Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

I was a non driver at the time and also lived close to 2 big hospitals but I had no idea that my son would require intensive care and a surgery that neither hospital did for children so he was transferred to a hospital 18 miles away and that was just because they had a bed free, if not it would've been even further away.

We managed because obviously it was serious enough that he needed intensive care so I went with him in the ambulance and DH followed behind in a taxi. We also initially took him to the local A&E in a taxi.

I drive now because he's now disabled and has constant appointments far away, early mornings etc but I don't think I would've learned otherwise.

and obviously, it is unlikely that a child will end up needing intensive care but might just be worth checking the hospitals so if it was to happen, at least you'd know and it would take some of the stress out. As I said, if a child is that poorly, it is generally an ambulance transfer anyway.

I think once some drivers become too dependant on their cars, they don't see any other way of getting around. Choosing the most appropriate means of transport for a journey is something they can't do. I have friends who have cars, but also they also cycle or walk if the journey is short or if they don't have to carry heaving shopping, and that's great and so much better for the environment and for keeping healthy and not clogging up the roads.

I live in a small village, have two children and don’t drive. I tried, for about five years on and off after my second child was born, spent an astronomical amount of money, put myself through endless stress, failed 13 times and concluded there’s no way I should be on the road.

It’s not an ideal place to live as a non- driver, but we couldn’t afford the nearby city where we both work, and when we bought the house we assumed I’d pass my test at some point! It’s fine. I cycle ten minutes to the station for the ten minute train-ride to work. The primary school was a short walk away, and now the children are in secondary there’s a free bus. There are buses in each direction to the city and a nearby market town. There are taxis and we now have Uber. I can cycle, walk, bus train or taxi pretty much anywhere I need to go. I get groceries delivered. I work in the middle of town so can nip to the chemist/post office etc at lunchtime if I need to. Family are in London, so when I visit them I go by train. DH drives.

Yes, it requires more planning than being able to jump in the car. Yes, it’s sometimes a pain. Yes, DH would love to be able to share the driving sometimes. But a) it’s totally workable and b) I tried! Not everyone can or should drive, and no amount of pointing out of what inadequate excuses for adults this makes us is going to make any difference.

@Minty82 not being funny but did you ever try learning in an automatic?

Oh, I lived next to a massive hospital. I just got a fun disease that meant treatment at a specialist unit.

And I can see the school field from my house, but I still got called upon to do a lot of mum taxis over the years for school related activities.

I quite enjoyed being a non-driver but I can’t deny the car has made life a lot easier.

Just the other day, dh witnessed neighbours who ‘never’ use public transport - ‘It’s only for peasants’ - at the local railway station - telling the ticket office clerk that they needed tickets to a major central London government building - they hadn’t a clue which station to ask for, and evidently hadn’t bothered to find out!

Every since I started to learn to drive I've been a lot more socially accepted by people around me and some of my relatives. I don't know why, it's a weird psychology. I was moaned at constantly to do it but never had any need to. I never needed to in the past because I've always lived in congested cities with public transport. I'm only learning now because my daughter has SEN and is a danger walking along the pavement. Otherwise, I'd still have no issue with public transport.

Note how Outside9 says "driver's license" rather than drivING - indicates s/he is American. They think not driving is like refusing to use telephones or something - and a lot don't have passports.

Yes - I can’t judge distances; assess and respond to the behaviour of other drivers; park….it’s not a good idea and I’ve come to terms with it!

It wouldn't be for me. This morning I've driven to the gym before work-getting there on a bus would take me around an hour as opposed to 15 minutes. After work I want to nip to the shops, Aldi is my preference and they don't deliver. I have just been on a minibreak with family, stopped off at a market along the way-not possible without a car. I like the freedom of it.

I don't and won't date non-drivers either. I would feel like someone's Mum driving them around, always having to be the one to stay sober at events, always having to be the one to nip out and get things if after sociable hours, always feeling like I have to be available to go somewhere spontaneously.

I have a part-time job that requires a lot of lugging heavy things about to different places too-my life wouldn't be possible without a car. And I WFH in my 'normal' job too.

However, having said this, I absolutely do not judge anyone who chooses to not, and I understand that people's lifestyles are different and some people get along just fine without a car. Other people do tend to look down on adults who don't drive.
I am trying to think of people I know-I don't know many who don't drive, all family do, my nieces learned as soon as they were old enough.

I have a friend who doesn't drive, her partner does, she gets the bus to work always has and she actually will not do long journeys with her partner driving (he's an excellent driver but she doesn't trust him and his driving style makes her anxious). If they visit here, I will pick them up from the train station as long as I am available.

I have another friend who says she has a licence and doesn't drive due to medication. She does however smoke a lot of 'wacky baccy' and probably wouldn't be safe to regardless. She visits me and I do feel a bit odd to be the one always driving us about to places. When I visit her I make a point of not driving us around too. We get taxis a lot of the time if we go anywhere. I don't judge her for it per se, but she lives in the sticks and I find it a bit weird. She has another friend who's more local to her who seems to drive her about a lot.

Where you are sounds lovely! I live on the outskirts of a small town but there's no real safe way of cycling into the town from here or to anywhere else.

In what context are people making so many comments about you not driving that it made you start this post?

I can’t say I’ve come across many conversations where I’m asked if I can drive or not. Very random question to ask someone if it has zero impact on them.

I do drive. But have had periods of sharing a car with DH so not really having the freedom of it. And generally use public transport a lot as it works much better.

In Europe, I don’t get comments as it is so normal. People get the train even long distances so much more. Including me - I have gone to Amsterdam, Paris, parts of Belgium, Luxembourg City, Eindhoven, and all sorts by train, quite happily.

