Page 14 | Comments because I don’t drive

Waolom · 2025-09-14T17:40:24+00:00

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy. So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not. AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 13:33

Tipeetommeey · 15/09/2025 09:59

I don’t find it strange people don’t drive if they live in a city centre. I find it unusual if someone CANT drive especially if they have kids and can afford to. Driving generally makes things quicker and easier and it has widened the distance I can work, it has taken me all around the world, it had opened up opportunities to my kids, it has given me wider choice of schools for them, got them to uni quickly and easily and made supporting a terminally ill partner that much easier.

I use public transport frequently too but I think if you are not a driver you don’t realise how much the world opens up to you if you have the option to drive

Interesting. In the 36 yrs since I passed my driving test, I haven't noticed my world opening. Nor was it closed before.

ItsFineReally · 15/09/2025 13:35

Although having a driving licence is useful from a documentation point of view. And personally, I do think it's advantageous to know how to drive even if you don't run a car.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 13:43

Waolom · 15/09/2025 12:42

If I’m taking time off work to go to a doctors appointment and need more time then so what?

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Some employers make you make up the time, and if they don't, that's their fault, not the fault of the non driver.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 13:47

TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2025 12:52

He can, but he can’t think oh I fancy a trip to the beach and just go. He can’t go fishing without seeing if the larger taxi (one in his area 20 minutes from a UK city) is available to fit his rods in etc. it takes a lot more planning and effort. To get to me (an hour’s drive away) would be 2-3 buses and a train taking 2 hours minimum.

Not driving makes life harder, especially in emergency situations.

Edited

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Is it really harder to have 2 hrs on train relaxing? I choose it over driving any day.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 13:49

BMW6 · 15/09/2025 12:59

Lol I don't have one.

I don't need one. There's just me. I wash up once a day using very little hot water.

A dishwasher would make no sense to me, but you do you. I couldn't care less 😂

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I can drive, and it saves neither time nor effort. Don't have dishwasher .... or airfryer!

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 13:57

floraldreamer · 15/09/2025 10:37

It wouldn't be for me. This morning I've driven to the gym before work-getting there on a bus would take me around an hour as opposed to 15 minutes. After work I want to nip to the shops, Aldi is my preference and they don't deliver. I have just been on a minibreak with family, stopped off at a market along the way-not possible without a car. I like the freedom of it.

I don't and won't date non-drivers either. I would feel like someone's Mum driving them around, always having to be the one to stay sober at events, always having to be the one to nip out and get things if after sociable hours, always feeling like I have to be available to go somewhere spontaneously.

I have a part-time job that requires a lot of lugging heavy things about to different places too-my life wouldn't be possible without a car. And I WFH in my 'normal' job too.

However, having said this, I absolutely do not judge anyone who chooses to not, and I understand that people's lifestyles are different and some people get along just fine without a car. Other people do tend to look down on adults who don't drive.
I am trying to think of people I know-I don't know many who don't drive, all family do, my nieces learned as soon as they were old enough.

I have a friend who doesn't drive, her partner does, she gets the bus to work always has and she actually will not do long journeys with her partner driving (he's an excellent driver but she doesn't trust him and his driving style makes her anxious). If they visit here, I will pick them up from the train station as long as I am available.

I have another friend who says she has a licence and doesn't drive due to medication. She does however smoke a lot of 'wacky baccy' and probably wouldn't be safe to regardless. She visits me and I do feel a bit odd to be the one always driving us about to places. When I visit her I make a point of not driving us around too. We get taxis a lot of the time if we go anywhere. I don't judge her for it per se, but she lives in the sticks and I find it a bit weird. She has another friend who's more local to her who seems to drive her about a lot.

You won't date non drivers? That's a new one. There are posts on not dating anyone who lives at home, is vegan, is untidy, asexual, and another I can't remember, oh yes, on minimum wage. But not driving??? But why am I laughing, because I wouldn't date a non driver ...... for some strange reason, my DH wouldn't like it.

