To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

Single, lone mothers absolutely don’t get more sleep than mothers with partners.

I never said it would, I was making two different points - one is about being healthy, relevant for being around for the child and able to keep up with everything they need, the other is about mitigating the child’s embarrassment at having a granny as a mum. A young looking cool mum is very different from someone who already looks old in their 50s. As to the risks neither of those things will mitigate and I mention separately the need to be aware of the risks and plan for them.

Love it how people suggest fostering or even adoption as an option when they have no idea what that entails. Fostering /adoption is not for everybody.
OP I’m sorry you’re in this situation I don’t have any advice but wishing you all the best.

Get a dog or cat.

A good parent puts their child’s needs before their own.
You are not doing this, which tells me you would not be a good parent.

You are lonely and want company until you die and that’s not a good reason to have a child.

You are being selfish.
You will be mid 60s before it even goes to secondary school and 70+ by the time they do their GCSEs.

They will have absolutely no support throughout their life as you will be too old ir dead.
Not fair at all OP.

No. I don't think it would be fair to the child at all.

I have not rtft, but this is a very sad thread, OP. I know I should tell you that you are too old, but I understand that the desire for a child is so strong in some women (it never was in me) that I don't think it is my business to try to crush that desire in you. The desire suggests that your hormones are still strong. What I will say is that many of my friends were really changed by childbirth and motherhood - both physically and mentally. I don't understand why people don't talk about this more, but many women undergo a devastating change in their identity when they become mothers in a way that doesn't happen to men. I don't know if it would be the same in midlife.

Someone suggested fostering or adoption. Would you consider that?

I am also curious about why you are considering IVF now and why you didn't try ten or so years ago. I will now go and catch up with your posts in case you have already explained.

That is a good point. I suggested adoption too, but you have just reminded me that adoption is quite a gruelling process.

That is what I thought but at the time the fact her husband did not have a child meant they qualified. She lives in Essex and had 2 rounds on the NHS. The second one worked. I lived in a London borough and did not qualify on age alone aged 40 despite neither my husband or I having a child. This was a few years ago now so maybe it’s changed now. But like a lot of NHS things it’s definitely a postcode lottery.

I'm working my way through the thread, but just to say there will be some lovely middle-aged guys out there who have raised kids alone - because they were widowed or because their wife found that being a mum wasn't for them for whatever reason - who adore their adult kids and are very family-orientated, who would love to meet a partner/wife.
Becoming part of a warm, nice family like that could be life-changing for someone with no family of any kind of their own, and you could become a very much loved step-mum/grandma over time.

Wow. That’s kind of mind blowing. I don’t feel one way or another but I’m amazed

No guarantees but much less likely!

Maybe think about adoption or fostering ❤️

It depends on how fit and healthy you are. Growing a baby is known to take a significant toll on women's physical and mental health. I think most women never fully recover. If you are not going into this super healthy with a lot of reserve also knowing that you have to continue to prioritise staying healthy and fit, just don't do it.

Plenty of time to sleep? How is the OP meant to manage that as a single parent if she has a baby that's up all night and then doesn't nap during the day with no one to offer any respite? The only way I get plenty of sleep is because I have a husband to share night feeds with and who gives me a lie in!

What a beautiful post.

I assume this is satire.

Just because something can be done doesn’t mean one should do it. I think having a child at this age would only really benefit your desires. You’d be starving the child of time with you, they’d have to face the reality of mortality far sooner than their peers or the role reversal of becoming your carer.

Staying fit and healthy only works so far. As an older parent I’m trying to do this but I had my children in my late 30s. Age brings issues eventually no matter how well you eat and exercise.

Also in an ideal relationship a man should help out. My life raising children would be harder without my husband.

I had twins at just turned 33! Nearly broke me! IVF often results in multiples which is high risk for a young woman & insanity if you’re over 40! And that's just the pregnancy/birth. Never mind the 18 yrs bringing them up.

I think you should go for it.

There seems to be a lot you don’t know so I really hope you are just a bored person on a wind up. And if you are, you should be ashamed of yourself engaging people in bad faith on something as sensitive as this

I’ve attached a screenshot of a document I found online showing that in at least 2023 one half of the couple in this area (part of London) could have a child and still qualify. It really is a postcode lottery. It sucks.

First at 38, second at 41, and whilst I’m so grateful I wish I’d done it much younger and Knowing my experience there’s no way I’d do it any older. I also thought I’m financially secure enough I contemplated doing it alone, thankfully I didn’t have to, and I think I’d have really struggled with the emotional and mental side if I was a single mum. Unless you’re super wealthy you do bear a huge burden. I wouldn’t in your position

I had a husband, he never did any night feeds or offer me a lie in. I’ve obviously now divorced him but I managed fine, if I felt tired I just used to go to bed early with her and I could have slept when she napped during the day, but I didn’t, I worked on my business. The OP can absolutely do it if she’s fit and healthy.

I wouldn’t. I had my children at 42,43 and 45. It has been amazing up until now, my children are currently 10, 8 and 6. My advice to my children would be to have your children in your 30’s. I really do feel 30’s is the ideal decade.