Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

I'm 45 and can't drive. Failed test at 17 and my overriding emotion was relief. I decided there and then that I wouldn't drive again, and I haven't. It hasn't held me back in life so far. My mum sees it as a major failing to have not acquired this 'life skill' but she's stopped making comments as even she had to admit that I don't rely on anyone to drive me around.

I have a car, but it’s mostly used for longer journeys that are possible by PT, but take much longer and are much more of a PITA.

Mostly, and virtually always locally, I use PT, which is very good, and at my great age is free. 🙂
TBH I get a bit pissed off if I have to wait more than about 5 minutes for a bus.

Someone up thread mentioned cycling in the Netherlands being ‘safe and pleasant’. I was amazed on a trip to Amsterdam a few years ago, that I didn’t see even one helmet among the many thousands of cyclists whizzing about the city at top speed. And one morning, right outside our hotel, a friend of ours very narrowly missed colliding with a woman whizzing along with no helmet - and a young baby just held in one arm! 😱

Two gyms within 15 minutes walk, the closest being 8 minutes, down the street and two minutes from my son’s school. I have to pass his school to get There.

There are two nurseries across the street from his school and a Co-op. The retail park the gym is in has an M&S and you can see the Super Tesco from it which is a 10 minutes walk to get to from there.

Two secondary schools within 15 minutes walk.

Garden centre -15 minutes walk

Two surgeries and several dentists under 20 minutes walk.

Town centre 20 minutes walks, bus stop I can see from my window and another less than 5 minutes that can take me to Oxford and JR hospital.

Play Parks - too many to count and I pass at least 5 on my 7 min walk to my son’s school.

Two trains, closest is 18 minutes walk.

The prescription bit I would just call first to see if they have it in the first place and can sometimes choose the pharmacy to get it from.

Bulky items. Cheaper to get it delivered more often than not for us and depending on the bulky item, probably wouldn’t fit the car anyway. We definitely can’t fit furniture in ours.

I do not live in a city. I live in a commuter town.

The area I live in was built with convenience in mind where people wouldn’t have to drive unless they desired to.

It was one of the main reasons we moved here. Anything can happen where one cannot drive or have a car. Many people in our area are disabled and elderly along with a lot of families. We don’t have to drive our sons to activities because it is a walk away and if anything happened to one of us, we would still be able to go about our lives without having to drive or use a car. If we had to sell the car, we would easily be able to manage.

I have driven before and I dislike it. I am able to get my children where we need to be without a car and have taken them allover the UK by just taking the train and/or bus. They love it and get excited about it. I also don’t like the way people drive and park and I don’t want to have to deal with anymore than I have to as a pedestrian.

I don’t ask for lifts and prefer taking the bus and train where I can simply chill and read.

I’m not even in the car five times a month. The only times I am more than that is if we’re visiting DH’s family or mine in the States and DH loves driving there.

I would have to spend the money and re-learn how to drive and on a different side mind since I haven’t driven a car in 15 years and I was in the States then. We would also need a second car. The expense to re-learn, get a car, insurance, and maintenance is not worth the expense for us.

@FeelinTwentySixPointTwo - I was talking specifically about the point that you could never visit off the beaten track places on holiday without a car if you lived in a city as a previous poster stated.

I agree that there are numerous places where day to day life would be extremely difficult without a car. I grew up somewhere with a twice weekly bus service to town on market days.

It’s pretty unusual to not drive, especially at your age.

It’s no-one’s business, but if you think people won’t comment or ask you why you don’t drive, you’re not being realistic.

You could also say that those who comment and/or ask also have no imagination. It really isn't hard to think for a second and come up with a few reasons why someone might not want to drive or can't drive.

Driving lessons are expensive
Running a car also isn't cheap
Not liking the roads/feeling anxious at the thought of driving
Living somewhere with good public transport links so it doesn't feel necessary
Trying several times to learn, failing and deciding it isn't for them

etc etc

It's weird. Like adults who can't swim.

It would be a major ick if my partner couldn't drive.

