To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

If you had other children I’d lean towards leave it however the fact that you don’t I would say go for it.

The IVF may not take but at least you would have tried. If you don’t you’ll always live with the “what if” hanging over your head.

You said you’re financially stable which is great. If it all works out, get yourself a few local Nanny’s/babysitters to rely on and build a solid relationship with so you have some in case of emergency people to fall back on.

Yet the NHS tells us to stay on contraception till 55

Absolutely not.

However, if you want to build relationships with children that would be fantastic - there are so many children out there that could do with a positive relationship with a non-parent.

You could be a fantastic aunt, godparent or volunteer to children who may not have supportive relatives.

This would be such a valuable role to play, and whilst it may be disappointing not to be a parent, you might find joy in it.

If you feel like you're able and it's right for you, go for it. There are also lots of children in foster care needing families, so you might want to think about that too.

I can only speak for myself. I'm currently pushing 66. I couldn't cope with a 13 yr old.

That is a very narrow minded view.
There are plenty of children raised by grandparents and there is never ever a guarantee that a young parent will live into old age to care for their child/children.
Would it be OK and socially acceptable if OP fell pregnant naturally or would you prefer her to have a termination to save embarrassment later on??

That's because you could theoretically become pregnant but the chances of carrying the pregnancy to term are nil. You would have a miscarriage after a few weeks. That is not a medically sensible thing to put your 55 year old body through. That's why they advise contraception.

I think you’ve gotten (understandably) emotional about the child you don’t have and are imagining a Boden catalogue parenthood,splashing in puddles with ruddy faced toddlers and all the nice bits. You’re probably minimising the mental and physical effort, the impact of a child at 54 yo

I wouldn't leave it too long. At 45 my brother and his wife were deemed too old to adopt any child under 2, leave it too long and you may not be eligible at all!

I'm a similar age and peri menopause made me crave having a baby. It was like wanting a drug.

Fair point I wouldnt fancy a painful miscarriage

It's really really rare, 99.9% of women will not conceive after 50 without help/donor eggs

What would put me off this is maternal health and wellbeing. As we get older our bodies change and develop conditions/ diseases. It is part of life. I sometimes wish I had my children a few years younger ( I am same age as you) as I developed a common life altering condition which affected the lives of my children I had to tell my little 11 year old girl and her 13 year old sibling. I was devastated and they were devastated. It has implications on my physical and mental to care for them and do things they love. As a parent you want to give them the best. If I had foresight I would have had them much sooner. In your situation maybe love the children you cannot have, really love them . And yes fostering would be a big undertaking too but you could give your heart and physicality to a child who hasn't been given that.

I just really don't think it's worth introducing heart ache into your life, of being exhausted with no help, and seeing your child have no family about except you. If course some families aren't worthy of some children and you make chosen family too, I certainly have with my only child, but it just seems such a risk at 53 as you're also going to leave them while they're still relatively young.

You are 53 now. Say you get pregnant more or less immediately (unlikely) and have a baby by 54. You will be 72 when that child leaves school. If anything happens to you before then, the child will go into care. Financially secure is not the same as medically secure. Don’t you worry about this?

The child would be rootless.
Completely unanchored to birth family or genetic family when OP died. It would cause immense psychological distress/issues with identity.

I think this must be a troll post as the responses from OP are selective, lacking detail and frankly, I don't think anyone in real life could really be this selfish/lacking in insight!

I know someone who went to Italy for IVF. At 51 she had triplets. She was single, had a high flying career and while there had been a long relationship with a constant man, in the end, he didn't want children.

The boys are now in their late teens.

The boys were definitely well loved and very wanted, but of course she found things very tiring at times. What she did have on her time was money for help. When the boys were babies, she had a night nurse, just so that she could make it through the days.

Should the worst happen and her health deteriorate suddenly, she has the means to pay for care and help. The boys have each other and they're not babies now, although obviously still need their mum.

I'm not close enough to her to know how the boys feel about it all, now that they're old enough to have an opinion though.

My personal opinion would be that it's too old. But I had my babies between the age of 25-31. Only you can know whether you could really do this.

My friend is 50, single and adopted her DD in May

Physiologically and emotionally the demands will be huge. Unfortunately, you’re statistically likely to miscarry, have a stillbirth, preeclampsia or preterm baby. The baby is at risk of Low birthweight, health issues , birth complications

I don't think it would be fair to have a child at this age. You will be mid 60s when they finish primary school, and the age many are thinking of retirement. I would also be concerned over if something happened to you health wise and how the likelihood is your child would experience bereavement of a parent at a younger age.
I do know someone who naturally had a baby in their mid 40s (a bit of a surprise) but they had 3 older children already and a partner so despite being an older parent, the older siblings would always have been around should anything have happened.

My grandmother had a child at 50, naturaly not planned. The child was very happy .However some of the other responses .are worth noting, It's hard enough at 30, exhausting unless you are very fit and the sleepless nights.Before that how your body changes and the strain on your body.
Can't you get a cat seems to be a lot needing a home, or a dog like me?

Holy hell you’d have to be mental. I’m almost 42 and I wouldn’t even consider a baby now. No no no.

Do what is right for you. It's important to think through all the pros and cons etc.

It's not impossible and it's your body your choice.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/i-baby-53-friends-family-35038101 www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/i-baby-53-friends-family-35038101]]]]

Someone upthread said that the UK doesn't do IVF over 43 as the success rates are so low. That's for own-egg treatment. As the OP said, it's up to 55 with donor eggs, which is a whole different thing. I have read many studies that have said healthy women in their fifties can carry babies just fine. They've found it's not the wombs that are the issue, it's the eggs, so that's why NHS treats women up to 55.

So it's definitely physically feasible with donor eggs, but my concern would be leaving the child alone in the world at a young age, maybe while a minor, which would mean they'd go into the care system. "shudder"

Anyway, it's been done before, and a lot older than you, OP. Remember Patricia RashbrooK? She was 62! I can't help but note that she had three adult children who could be there for the child if both his parents died while he was young, though. Who would your baby have, if something happened to you?

A 17-year-old does not want a mother who is at least 70.