Page 16 | Comments because I don’t drive

Waolom · 2025-09-14T17:40:24+00:00

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy. So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not. AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

InMySpareTime · 15/09/2025 17:24

@Jonnybigwallet so you’re happy having people with frankly dangerous driving technique on the road with you? Banned and uninsured drivers too? People on sedatives and with medical conditions that reduce their ability to drive safely?
That’s the logical conclusion of “everybody” driving.

Everythingwillbeokay · 15/09/2025 17:36

I think we can all at least agree that @Jonnybigwallet is a dick

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 15/09/2025 17:37

Jonnybigwallet · 15/09/2025 17:14

Anybody who does not drive is a failure in life and does not deserve to have a friend or partner...

Wow.

RhaenysRocks · 15/09/2025 17:41

houwseevryweekend · 15/09/2025 08:30

@RhaenysRocks I work in the retail industry and everyone is moving to online shopping and home delivery esp for bulky items. Also in London b&m and industrial estates are easily accessed and close to tube. And how many times does anyone need to buy bulky items. Most people pick gyms close to work or home and there’s so many everywhere easily accessible and walking distance. Driving time is wasted time really so unless it’s absolutely necessary surely anyone would want to reduce it.

The magic words "in London". I live in a decent sized market town but buses are unreliable and about every thirty minutes. Our retail parks with B&M etc are only served by one bus route so you'd have to go into the centre and out again. A pp said "find time for CAMHS"...Not sure how when they're only open 9-5 Mon-Fri and it's a 40 minute walk from work. I do understand about setting up your whole life differently but I'm simply not prepared, as a SP to teens with a FT job to deliver make my life a million times harder. I frequently have to try and be in two or even three places at once. It's hard enough WITH a car!

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 15/09/2025 17:45

I think those who are saying "non drivers are privileged to live somewhere they don't need to drive", or suggesting that non drivers should live somewhere they don't need to drive, need to remember that they could lose their ability to drive at any point, and it doesn't discriminate based on where you live.

I live semi rurally and cannot drive, it is not a choice.

Espressosummer · 15/09/2025 17:51

Dorb · 15/09/2025 11:37

Just for some balance… and a bit different to telling you that you were ‘talking rubbish’

Seriously… most drivers you know regularly walk/train? I wonder how many on this thread can say the same. I can tell you whilst I walk past the horrific, often gridlock traffic every day that you and your friends are in the minority.

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Your intention was clear. You've also missed out some of your post.

SirHumphreyRocks · 15/09/2025 17:55

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 15/09/2025 17:45

I think those who are saying "non drivers are privileged to live somewhere they don't need to drive", or suggesting that non drivers should live somewhere they don't need to drive, need to remember that they could lose their ability to drive at any point, and it doesn't discriminate based on where you live.

I live semi rurally and cannot drive, it is not a choice.

I agree - but it is also disingenuous to then expect others to compensate for your position, and I think that is the point that is being made by some of us. I live in a similar area to you, and can currently drive although that could easily change. I also cannot use public transport and that will never change. So I have had to plan my life around ensuring that I can retain my independance based on where I choose to live. I have no problem with people who cannot drive or who choose not to drive. I have a problem with the (admittedly few) who seem to think that that makes me their taxi service, who have chosen to live here too but have no "plans" for when they cannot get to places (even if they can get a bus, which are infrequent, unreliable, and stop running quite early).

Some posters make much of nobody being forced to offer lifts, and that is quite true. But there are plenty of subtle ways in which some non-drivers skirt around until they have pretty much forced you into offering the lift that isn't really convenient, is always expected, and which never seems to be appreciated or compensated.

notatinydancer · 15/09/2025 17:56

IndigoBluey · 14/09/2025 21:01

Why can’t you drive? It’s a good skill to have. It might suit you right now, not needing to drive, if you have good transport links where you live however have you considered what will happen with age or any type of debilitation? You might not rely on others for now but life doesn’t always pan out how we plan and you might well be grateful to other drivers if you need a lift to the doctor or shops for some food.

