To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

At nearly 40, pretty fit and healthy, i had so many issues with my pregnancy. I cant imagine going through it any older. I could barely walk after the 30 week mark. And I do worry a lot about our age and what if something were to happen to us. Luckily we have family who would take him in and we both have decent life insurance to cover any costs. Without family it would be quite cruel, your child would end up in the care system.

How is it narrow minded thinking of the child? And we're not talking about Grandparents though are we? That situation is completely different, if anything the OP is being selfish for not thinking about her child in later years, what 17 year old wants a 70 year old mother??

I adopted a three year old at 49. However, I do have a husband who is very supportive and a birth child who is 6 years older.

so that's why NHS treats women up to 55.

They do?

I really wouldn't for all the reasons given on this thread. I'm dealing with aging parents in my mind 40s and finding it incredibly hard, I can't imagine having to do that and potentially deal with losses 20 year's earlier.
For what it's worth I understand the urge, I'm also childless and the grief around that is going to be something I have to live with forever, but I think it's better to work on making space for that than pursuing a (very highly unlikely to succeed) ivf child.

There are also several grandparents in this country who have to look after their grandchildren.

Welcome. Admitley i copied from google 😂

but I did ivf - 5 private attempts and 10yrs ttc it took get mini blondes and she’s now 8. I was almost 44 when had her with own eggs from a frozen cycle at 42

I’ve worked for mums in their late 40’s and early 50’s who had ivf tho with donor eggs and which counties they went to so had a vague idea

fwiw this happens in every older baby thread. Those who had kids young say they can’t imagine having a baby at 40+ or to have a teen in 60’s wouid be terrible

that's coz they have done the parenting and want own life back

Upthread someone stated definitively that the NHS offers IVF up to age 55. I didn't verify. But assuming it's true, it's for donor eggs, because I do know that the cut-off for own-egg treatment is 43.

I don't think this is fair on the child, what will happen to your child if you passed away, presumably there are no grandparents left when you are in your 70s?
They will likely grow to resent you, I wouldn't do it sorry.. I think it's very selfish and would be quite lonely for them if they ended up caring for you in their late teens or early 20s.

I hope it's not true. NHS really should not be funding fertility 'treatment' for women in their 50s. Or men for that matter.

No they don't, it's 42 I believe...

Why on earth would you want to? Not a good idea, in my view.

If you decide to do it - you need to decide quickly and move fast. Time is not on your side. And you need not waste time on your own eggs as chances are extremely low - but with younger eggs you'll have much better chances.

Next - I'd not do it in the UK - it's harder here for many reasons:
First - finding a donor is harder here.

Second (also very important) - regulations on IVF here are such that you'll only be implanted 1-2 embryos. But at your age, implantation success is low - and your chances will be higher if they implanted 4-5 - as is done in the US and other places. I may be incorrect on the exact number of embryos - but you get the idea. My friends who did IVF in their 40s - tried it here first, and then had to go to US and/or India. I think it is possible somewhere in Europe as well.

@DrenchSal I have friends who have babies in their late forties - all seems to be going well so far.
However, I also have a friend who was born to a 50 year old mum and 63 year old dad, his early life was fairly miserable. He was embarrassed by his parents' ages and the fact they stood out. He was subject to very strict rules compared to his peers which stunted his independence and ability to fit in. He became a carer in as soon as he left university.
He has (kindly) frequently said the relief when they died was the day he was reborn.

I think it depends on how young looking and feeling you are. If you are very healthy and look young I would say go for it. But do bear in mind your child will hate people referring to you as their grandmother so you will need to talk to them about that and address it, not ignore it. You will also need to make sure you have some back up for childcare if you are still working and also for if you need to go into hospital for any surgeries etc. and you need to be prepared for the child have disabilities, which is next level in terms of commitment, energy, pain and sleeplessness.

Childbirth can be brutal. I was considered a 'geriatric' mother at age 34! In your shoes I'd look at fostering, if you want to give a child a good life.

At aged 14 or 15, your child would have a 70 year old mum. Even if you stay healthy as you get older, realistically your child will be without a mum by the time they reach 25 or 30. There will be no dad and no siblings either. That sounds like an awfully hard life for someone.

You forgot to mention the child

Private ivf may do to 55 tho funding /nhs stop usually 42/44 tops

I'm very sorry that it did not work out for you when you were younger, but I think it's too late now.

I feel too old at 42 to continue with ivf. I started at 37 and had been trying for a baby for 7 years all in when we stopped last year. I experienced a lot of losses and 5 rounds of ivf. We have 3 embryos left but are donating to science.
I absolutely do not want to be an old parent. Im currently caring for my dad who is terminally ill at 73 and in my 40s, its incredibly hard, the likelihood that if I had a child, they'd have to take on caring responsibilities and I wouldn't want that.

Ironically, I'm the fittest and healthiest ive ever been, but a baby in my 40s just doesn't feel like it's for me.

I don't really understand why you'd put yourself through that at your age for a baby that would be highly unlikely to be your own biological child anyway. It would have a biological mother and father out there in the world. Whom it would almost certainly want to get to know, especially as it became aware it was likely to lose you in its teens or 20s. And if you're going to raise a child that isn't 'yours' in that sense, you may as well adopt or foster and save your body from the extreme trauma and damage of IVF, pregnancy and childbirth. Your chance of having a biological child has almost certainly gone and that's really sad but it is what it is.

It’s cruel to the child

It also depends on where you live as to what you will be offered. I was refused NHS IVF at 40. Yet a friend of mine who lives in a different part of the country got approved for 3 rounds aged 40 even though she has a child already. (Her husband does not).

I completely understand why you are considering this, and I can imagine that the issues affecting you negatively might not resonate because you feel it would be worth it to be knackered etc. But do the maths on your child.

They won’t have as many play dates because you’re a different generation to many of the other mums. You can’t predict your health, no matter how fit and healthy you are now. There’s a much higher chance they would be a young carer by the time they’re in secondary school. All things being well, you’ll see them off to uni/ into independence as a young adult but then that’s it. You won’t see them get married, you won’t be able to support them with their own children. They’ll be in their mid twenties advocating for your care at home or in a care home when they could be travelling/ experiencing the world. They will be completely alone when you pass.