GleisZwei · 15/09/2025 13:58

Mildorado · 15/09/2025 09:22

She's literally just said: she never asks for lifts.

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I am aware of this, hence the aside in brackets.

zingally · 15/09/2025 14:11

You do you, but you've limited where you can live because you're dependent on infrastructure, and you're limited in the jobs you can take because public transport might not be available.

I know plenty of people who have a license, but for various reasons chose not to drive. That's fair enough. But to consciously make the choice to not even learn, seem like a "I'm not going to drive, so nur to you" is a bit bizarre to me.

Riverswims · 15/09/2025 14:11

Ponderingwindow · 14/09/2025 18:55

Not being able to drive means you have the privilege of living somewhere with excellent public transportation. In many places people don’t have the option to choose not to become drivers.

You have limited yourself to never move somewhere without such infrastructure. It also impacts your ability to travel. This is a fairly significant life choice. It’s fine, people make life choices all the time. It’s just not one most people have an easy time understanding.

💯🫡

BMW6 · 15/09/2025 14:13

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 13:49

I can drive, and it saves neither time nor effort. Don't have dishwasher .... or airfryer!

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Now I DO have a little airfryer - very quick and economical - and eco friendly - when cooking for one! 😁

BMW6 · 15/09/2025 14:16

zingally · 15/09/2025 14:11

You do you, but you've limited where you can live because you're dependent on infrastructure, and you're limited in the jobs you can take because public transport might not be available.

I know plenty of people who have a license, but for various reasons chose not to drive. That's fair enough. But to consciously make the choice to not even learn, seem like a "I'm not going to drive, so nur to you" is a bit bizarre to me.

Edited

So what will YOU do if you have to stop driving because of age or infirmity? Got a plan?

176509user · 15/09/2025 14:22

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 13:47

Is it really harder to have 2 hrs on train relaxing? I choose it over driving any day.

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If it’s an uncomplicated 2 hr journey, yes, no problem!
My experience of train travel is of unexpected delays, short notice cancellations, being packed in like sardines and often no reasonable explanation for said delays or cancellations.
Rural buses are often worse because they take an age. Ok if you don’t mind taking an hour and 15 minutes to travel 25 miles.

If I didn’t drive I wouldn’t be able to take myself off to remote beaches, the highlands or anywhere far off the beaten track without relying on others ( not served by bus or train services and unlikely would a taxi go there. Even if they did, they’d be abandoning me in the middle of nowhere with no internet service so for me that wouldn’t be an option)

If you live in a city with good public transport infrastructure like London, not driving is doable. As long as you don’t want to explore outwith.

zingally · 15/09/2025 14:24

BMW6 · 15/09/2025 14:16

So what will YOU do if you have to stop driving because of age or infirmity? Got a plan?

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The thread isn't about me, so my personal circumstances are irrelevant.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 14:25

176509user · 15/09/2025 14:22

If it’s an uncomplicated 2 hr journey, yes, no problem!
My experience of train travel is of unexpected delays, short notice cancellations, being packed in like sardines and often no reasonable explanation for said delays or cancellations.
Rural buses are often worse because they take an age. Ok if you don’t mind taking an hour and 15 minutes to travel 25 miles.

If I didn’t drive I wouldn’t be able to take myself off to remote beaches, the highlands or anywhere far off the beaten track without relying on others ( not served by bus or train services and unlikely would a taxi go there. Even if they did, they’d be abandoning me in the middle of nowhere with no internet service so for me that wouldn’t be an option)

If you live in a city with good public transport infrastructure like London, not driving is doable. As long as you don’t want to explore outwith.

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Aha you're scottish. So am I but I live in England.

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 14:28

zingally · 15/09/2025 14:11

You do you, but you've limited where you can live because you're dependent on infrastructure, and you're limited in the jobs you can take because public transport might not be available.