You can get food delivered.

Everythingwillbeokay · 15/09/2025 18:02

Uber eats have just called! Again, you can get quite a lot of deliveries for cost of running a car.

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 18:04

OMGitsnotgood · 15/09/2025 16:43

That’s ok. Of course there will be many people who don’t drive for work, especially if they can work at home or live on a public transport link to a big city. so that is fine. But not driving does limit choices. I know a newly qualified teacher who didn’t drive and struggled to find a permanent position because no schools had vacancies that they could get to without driving. A client facing position outside a big city would be almost impossible without a car. I know hospital staff who work at all different hospitals around our area. They would be restricted to jobs in two or three hosipitals if they didn’t drive. Other examples I could give but you get the picture.
We recently enjoyed a day trip over to and around the Yorkshire coast - it was a long day in a car, would have been impossible without one. But yes of course you can have lovely days out without a car.
I never intended to suggest people who didn’t drive had limited lives, it is of course possible to live a very full life without a car. But it is undeniable that not being able to drive limits choices.

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But it is undeniable that not being able to drive limits choices.

It is also undeniable that one can lose that ability at any time and that would be limiting too if you can’t bear to function without a car.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 18:05

floraldreamer · 15/09/2025 15:06

It's definitely not a new one! I have seen it mentioned in many threads on here and a lot of threads titled along the lines 'Would you date a non-driver' and 'I like this man but he doesn't drive' etc.

I wouldn't date someone asexual (I like sex) or who lives with their parents (I don't like the phrase 'lives at home', doesn't everyone 'live at home'?) unless under extenuating circumstances, but the others are generally okay!

A non-driver to me changes the power dynamic between me and them to non-equal.

Going away for a few days? I am responsible for getting us there. Wants a bar of chocolate/bottle of wine of an evening? I've got to take them to get it. Appointment in awkward place? They either expect it or I feel like I should offer a lift. Wedding? I have to get us there and can't sample the champagne. Xmas visit to the in-laws? I've got to get us there.
Car expenses also inevitably fall to the driver despite you both using it IME (and that of friends, even otherwise decent people do not see it as a family/couple expense as they're just a passenger).

They're not my equal in terms of adult responsibilities and abilities and it puts me off from the start.

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I only meant it was a new one to me. Nothing's new to everyone. I don't like the term lives at home either because where else would you live! Don't know why I used it. Apparently many asexuals like sex, though to my mind that makes them sexual. But of course having one of a couple not driving doesn't make you not equals. There's nothing 'adult' about driving. In fact you could say that those taking the decision not to learn because they feel they'd be unsafe on the roads are being mature and responsible, and you only have to look on MN to find loads of posters moaning about slow, hesitant drivers. For the first 2 yrs of our marriage I couldn't drive, but was completely independent. My DH never drove me to appointments. We always got public transport to weddings. I never felt he had power. But even if both drive, only one can have the car. When I go to my pilates class, if DH has the car I cycle. Terrible bus service but good cycle path and only 6 miles. Often I choose to cycle even if the car's available for me. There are always ways of remaining independent.

Nanatobethatsme46 · 15/09/2025 18:08

TeenLifeMum · 14/09/2025 22:09

Because about 70% of mumsnet issues would be far easier to deal with if the op could drive. It’s hugely limiting. It’s fine you don’t mind it but experience has told me that not driving causes difficulties that drivers don’t face. You need to get you or your loved one/friend to A&E late at night, what would you do?

Phone a taxi obviously

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 18:09

RampantIvy · 15/09/2025 17:15

What a horrible post!

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Uhhmm ....... I don't think it was meant seriously

RampantIvy · 15/09/2025 18:13

The assumption that Uber Eats, regular public transport, taxis at the drop of a hat and other services available to city dwellers are available everywhere is annoying.

We live in a village with a train station with hourly trains and hourly buses. I do use them when I want to go to the places they go to, but I can't get to a hospital easily on public transport or a retail park.

