsibility for an area of their lives that they expect others to pick up the slack for. And that’s why they sound irritated.

If you live in London or big cities globally you don’t need to drive as public transport is fab and when on holiday there are always options for taxis, buses or group travel. Most people in big cities don’t drive. I grew up in a big city in Asia where I did learn to drive but never had a need for it. Then moved to London where I had even less of a need for it for the last 17 years. My friends are similar, learnt to drive at 18 but then moved to London and got out of the habit and never bought a car. We are all only refreshing our skills now at 38-40 as we start having kids and I do agree life is easier with a car - though plenty of Londoners still manage without it of course. My job did involve a lot of travel that I easily managed with train + taxi/walk. In fact I had driver colleagues who’d join me as it was more relaxing way to travel. I have hard core city friends who live in Paris who do have kids and don’t drive and don’t ever plan to. Many new developments in London are sold as car free now so families living there will never have the option to own a car. City living is amazing for how much independence and options it gives you with prohibitive car insurance, time spent charging vehicles and the petrol costs. I pay extra for housing sure, but that’s the choice to have all amenities in walking distance and access to so much.

I must admit now looking into buying a car - the push to electric is going to be a tough switch for many as long distances/cross country, regular commuting won’t be as easy. Battling for the few charge points on your street or rewiring your ground floor to accommodate your own charge point - I suspect even more city dwellers will fall back on public transport.

Without prohibitive car insurance etc that should read!