To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

Please don't. I mean that as kindly as possible x

You’d need donor eggs at that age really. Don’t waste your prescious time and money on your eggs. Miracles can happen, but it’s not realistic.

The UK has a shortage of donor eggs. IVF in the UK is generally expensive, and with donor eggs it will be particularly expensive and a long wait. You therefore need to find the country that has a good supply of donor eggs and treats single ladies beyond the age of 49. I have a feeling it could be Northern Cyprus. You can google the website callex fertilityfriends, they have a forum there and I believe there was a section specifically focusing on ladies over 50s

But should something happen to your husband there is a whole support network there - a mother, half siblings maybe even grandparents?

OP has no one. Of your husband need gallstone surgery when he is in his early sixties your would panic about who would look after your ten year old - because you would?

he is an older dad, and I am sure you and he talked this through before you made your decisions. And I assume you are younger so your child would be orphaned at a young age of something happened to him in the next twenty years? OP doesn’t have that safety net

Sorry absolutely ridiculous at your age and very selfish.

It's 'different for men' in the sense that they are biologically capable of becoming a parent for much longer than women. And because of this, they will likely have partners who are much younger than them. So the child will at least have one parent who is relatively young.

However, I still don't think it's a good idea for men to have children in their 50s.

Your case isn't really relevant to the OP's, however, because she doesn't have a partner or indeed any family.

I can’t imagine any clinic would try with own eggs (as many don’t after 43). So as a single, it would be double donor.

its not just eggs that decline though. Even at 42, my uterus blood flow was worse than at 40.

it’s worth reading up on statistics, but I suspect really poor at that age. It isn’t impossible but IVF is not a kind process at any age, and so you would need to think hard going through it with such poor odds.

It might be worth having some counselling to talk through this but also other options

This isn't about you. This is about your potential child. How will they cope with an older single mum? How will they feel as an energetic child? Or as an older teen thinking about needing to balance university with caring for their elderly mother Or worried they'll be left alone before they're fully independent because of your death.

You'll reach your 70s before they reach adulthood. Who do you have to care for them if you die before they're legally an adult? Do you think it's fair for them to be left alone in the world earlier than their peers?

Have you considered the additional risks of pregnancy and birth to you and the baby when you're classed as geriatric?
How would you cope looking after a disabled baby/child/adult now and as you age? How would you cope looking after a baby on your own with a significant birth injury?

No. I am an "elderly" mother. Had my first at 36 and second at 40. I am 56 now. I say no because 1) Pregnancy is hard on the body - it is not easy and it certainly won't be at 53, no matter how physically fit you are 2) having a child is exhausting & its relentless ..and that's if you have baby that sleeps ! If you don't....it's torture 3) you are single.If you were younger that would still be hard but not such an issue as at 53. Again, do not underestimate how much work a child is. 4) You have no back up. What happens if something happens to you - which it might. What would happen to the child?

You are right in that you probably can give a child a good life, but, at 53, single and with no back up, then no, trying to have a child is not a good idea.

No far too old and not fair on the child. I had both my kids in my late thirties and wish I had them earlier

Aw congrats to you both on the new baby ❤️

Can I ask why you started a thread and yet don't engage with the vast majority of posters who are sceptical about your idea?

For you to even be considering this means to me you're not cut out to be a good mother. Utterly selfish.

Sorry OP, I really think you've left it too late. I'm around your age and my kids are older teens - I can't begin to imagine coping with the relentlessness of the baby years at this age - the lack of sleep alone would floor me, and even more so as a single parent with no back up.

You'd be looking at a much increased risk of disabilities for the baby and complications for yourself.

You say you have no family or "village". Who would look after the baby if you were ill or had to go into hospital? God forbid, what would happen to them if you died? If you have no living family at your age, presumably your genetic heritage isn't to live to a grand old age in good health - would you want your child to potentially have to be a carer in their teens?.

It must be incredibly hard if you've always wanted kids and it hasn't worked out, but I honestly think there are too many potential downsides for you, but especially for the child, to make it a reasonable choice.

Don't do this. I'm 50 amd not yet menopausal but my bits are definitely not as robust as they were as a younger woman. I can't imagine how painful amd damaging giving birth would be.

I might get flak for this but I also think it's selfish at any age to deliberately have a child that will only have one parent. Especially so in your case, what a lonely little thing it will be with one ridiculously old mother and no other family.

No what's ridiculous is your comment!
Do you actually think as an adult you don't need your parents?

You're 20 years late, 13 years late at a push.
It would be extremely unfair for the child.
No 15 year old wants a 70 year old parent.

sorry another no, for this reason; I have a friend who was a nanny, she went to help a mum in ur situation, older and on her own, went for ivf outside uk, had triplets, all 3 of them born severely disabled and understandably finding it really really hard. I have always wondered if her clinic really explained the risks or were happy to take her money.

OP any reason why not to adopt though? My concerns are more about pregnancy risks so if you are in position to love and rates d raise a child

Having a baby is not just about you, you also have to consider the baby and it would not be fair for a child to have an old mother who would most probably need looking after when the child reaches teenage years or becomes a young adult.

I had my child at 40 and was so unwell during pregnancy, with a difficult birth.

Now - I have so little energy for keeping on top of uniform, homework, constant driving to activities etc. The slammed doors, tears, dramas etc of Year 7/8 have been an eye-opener. I should have been at this stage 15-20 years ago.

OP, carrying a baby to term would be gruelling. Think of it as like doing a marathon run tomorrow with no training.

The child will only grow older, and they don't need less love and support once through the first few months. Depending on their health, they could need an awful lot of support, attention and financial resources just when you need to wind down. They need those anyway - but it's not a given that a donor egg baby will be perfectly healthy. Could you cope if they had behavioural issues or a chronic condition?

I am an only child with older parents and as much as I was loved it wasn't easy. Losing my mum in my early 20s. All my cousins are so much older than me. I felt very much alone and in my early teens quite embarrassed when people at school assumed my mum was my grandma. Also you may reach a point where you become more dependent on your child when they should be off to uni or whatever they are planning to do with their lives. Sorry I don't mean to offend but I am seeing it from a childs point of view

This is a pretty privileged comment. I know several people affected (in their 30s) by life limiting illnesses/diseases which had nothing whatsoever to do with lifestyle choices. And one in two of us will get some form of cancer, it’s not exclusive to smokers, the obese, and heavy drinkers.

Yeah, it’s probably harder in many ways, but loads of celebrities have had babies in their 50’s - why not you? Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

one word- insanity

OP you will on engage with people who agree with you so you want an echo chamber not ideas and challenge.

i would suggest some counseling. Explore why you really want this and ask yourself those tough questions. Are you resilient enough to be a single parent with no support at your maternal age? You can
think through various scenarios and explore how you would cope.

do you know any single mothers? It’s very hard, maybe also see if you can find a single grandmother who has custody of her child. Someone raising a young child on her own in her sixties. With no support. You might find some online support networks. You can listen to the challenges and think about how you would cope.

Instead of IVF why not consider Fostering or Adoption