DH has been in hospital for several weeks now, and without a car I would struggle to visit him. He is currently in one half an hour's drive away.

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 15/09/2025 18:19

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 18:04

But it is undeniable that not being able to drive limits choices.

It is also undeniable that one can lose that ability at any time and that would be limiting too if you can’t bear to function without a car.

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This. It's really fucking hard to go from being able to drive (and having your whole life arranged around that ability) to not.

The way drivers talk on here, if you don't have a driving licence you shouldn't expect to have any kind of social life ever again, because no matter what you do, you'll be an inconvenience to drivers.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 18:20

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 15:14

To be nice while moaning about giving a lift. The kind thing to do would be to accept the no given.

I have had people offer me a lift and I have to repeatedly say no and assure them it is ok as if I can’t possibly prefer to take public transport and walk.

I prefer taking the bus, it means more time by myself and I have a lovely walk home. Don’t care if it is lashing it down, that is what the umbrella is for.

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@phoenixrosehere Me too. People try to give me lifts for the silliest short distances. I much prefer to walk. Occasionally I've given in out of politeness, but as soon as they've deposited me at my door I've turned around and gone for a walk.

Travelfairy · 15/09/2025 18:21

Its no one's business but it is a life skill you should learn IMO. My friend is 45, 3 kids and doesnt drive. She lives in an area with good public transport but still taking kids to football matches in rural locations in some cases really requires a car. Its causing issues with her husband ae on weekends he has to drive everyone everywhere, dance class, football, tennis etc and then when thats all done drive her to Tesco to do a grocery shop. Its all on him te kids birthday parties etc
Even for your own independence I would learn. You might not live in areas well served by public transport in the future.
That all said, its also no one else's business.

floraldreamer · 15/09/2025 18:23

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 18:05

I only meant it was a new one to me. Nothing's new to everyone. I don't like the term lives at home either because where else would you live! Don't know why I used it. Apparently many asexuals like sex, though to my mind that makes them sexual. But of course having one of a couple not driving doesn't make you not equals. There's nothing 'adult' about driving. In fact you could say that those taking the decision not to learn because they feel they'd be unsafe on the roads are being mature and responsible, and you only have to look on MN to find loads of posters moaning about slow, hesitant drivers. For the first 2 yrs of our marriage I couldn't drive, but was completely independent. My DH never drove me to appointments. We always got public transport to weddings. I never felt he had power. But even if both drive, only one can have the car. When I go to my pilates class, if DH has the car I cycle. Terrible bus service but good cycle path and only 6 miles. Often I choose to cycle even if the car's available for me. There are always ways of remaining independent.

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Yes, any medical reason I do agree with not driving as a sensible precaution.

I still wouldn't date a non-driver though. It just doesnt work for me.

The last three weddings I have been to have been out in the sticks, not a chance of public transport. On one wedding around 12 years ago, I drove and left the car so I could have a few drinks. It was a looong day. My then partner was affronted that we'd have to pay for a taxi home, and that's the last non-driver I was with. There were reasons other than that for the break-up. I also transported two non-driving 'friends' there who didn't offer any recompense and were quite rude to me on the way there when I got very briefly lost on a country road.

Not happening again.

I stand enlightened about asexuals!

Everythingwillbeokay · 15/09/2025 18:23

@RampantIvy I'm not making an assumption about where you live, I'm pointing out that those of us who don't drive are not necessarily limited as a result? I don't drive, I live somewhere that works for that. Absolutely, if not available to you, and you find yourself unable to drive, you may well find yourself quite limited, because you've made some assumptions about being able to.