But at home, it is a constant source of commentary that I don’t always drive everywhere. And that I will put myself out to go on foot or by public transport. It’s very frustrating.

I have friends who doesn't drive, some are like you, would never ask/expect a lift. She actually have a license but chose not to have a car. I wouldn't make a comment at all, up to each if the want to drive or not. A car is a bit of freedom yes, but also a big expense and a head ache if/when something goes wrong.

I live in a remote rural area that is popular with retirees. I am amazed at the number of couples who buy a lovely cottage in a spot where there is no possibility of public transport and no taxi service and the wife - always the wife, sadly - does not drive. One near to me has just had to be rehoused by social services because her husband has dementia and has gone to a care home and she cannot manage where she lives. They only retired there a year or so ago. If you cannot drive (which is your choice, but terribly limiting) DO NOT make the choice to retire to the countryside if you are dependent on a partner to drive you to the shops, dentist, doctor, railway station, etc. Just don't do it.

I think if you are saying that never in your life has no one ever given you a lift you are lying and also in a relationship to always be the one who drives or the friend who drives, i dont drink and im always expected to drive so you may not ask but it does mean others feel they have to give you a lift unless you are rich and Uber everywhere

Ive managed to get into my 80s without learning to drive. Nor can I swim. These are two basic life skills which I never mastered. Yet I have several degrees and a doctorate. Ive always lived in a big city and used the public transport.Ive also travelled very widely as a solo femals and also using public transport or taxis. Now that my mobility is poor I get taxis when I need to go out. If I had a car it would sit in the garage because my eyesight would not be fit to drive safely. I dont ask people to give me lifts.

There are some advantages to not having a car when you get older. You can use it as an excuse for not going to places you dont want to go. And if there is no car parked outside then no one knows if you are home or not so you dont have to open the door.

Look on the good side.

Agree, in England at least, nowhere is that far off the beaten track that it can't be done with a combination of public transport and taxis

Hahahahahahaha....what???!

I'm as pro-public transport as it gets. But it is very, very, limited in many parts of the country and thus many of us need a car out of necessity.
In a lot of rural places taxis simply do not exist (I mean, unless you book one from the nearest major railway station on arrival... but then you'll struggle to get back there)
It astounds me that people just don't understand taxis don't operate everywhere, as it's so far outside of their own experience.

It's like when we're on holiday and the kids ask if we can order a takeaway to the holiday cottage. They often don't fathom that no, JustEat and Deliveroo don't exist rurally.

We need to be honest about the fact that public transport doesn't work for a huge proportion of the country if we're ever going to make it better.
People blithely saying "oh public transport is great" while operating in their own bubble of Sunday rail services, Ubers and regular bus services aren't helping the cause of those who want to travel that way but can't.

But @Jollyhockeystickss I don't get the rich comment. I get Ubers a lot, I'm not rich, but I don't have the expense of a car?

WELL IN london one suspects that the concerned authorities do not want to give out licences.I think they are trying to reduce road users by not giving out licences and making it very difficult to get a test and pass a test.
Lessons are very expensive and apparently one needs thousands spent on them before you are considered ''testable''- then it takes many months to even book a test. I know someone who failed x2 and spent about £7000 on lessons!
They have now given up.

YANBU. I don't drive either and no, before people say 'Well do you ask for lifts all the time?' the answer to that is no, literally never. I don't even ask my partner - if he realises I'm going somewhere on my own that's a ball-ache by public transport, he'll offer if he's able to, but I don't ask or expect it.

Most people who ask why I don't drive are curious rather than judgemental, so they're not being unpleasant about it - the main reason I don't drive is related to the fact that I'm dyspraxic, which I don't necessarily want to start explaining to people I don't know very well and it can be a bit tiresome, but I get that generally people are just making conversation.

The only place I've ever encountered genuine shock/judgement/borderline anger about my inability to drive is Mumsnet, in fact.

The Brits could do with getting on with their short lives and worrying about their own issues instead of judging other people via social media, or getting whipped into a froth by the gutter press (which let;s face it, most of you consume).

We gave up vehicles 8 years ago, live in South Lakes. Transport s fine for all we need, and we have become very fit and love walking. We have managed fine in emergencies.

I think a lot of people fall back on the same line "I hope you don't expect lifts!" because they are stuck in the mindset of the past. It's just a stock response and it's getting rather tired. No one cares about your noisy metal box

My parents practically gave up walking in their 60's due to car use and it did not help their health one bit.

Also love how someone managed to squeeze having a nanny and private schools into a thread about driving, lol. Sometimes it pays to step away from the gin and MN to maybe go outside and breathe in the fresh air. Do some stretching and maybe try walking more than a couple of meters from your car - I promise, you won't lose the arse imprint in the seat for a while yet!

I say this as a driver myself:

Buying/financing, insuring, road taxing, and MOTing a car, just in case you might need it one day for A&E, is quite extreme.

I don’t drive anymore since my 3 year license expired when I was living abroad, and husband never has, I have 2 small children and I live in a small town, it’s fine, saves lots of money! Never asked for a lift from anyone and can get most places on the bus or train. You can take a lot of cabs for the cost of running a car. The only issue I have had is that sometimes we don’t get invited to go places because people assume that we can’t if it isn’t walking distance, which is never true.

Those of you who can't run your lives without a car, what would you do if you couldn't drive anymore? Do people not think about this when they choose where to live? My DF is now 82 and thinking sbou stopping driving, he is worried about deteriorating eyesight. Fortunately he lives somewhere where he is well connected.

If you live in the sticks, where there aren't taxis etc, aren't you worried something might stop you driving? An accident, illness, old age?