There is a difference between someone asking for a lift and being offered one and you know it.

If you feel the need to offer one when you really don’t want to that is on you.

I know plenty of adults who can’t swim, usually due to fear of water.

My BIL can’t ride a bike yet has a phd in geophysics.

Not being able to do some things is not weird, it’s people being ridiculous about it that makes it weird.

I can't swim.

I grew up with a single parent who couldn't afford swimming lessons and as I got older, I just have never found it necessary to spend money on expensive adult swimming lessons.

I couldn't drive until I was well into adulthood either and felt like it became necessary, I'd do the same if it came to it with swimming too but it hasn't happened yet.

I’m in London so most people don’t drive even if they can, except when they are going out of town. I find really odd when people find it strange. Learning to drive is expensive and not everyone has that kind of money just lying around! For me, when I was younger I didn’t have the money to learn (parents couldn’t and wouldn’t pay for lessons), and by the time I was earning enough to learn I was in my 40s, working crazy hours and a single parent, and the logistics of it didn’t work. I planned to learn once DD was at secondary and I could take a bit of time for myself, but developed Parkinson’s before that, and no longer have any money, and I don’t think I would be allowed to drive anyway (brain fog, poor reaction time, shaky hands I can’t always control, plus extremely dodgy eyesight). I was in employment from the age of 16 but needed that money for stuff like food and electricity bills, not driving lessons.

I can never reconcile MN gospel that a) the roads are congested, dangerous, and getting worse all the time, b) we need fewer cyclists, not more and c) anyone who can't drive is a pathetic loser.

I drive, but I wouldn't dream of commenting or asking anyone else why she dosen't. If she wants to volunteer the information, she will. Asking about it is rude.

I don't drive for a variety of reasons. I have been in two car accidents as a passenger and it was terrifying so when I did try to learn I found it very scary. Then due to being a single parent and really struggling for money , paying for lessons and a car was not a realistic proposition. Personally I think I would be an awful driver and the roads already seem to have plenty already. The city I live in has excellent transport and I can get to wherever I need or want to be. Imagine if virtually every adult drove and had a vehicle, the pollution, the accidents, the congestion on the roads, maybe us non-drivers are doing our bit for the environment by using public transport and walking. Speaking of walking, anther benefit of not driving is the inbuilt excecise that you get without even thinking about it. I will be walking to and from the local shops today, so that is a total of 40 minutes walking, good for me and good for the planet.

I learned to swim as an adult. School swimming lessons consisted of the teacher coaching those who could swim and leaving the rest to mess about in the shallow end. I’m not a strong swimmer, prefer pool to sea swimming but I think I could swim well enough to save my life if I needed to.

I know I’m being unreasonable but it’s the “don’t” bit in “I don’t drive” which irks me, rather inexplicably. Actually, thinking about it, it’s probably because it’s normally as a precursor to someone wanting something ‘free or cheap’ delivered - because they “don’t drive”.

I do find it odd if someone doesn’t drive, it’s a life skill, but it’s everyone’s own choice. I don’t care if someone doesn’t, and likely wouldn’t know, unless of course they ask for a lift. It becomes a pain if you are in a couple and only you drive - I’m in that situation (as the driver) and it drives me mad I have to drive us everywhere, I would far rather be able to share the driving to and from places. And no, I’m not going to pay for taxis when there’s a car sitting there, and neither of us drink.

Are you joking? In the USA it’s only the very poor and ex criminals who ride the buses (plus occasionally nuns and tourists). See Bill Bryson’s book but we experienced the reality of this when we were too young to hire a car so had to use the buses. It was an experience. Car culture in North America is far more embedded than the UK.

Drivers are wary of non-drivers because they will have been treated badly by other non-drivers in the past.

Talking about visiting a non local place and they say "so what's the plan" a seemingly open question where the obvious answer is to offer to take them

It's only ever the non driver who will call road trip.

