Page 36 | To be angry with DH for not coming home?

Coffeeoftheworld · 2025-09-14T13:52:29+00:00

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

Francestein · 15/09/2025 16:07

Actually one more thing I think you should do is tell everyone you know about how your DH was far too busy and important to call his own kid when she was sick in hospital. He needs a good talking to. Don’t protect him.

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 16:09

Nestingbirds · 15/09/2025 10:30

And the reason why he can’t pick up a phone for 5 minutes is….?

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He's probably doesn't want to be nagged and to get stressed out. I said it before, it doesn't excuse it but when it comes to men ive noticed that in general if they have a wife that is nagging and being irrational what usually happens is that the men start to either act irrational back or step back from their wives and families.
It doesn't make it right (he should facetime imo) but both men and women need to start understanding eachother more. Women (not all) need to understand to stop being so emotional and resenting and being jealous of their husbands jobs and the fact that unfortunately most of the childcare will fall on women due to nature (thats a whole other debate) and societies gender roles even when both parties work, and men need to know how to communicate and say "wife you are stressing me out right now and i cant take it,I have anxiety and you are making it worse, i love you but you but you are doing my head in etc"

FlyingUnicornWings · 15/09/2025 16:13

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 16:09

He's probably doesn't want to be nagged and to get stressed out. I said it before, it doesn't excuse it but when it comes to men ive noticed that in general if they have a wife that is nagging and being irrational what usually happens is that the men start to either act irrational back or step back from their wives and families.
It doesn't make it right (he should facetime imo) but both men and women need to start understanding eachother more. Women (not all) need to understand to stop being so emotional and resenting and being jealous of their husbands jobs and the fact that unfortunately most of the childcare will fall on women due to nature (thats a whole other debate) and societies gender roles even when both parties work, and men need to know how to communicate and say "wife you are stressing me out right now and i cant take it,I have anxiety and you are making it worse, i love you but you but you are doing my head in etc"

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She’s not nagging and being irrational, her daughter is in hospital and her husband couldn’t give less of a shit if he tried!

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 16:18

Bagsintheboot · 15/09/2025 11:04

I could actually believe it. We only have OPs side of the story.

I can easily see a situation where the daughter isn't really in danger (even though it's always a shitty situation being in hospital), and OP is getting wound up (because she's stressed) messaging / calling H every five minutes, issuing demands for him to call that very moment and getting wound up further because he doesn't see the messages on time (because he's working or asleep), and then sending more messages. H then looks at his phone and sees multiple messages and missed calls, but knows the situation isn't that critical. He then sets expectations / boundaries (I won't be calling for X days), and no doubt then receives multiple messages about not caring.

I don't think it's as elaborate as an affair cover up. Occam's razor would suggest he is too busy and too far away to have the level of input OP wants. And OP is in a rubbish situation, there is no doubt about that.

But instead of reassuring her daughter and trying to make the best of the situation, which is unlucky given the timing, she's focussing all of her stress and frustration on her H and it's not helpful to anyone.

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Ding Ding Ding.
Finally someone has said it.
This is exactly how I picture this whole scenario.

Snowfalling · 15/09/2025 16:19

Coffeeoftheworld · 15/09/2025 10:06

“Oh and I won’t be calling or doing video calls. Way too much going on here for that”

And now he’s just sent me that message as well now too! I really am livid with him!!

I suspect the reason he's refusing to call or text/facetime is because he doesn't want to be pressured or gulited into coming home. He is checking out and pretending his family doesn't exist until his return.

The refusal to at least communicate would end the relationship for me and that's the only update I would be giving him.

atinydropofcherrysherry · 15/09/2025 16:23

He's just sleeping with his boss or a money worshipper. I'm not a fab of Hollywood or many movies for that matter. Anyway , crazy , weird, bizarre

atinydropofcherrysherry · 15/09/2025 16:24

So imagine him filming a drama about hospital and him missing his own child's real admission

atinydropofcherrysherry · 15/09/2025 16:28

Hominim · 15/09/2025 11:12

So what are you doing about the situation? Why are you not addressing what posters have raised i. Potential affair ii. Contacting his boss. We get you’re angry. Also, if he’s the director isn’t he the boss? Is this even true?

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Hrs sleeping with his boss .....(??)

peachgreen · 15/09/2025 16:28

Shr3dding · 15/09/2025 15:23

How so, is a directors salary the most that any person in the world can earn?
Why can't the OP earn more than her husband?