Tara336 · 15/09/2025 18:25

Flocke · 14/09/2025 18:55

How does it keep coming up in conversations? I never have conversations about driving with friends. I couldn’t care less who drives and who doesn’t. Unless they ask me for lifts. I have a friend who doesn’t drive. She would also say she never asks for lifts and is always MORE than happy on public transport. Until she isn’t. Until it’s raining and we’ve agreed to meet in town and she “doesn’t want to get soaked.” Or until she’s ordered something huge that she needs to collect and she “can’t carry it on the bus.” Or she has loads of stuff she needs to take to the dump. Or she’s read about this amazing place she wants to try with me but “oh dear it looks like I can’t get there….. so….. hint hint.” Or we’re both invited to a friends wedding in the middle of no where and she can’t get there unless I take her and we wouldn’t want to upset mutual friends would we (guilt trip).

Honestly though, she’s ABSOLUTELY FINE with public transport and NEVER asks for lifts…… 😒

I have a friend like this it drives me bloody mad, according to her (someone who has never even had a lesson) driving is easy as "you just sit there and steer" so it's not at all tiring! I'm so done with it that I'm actively avoiding meeting up now

Sixtimesnow · 15/09/2025 18:26

It's weird the reaction of some to those who don't drive. I have less respect for those who drive everywhere, even places 5 minutes walk away, than non drivers. Those people who never walk to school even though it's less than a mile. Those who raise dc who have never been on a bus or a train. Not everyone needs or wants a car.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 18:35

floraldreamer · 15/09/2025 18:23

Yes, any medical reason I do agree with not driving as a sensible precaution.

I still wouldn't date a non-driver though. It just doesnt work for me.

The last three weddings I have been to have been out in the sticks, not a chance of public transport. On one wedding around 12 years ago, I drove and left the car so I could have a few drinks. It was a looong day. My then partner was affronted that we'd have to pay for a taxi home, and that's the last non-driver I was with. There were reasons other than that for the break-up. I also transported two non-driving 'friends' there who didn't offer any recompense and were quite rude to me on the way there when I got very briefly lost on a country road.

Not happening again.

I stand enlightened about asexuals!

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I think that says more about your ex partner as a person than about driving. Asexuality? Nobody can agree what it means. It seems just about anyone can identify as asexual. Not just medical issues that make it hard for some people to drive. It's a skill that not everyone can manage to perfect. In the same way that not everyone can get an A star in A level Maths, so some people can't manage to pass a driving test. As for your 'friend' I know what you mean. Yrs ago I'd agreed to give a lift to my son's friend. His mother, a non driver, bullied me into letting her come too, and for the whole way she criticised my driving. But these people would be prats whether they drove or not.

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 18:42

RampantIvy · 15/09/2025 18:13

The assumption that Uber Eats, regular public transport, taxis at the drop of a hat and other services available to city dwellers are available everywhere is annoying.

We live in a village with a train station with hourly trains and hourly buses. I do use them when I want to go to the places they go to, but I can't get to a hospital easily on public transport or a retail park.

DH has been in hospital for several weeks now, and without a car I would struggle to visit him. He is currently in one half an hour's drive away.

Also annoying to assume that some must live in a city to have these things.

I live just outside a commuter town. We moved from another town that was a hour from London by train with the same conveniences we have now and where we also lived near the town centre. The only reason we moved was because the homes in the area for what we desired were £50K more than where we live now and smaller. We went from only having a link to London to having links to Oxford, London, Birmingham, Milton Keynes. Where we live now is 20 minutes drive from where we used to live in.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 18:43

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2025 15:56

It's the right thing to do but only if they actually say no? Surely if it's the right thing to do, you are hoping that they accept?

It makes no sense to me at all.

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@Kirbert2 I know what you mean. It's warped and nastily twisted.

BigDeepBreaths · 15/09/2025 18:45

OP i learnt to drive later in life, around 30, and i remember getting irritating comments.

I left home at 18, always stood on my own two feet and couldnt afford to learn to drive until much later. I bought a house before i bought a car as that seemed a higher priority in a big city with excellent public transport. Not that i owe anyone an explanation. The implication behind the comments was generally that i was too lazy to learn or lacking in aspiration. (I know this because sometimes it was said and not implied).

I think at the time i brushed it off casually with “i’ll learn at some point”…the implication being BORE OFF!