I know plenty of people who have a license, but for various reasons chose not to drive. That's fair enough. But to consciously make the choice to not even learn, seem like a "I'm not going to drive, so nur to you" is a bit bizarre to me.

Edited

Yet, there is no guarantee that everyone will always be able to drive or have a car at their disposal. There are also plenty of jobs that are remote and wfh. It’s a different kind of limiting to always need a car.

Yes, not having a car or driving means you have to live somewhere with good infrastructure but not really a negative whether you drive or not because you have the choice not to.

I wouldn’t want to live anywhere where I have to drive 20-30 minutes to go to a shop or have to drive my kids to an activity or to do something several times a week. There’s also plenty of people who don’t want to visit those who live so far away from being able to do or get anything.

BMW6 · 15/09/2025 14:31

zingally · 15/09/2025 14:24

The thread isn't about me, so my personal circumstances are irrelevant.

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Well you were happy to tell me how limiting my options were as a non driver!

I've asked several times what drivers plan to do when they can no longer drive - not one has given any ideas yet!

If drivers have chosen their location because they have the freedom of the car what will they do if they can't?

It's not particularly personal to you.

DataColour · 15/09/2025 14:35

Yes it's funny that drivers avoid the question of what happens if they can no longer drive -very likely to happen late in life, but keep asking non-drivers what happens if we need to go to A&E in an emergency in the middle of the night - very unlikely scenario for the vast majority of people.

176509user · 15/09/2025 14:41

BMW6 · 15/09/2025 14:31

Well you were happy to tell me how limiting my options were as a non driver!

I've asked several times what drivers plan to do when they can no longer drive - not one has given any ideas yet!

If drivers have chosen their location because they have the freedom of the car what will they do if they can't?

It's not particularly personal to you.

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Once I get to the point that I no longer want to drive ( or cant) I think I’ll be at a point in life where I’m happy to chill in my garden and potter about in the company of my cats.
My children live nearby and they’ve said they’ll happily return the favour of being taxi driver ( I was Mum the Taxi before they got their own cars).
I’m not at that point yet though and I’ll enjoy my independence for as long as safely possible.

sydneyr · 15/09/2025 14:46

ive been a driver since I was 17 it was one of the first things I done at that age.

mainly because I grew up in a village with awful public transport (one bus an hour to the local town and no buses before 8 am or after 6pm) . So for me to get out I had to rely on my parents or taxis.

I totally understand the not driving if you live in a city or area with good public transport but if not then a car is essential. Where I live now again is a village and public transport isn’t great. The local town would take me 30-40 mins on a bus and again no late night or early morning services but only 15 mins in the car so driving is a must. Similar for my commute I would be closer to 1.5-2 hrs (bus and 2 trains plus 30ish min walk) driving I’m 40 mins in rush hour 25 off peak

what bothers me is friends that can’t drive who say the same as you but then accept ‘lifts’ when offered even if they know it’s out the way. Or restrict where we can meet or go since public transport isn’t great and unless I offer to do all the driving then it’s not an option. Same with breaks away etc

what I’m saying is as long as you get public transport and really think about taking the lifts offered etc (not out the way for people and offer petrol money) then it’s really no one’s business

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2025 14:48

176509user · 15/09/2025 14:22

If it’s an uncomplicated 2 hr journey, yes, no problem!
My experience of train travel is of unexpected delays, short notice cancellations, being packed in like sardines and often no reasonable explanation for said delays or cancellations.
Rural buses are often worse because they take an age. Ok if you don’t mind taking an hour and 15 minutes to travel 25 miles.

If I didn’t drive I wouldn’t be able to take myself off to remote beaches, the highlands or anywhere far off the beaten track without relying on others ( not served by bus or train services and unlikely would a taxi go there. Even if they did, they’d be abandoning me in the middle of nowhere with no internet service so for me that wouldn’t be an option)

If you live in a city with good public transport infrastructure like London, not driving is doable. As long as you don’t want to explore outwith.

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and unexpected delays never happen on the road?