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A big Hollywood director? I mean, it's vanishingly unlikely OP earns more unless she is a big Hollywood actor.

atinydropofcherrysherry · 15/09/2025 16:29

atinydropofcherrysherry · 15/09/2025 16:28

Hrs sleeping with his boss .....(??)

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Is it true ? No. Because if there is Hollywood production in Perth he'll be all over daily faul

Tiswa · 15/09/2025 16:29

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 16:18

Ding Ding Ding.
Finally someone has said it.
This is exactly how I picture this whole scenario.

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He still could find time to FaceTime his daughter.

Because either he is putting his job in front of everything or he is allowing his toxic relationship with the OP to affect his parenting

because no matter what the truth is between the two there is NO excuse for not checking in no matter how ill they are

in fact actually not having anytime to contact your children whilst away on work for 3 weeks is a no from me regardless of whether they are in hospital or not

atinydropofcherrysherry · 15/09/2025 16:30

Are you the elv actress from Lord of the rings ...

Notonthestairs · 15/09/2025 16:31

Good grief, the lengths posters will go to excuse a parent not FaceTiming their children when asked to.

atinydropofcherrysherry · 15/09/2025 16:31

But actually she's much older and her kids are grown

FlyingUnicornWings · 15/09/2025 16:34

peachgreen · 15/09/2025 16:28

A big Hollywood director? I mean, it's vanishingly unlikely OP earns more unless she is a big Hollywood actor.

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Maybe this is the plot twist! Maybe she is.

sittingonabeach · 15/09/2025 16:45

In all the time he has spent sending messages saying he isn’t going to respond to messages he could have spoken briefly to DD

Shr3dding · 15/09/2025 16:52

peachgreen · 15/09/2025 16:28

A big Hollywood director? I mean, it's vanishingly unlikely OP earns more unless she is a big Hollywood actor.

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She hasn't said he's a big director, I assume they come in different sizes and if he has a line manager he can't be at the top of the tree so I don't see why her salary can't be higher

Is a director even a full time employed position?

Outside9 · 15/09/2025 16:54

sittingonabeach · 15/09/2025 15:46

@Hadmysay it's not that she can't cope, but she has had to leave her work (as the higher earner) and give her other child to someone outside the family to look after.

@Outside9 what do you mean it is not life or death. Most hospitals expect parents of young children to stay with their child

I mean what I said, don't think it requires further expansion.

JoshLymanSwagger · 15/09/2025 17:01

OP, I hope your DD is feeling better today.
In your shoes, I'd stop all contact with him.
No more messages or updates.
I'd also try to get an appointment with a shit-hot divorce lawyer ASAP to check out your options.
Make sure you keep all of his messages.
💐

WWomble · 15/09/2025 17:11

A child in hospital is the highest priority. I understand he doesn’t want to interrupt filming HOWEVER not to even FaceTime when his daughter is ill and asking for it is massively unreasonable and would be cited as the single reason for divorce. I’m astounded that he can’t find 5 minutes for his child.

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 17:16

Outside9 · 15/09/2025 12:20

If both parents work then there would / should be childcare arrangements already in place.

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She's got someone her friend. Problem solved no?

SashaGeorgia · 15/09/2025 17:25

I don’t think we are getting the full picture. What if they had a blazing row before he went and he’s just being spiteful by not responding? Or he could have MH issues and at the end of his tether and just needs to get away? I’m not defending him because I think not getting in touch with DC is deplorable but apart from OP being very angry with him on every post (understandably) what do we really know? OP might be a doctor or a nurse or have some medical training and he thinks DC will be ok. I think there is probably a major communication problem which has resulted in this situation. I would sit tight if I was OP, not have a knee jerk reaction ie divorce proceedings and see what he has to say on his return. However in the meantime I would get my affairs in order just in case

MaurineWayBack · 15/09/2025 17:33

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 16:18

Ding Ding Ding.
Finally someone has said it.
This is exactly how I picture this whole scenario.

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Saying you’re not going to answer any messages further 4 days usnt a boundary. It’s the equivalent of stonewalling.
A boundary would be ‘ill answer to you as soon as I can’ and then do so when he has time. Even if it’s when he is on the loo. Who cares!
And refusing to speak to your own child isn’t boundary setting, even if the OP has been shit, hounding him etc… it’s punishing a child that just wants to speak to her dad.
Unless you’re also saying that the OP is manipulating the dd into wanting to FT too??

sittingonabeach · 15/09/2025 17:47

@Hadmysay a friend can only be emergency childcare. What would happen if that friend is not available?

itsobviousright · 15/09/2025 17:55

How exactly are you responding to these messages OP? What is more important than his child???