Even events on facebook where half the comments are non drivers tagging their driver friends meaning if you then visit that place you're supposed to take them with you

So don't take it personally, they are just tired of it

Just for some balance… and a bit different to telling you that you were ‘talking rubbish’

Seriously… most drivers you know regularly walk/train? I wonder how many on this thread can say the same. I can tell you whilst I walk past the horrific, often gridlock traffic every day that you and your friends are in the minority.

@RhaenysRocks I'm similar to @phoenixrosehere in that everything I need on a week to week basis is walkable or accessible by public transport. I actively chose to live in a neighborhood like this.

Within 5 mins walk of my house there is a Tesco Metro, Co-op, library, pharmacy, NHS dentist, hairdressers and barbers, florist, and other small shops. Plus a few bus stops with very frequent buses - rare to wait more than 5 mins.

Within 10 mins walk there is a large leisure centre with gym, swimming pool and soft play, two doctors surgeries, two parks, 2 local pubs.

Within 15 mins walk there is a large regional hospital (people are referred there from far and wide for specialist procedures and emergencies), two primary schools and a secondary, children's clubs like Scouts. I chose a slightly further school for my child - 25 mins walk, quicker when he cycles.

I take the bus to work (25 mins). A major train station is 15 mins by bus, and from there there are direct trains to several major cities, useful for occasional business trips.

I can get a bus to the out of town shopping mall or the city centre by bus from the end of my road (both around 25mins). My partner drives so we would take car if we were buying a bulky item but in terms of building materials from B&Q that you mention, we've often arranged deliveries as too much for car.

I've no doubt you could live my life more efficiently by car but my lifestyle keeps me active - a half hour walk is nothing to me. Others drive then sit at an office desk all day and then feel they need to go to the gym. Whereas activity is built in to my day.

Ignore them, OP. Your lifestyle is greener. For some reason people are very judgemental re driving, both towards those who don't, and towards those who drive slowly - you don't have to look far to find the MN posts insisting those people shouldn't be driving. I rarely drive and am fitter because of all the walking and biking that I do. For longer journeys I prefer to let the train take the strain while I read my book. A friend, who felt bad about not having learned to drive, once looked at me and remarked that I was very independent despite never driving anywhere.

I don't drive by choice. I don't find it 'hugely limiting', it's other way around, in fact.

I'm a city person and rather kill myself than live somewhere in a small village. I'm 100% not a nature person, so 'long scenic walks' in the middle of nowhere is as interesting to me as poking needles through my fanny. Everything I want/need is on my doorstep, all the cultural points, shops, pubs, etc. If slightly futher, it's easily reachable by public transport, an airport is less than an hour away, etc.

So mostly I walk and if I need to go further, I take a bus/tube/uber. I get out of it and forget about it. No need to find parking, to pay for parking, bother about MOT, pay insurance, for petrol, find a place to live with a parking space, pray that your car won't break down and you have to pay for repairs, if you go to the airport, pay for the long term parking (or what's it called). If you go somewhere and decide to have an impromptu drink, the car is also a problem. Without it, you just think where you need to be, take a tube/uber, go there and forget about the journey. I view owning a car as a millstone around my neck, one more thing that needs to be serviced, a money pit.

I travel a lot. No intention to travel around UK, nothing to see, but I've been all over Europe, parts of Africa, Asia, to Japan, both Americas, Cuba, Canada, Russia (pre war), just not Australia yet. Never thouhgt not driving must stop me somehow.

I think another aspect of the lifestyle thing is how much time you have generally - one poster talked about driving giving them freedom to choose further away schools etc, similarly all these trips to Homebase, the tip etc

To be honest, even if we did have a car, I wouldn't be driving my kids to school every day because I work - my kids need to be able to walk, cycle or use public transport to school either way. Similarly - even if I had a car, I don't have time to do the big shop or be going to the tip, I would always be getting stuff delivery/picked up

I’m amused at the juxtaposition between the idea that almost everyone drives (ie it’s weird not to) and yet all drivers are constantly plagued with lift requests from non drivers. If there were so very few of us you’d hardly ever be asked, especially as most journeys taken by non drivers are by means other than lifts (PT, walking, cycling, taxis).