Traffic
road works
delays due to an accident etc

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2025 14:50

sydneyr · 15/09/2025 14:46

ive been a driver since I was 17 it was one of the first things I done at that age.

mainly because I grew up in a village with awful public transport (one bus an hour to the local town and no buses before 8 am or after 6pm) . So for me to get out I had to rely on my parents or taxis.

I totally understand the not driving if you live in a city or area with good public transport but if not then a car is essential. Where I live now again is a village and public transport isn’t great. The local town would take me 30-40 mins on a bus and again no late night or early morning services but only 15 mins in the car so driving is a must. Similar for my commute I would be closer to 1.5-2 hrs (bus and 2 trains plus 30ish min walk) driving I’m 40 mins in rush hour 25 off peak

what bothers me is friends that can’t drive who say the same as you but then accept ‘lifts’ when offered even if they know it’s out the way. Or restrict where we can meet or go since public transport isn’t great and unless I offer to do all the driving then it’s not an option. Same with breaks away etc

what I’m saying is as long as you get public transport and really think about taking the lifts offered etc (not out the way for people and offer petrol money) then it’s really no one’s business

Why offer a lift if you don't actually want to do it? That's your choice for offering it but not actually meaning it.

DataColour · 15/09/2025 14:52

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2025 14:48

and unexpected delays never happen on the road?

Traffic
road works
delays due to an accident etc

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Indeed. Funnily enough, at work, the people that are late most often and complain about the commute the most aren't the ones that walk, cycle or get PT, it's the drivers.

henlake7 · 15/09/2025 14:59

I dont think Ive ever had anybody look down on me for not driving, maybe act surprised if they are a 'drive everywhere' type but thats it!
Its not really an issue for me, all amenities/job are within a 2 mile walk of my house as I live in a built up area. I grew up with non drivers and my best friend cant drive either so its kinda just normal....
Just to say I did try and learn as a teenager and even took a couple of tests but I found the whole experience insanely stressful and couldnt hack it (my mind would get stuck on how I could kill someone or someone could drive like a prat and kill me....I just didnt need that kind of mental trauma!!LOL😂).

floraldreamer · 15/09/2025 15:06

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 13:57

You won't date non drivers? That's a new one. There are posts on not dating anyone who lives at home, is vegan, is untidy, asexual, and another I can't remember, oh yes, on minimum wage. But not driving??? But why am I laughing, because I wouldn't date a non driver ...... for some strange reason, my DH wouldn't like it.

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It's definitely not a new one! I have seen it mentioned in many threads on here and a lot of threads titled along the lines 'Would you date a non-driver' and 'I like this man but he doesn't drive' etc.

I wouldn't date someone asexual (I like sex) or who lives with their parents (I don't like the phrase 'lives at home', doesn't everyone 'live at home'?) unless under extenuating circumstances, but the others are generally okay!

A non-driver to me changes the power dynamic between me and them to non-equal.

Going away for a few days? I am responsible for getting us there. Wants a bar of chocolate/bottle of wine of an evening? I've got to take them to get it. Appointment in awkward place? They either expect it or I feel like I should offer a lift. Wedding? I have to get us there and can't sample the champagne. Xmas visit to the in-laws? I've got to get us there.
Car expenses also inevitably fall to the driver despite you both using it IME (and that of friends, even otherwise decent people do not see it as a family/couple expense as they're just a passenger).

They're not my equal in terms of adult responsibilities and abilities and it puts me off from the start.

Iwanttobeanonymous · 15/09/2025 15:11

There seems to be a double standard, where people seem to think a man with a non driving partner is OK but a woman having a non driving male partner is not!

Im.always being told my dh should "learn" to drive. "Learn" because after uni he lived 1abroad and passed a test there but never bothered to take a test on his return to England. But he knows he doesnt like driving and as we live in a town he can walk or get a bus to.almpst everywhere. I actually like driving - the only time I'd like him to is on long journeys. But he also liles a drink rsther too much these days so its better as it is.