Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

Yanbu unless you do any of the following:

• always leave social events early on grounds you have to get 3 busses rather than ever get a taxi etc
• refuse to go anywhere that isn't within a short walk of a bus or train station

My biggest bugbear with non-drivers tends to be when they want all social engagements to be within the limited range of (typically urban) locations accessible on public transport, because they don't want to pay for a taxi.

To be nice while moaning about giving a lift. The kind thing to do would be to accept the no given.

I have had people offer me a lift and I have to repeatedly say no and assure them it is ok as if I can’t possibly prefer to take public transport and walk.

I prefer taking the bus, it means more time by myself and I have a lovely walk home. Don’t care if it is lashing it down, that is what the umbrella is for.

Of course delays happen. However, in my experience serious delays are few and far between. I’d also prefer to be delayed in my car than on a train or bus.

It is your choice and no-one else’s business. I didn’t have a car for a number of years although I had passed my test and managed. However, everything took a lot longer: my journey to work took 2 buses and 50 mins each way, vs 15 mins in the car. I had to shop several times a week because there was only so much I could carry. The thing for me woukd be not being able to explore places that aren’t accessible or easily reached by public transport. But that clearly isn’t a priority for you. A trip to the coast which takes me an hour would take a lot longer by public transport, and then some of my favourite places just wouldn’t be doable on a day trip and would require an overnight stay. It can also limit career choices, either because you need to be able to drive for a particular job or you are limited by public transport as to which jobs you can accept. But you know all that and are happy not driving, completely up to you.

You did read that that was exactly why we stopped socialising - because I stopped offering a lift? I should point out that where we live there is next to no public transport so she knew that she couldn't get to any of the locations. Hence she waited until drivers offered her a lift to the place but made absolutely no effort to get there under her own steam, and there was no public transport for her to use. She was always "up" for going out and having fun, but only if someone took her and brought her home again. We got fed up of the mugs game. If you want to live in a rural area you need to be a driver or accept that you won't be going much anywhere.

I offer because it can be the right thing to do. After a meal out and they are walking to the bus/train waiting on a taxi I’ll offer or meeting somewhere and they say they’ll get a taxi or let me know bus times etc

if people then said nah it’s ok I’ll get PT or here £ for petrol it’s one thing but experience has taught me they accept no matter what and no offer is made

maybe it’s just my experience 🤷🏻‍♀️ but I’ve never had a non driver say no

We get free bulky waste collections by the council. Just put it out on the pavement and it's gone the next day. Actually way easier than taking stuff to the tip.

How often are people making these comments?
who is it making the comments? Your friends? Family? Colleagues?
How does it come up so often in conversation?
If you never ask for lifts, never need to rely on other people for their cars, I just don’t understand how it comes up often enough. Genuinely curious for the context here.

It's the right thing to do but only if they actually say no? Surely if it's the right thing to do, you are hoping that they accept?

It makes no sense to me at all.

The way you're talking @OMGitsnotgood it's as if we non-drivers live a very limited life, it's a really very odd perception, s asks betrays a lack of imagination really. Also, the assumption that jobs are limited? I work from home and office in central London as do lots of people. And have worked in variety of roles / industries over 30 years. I don't find that limiting. I have never needed to drive for work.,

Maybe I worded it wrong what I mean is I’ll offer as it seems like the right thing to do. Not because I actually want to but because I feel like I have to. it just feels wrong to walk away and say I’ll see you later and leave them to it.
if the non driver then said nah it’s ok I’ll get PT or thanks accepts the lift then offered £ it wouldn’t feel like such a bad thing.

I don’t need or want the money and I wouldn’t insist on driving but it’s the offer I guess and my experience has taught me non drivers just don’t offer or say no

not saying this is the op but it is my experience having been a driver for 24 years with friends/family and dates not driving

I can't drive and am very happy about it, I have my own reasons for not driving and I never expect anyone else to give me lifts, Some people do think it's odd but it's no one else's business. Just ignore them OP it isn't compulsory to drive. In fact there are a lot of people on the road that I wish didn't drive

Sorry I have no idea where that gif came from, it's not deliberate! I can't remove it

I think you have chosen to selectively read what I wrote!

Of course they aren't likely to say no if you offer, how are they supposed to know that you don't actually mean it?

It isn't the right thing to do if it isn't a genuine offer and you're hoping they actually say no.

At certain times if year I have more garden waste than I can put in the green bin. Also, we recycle everything we can, and not everything can go in any of the bins we have.

if the non driver then said nah it’s ok I’ll get PT or thanks accepts the lift then offered £ it wouldn’t feel like such a bad thing.

You offer a ride and then expect them to offer to pay money for something you offered so you can turn them down???

Perhaps @OMGitsnotgood and sorry if so, but I just find it odd to even think about careers, I've never even thought about driving with regard to jobs. Surely there are millions of people like me who don't have the kind of career where a car would be necessary. It seems like clutching at straws, but appreciate you've hardly been the most 'shocked at how you live your life', I think I'm just irritated. Sorry.

That’s ok. Of course there will be many people who don’t drive for work, especially if they can work at home or live on a public transport link to a big city. so that is fine. But not driving does limit choices. I know a newly qualified teacher who didn’t drive and struggled to find a permanent position because no schools had vacancies that they could get to without driving. A client facing position outside a big city would be almost impossible without a car. I know hospital staff who work at all different hospitals around our area. They would be restricted to jobs in two or three hosipitals if they didn’t drive. Other examples I could give but you get the picture.
We recently enjoyed a day trip over to and around the Yorkshire coast - it was a long day in a car, would have been impossible without one. But yes of course you can have lovely days out without a car.
I never intended to suggest people who didn’t drive had limited lives, it is of course possible to live a very full life without a car. But it is undeniable that not being able to drive limits choices.

It’s not 2 hours on train, it’s 2-3 buses depending on the timing and then he’d be at the train station where he’d get a train (then I don’t live by the station so would need a taxi or me to collect, or he could walk to my house which would be an hour ish walk.

Your life ...
. Your choice.. tell people to myob

I can drive but dont so I get it, you want your own life, so go for it never mind anyone else. Its tempting to get annoyed with nosey people, but none of their business.

YANBU, and it's no one's business unless you make it their business for some reason. However, you may need to drive in the future, better to learn when you're relatively commitment free, pre kids.

I don't drive. It wasn't a problem when I lived in London. Now it is limiting my life, and the life of my daughter. It places an unnecessary burden on my husband, and I find it thoroughly embarrassing needing to ask for lifts occasionally. I'm learning, but I'm not very good at it!

If you are expecting a lift that’s what annoys people.

Anybody who does not drive is a failure in life and does not deserve to have a friend or partner...

What a horrible post!