To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

I think it’s a terrible idea, especially as you have no partner or family. What kind of life would the child have, with no family expect an older mum? If you became ill or died, where would they go? Having children is wonderful but so hard. I really can’t imagine doing it in my 50s, on my own.

It’s interesting that you left it so late after several decades of fertility. Why now? Maybe you should go to therapy and think about all this.

Hey OP ..
I had my last child at 35 & I really wouldn’t have wanted to have anymore after that ..
She is 15 next month , I am 50 in November & sometimes I wonder am I a little old at 50 with a 15 year old ! ..
All reasons aside why it wouldn’t be personally a good decision for yourself , it really wouldn’t be fair on your child that you are ( by the time it would happen for you , maybe 55 ) 60 when they’re 5 !!
70 when they’re 15 !! ..
If anything were to happen to you, they would be left on their own & distraught …
That’s just not fair …
It is different when older men have children with younger women , we are the primary caregiver really, & if anything were to happen a child’s dad who may be a bit older than their mom ,
Well they still have their mom ..
Your child would have no one ….
And I’m saying that very sympathetically & kindly x

Physically, are you able to- as in spoken to a specialists and done tests? Do you think you'll be fit enough in 10 years to run around with a child?
would you potentially manage a toddler and menopause? Especially on your own
do you have help around?
do you have any wishes for a partner?
mentally do you feel ok for your potential only child to maybe have to care for you and go through your death all alone? (I know every child has to but obviously it's a higher risk at the age you are).
Would you consider adopting a slightly older child?
good luck to you on your quest x

There's a huge risk that you would leave the child alone very early in his or life. It just is not fair to them.

Could you foster instead? Or volunteer at a school, to help with reading etc?

I’m torn on this. On the one hand I agree with people saying you’re too old etc. (I’m 50 and the thought of it exhausts me! 😂)
On the other hand my mum passed away when I was 8 and she was 38, a future with your child is not a given whatever age you are. You could live until they’re in their 40s.

Thanks for your informative response! I had no idea treatment was available at that age, always learning

I wanted to try for a baby with my second husband. I was 38 he was 41. I already had 2 children so I thought it would be fine. It didn't happen. We got a puppy when I was 41 ( a beautiful golden retriever). I'd not grown up with dogs so I had no idea how much work a puppy is. Multiply that by a million and that's how hard a human baby is. He woke up every 15 minutes or so in the night and wanted to go out to pee. After 2 weeks I was absolutely knackered. I was very glad that my body had said no to a pregnancy.

In some areas of the world, women conceive naturally using their own eggs up to 60s and even 70s. It is considered to be linked to their diets.

Adoption is really nothing like having your own, adoption is to do with providing a loving home and parenting for traumatised children who will need relationships with their original family, or at least this is where adoption is headed. it is fantastic and well worth it, if done right, but would likely mean not being able to work or going very part time, and a huge dedication and reeducation needed to make it work. Not the same thing as conceiving your own

Donor eggs without a father will bring their own trauma to some extent - having a child which is genetically yours is different from having a child which is not genetically yours, obviously.

@DrenchSal re the above I think that there are groups of donor adult children who give their views which I think would be necessary reading here, to make this decision.

Other relevant things would be how young you are for your age, physically, how fit and healthy you are, weight, etc

Sorry OP but I believe you've left it too late. For the child, it would be like being brought up by a grandparent. Many women get far more exhausted and also intolerant in their sixties let alone their seventies, and it would be hard for you to find the energy to give your child a good life, especially if there were special needs to work with and especially without a good support system. And you'd be quite likely die or need a high level of care when your son or daughter was still too young to cope well with that.

MIL was 45 when she had DH, now he’s 40 and she is an elderly lady, with mobility issues and very possibly the start of dementia, but up until she was 70 she worked in a very active job and was sharp and fit. Do you really want to be elderly when your child is still young?

In some areas of the world, women conceive naturally using their own eggs up to 60s and even 70s.

No they do not conceive 'naturally' at that age.

Come on.

It's not always that straightforward for some of us. Just saying.

I am so sorry about your mum - what an awful thing to go through at such a such a young age.

But I do pause when people use this argument to say people die unexpectedly all the time and age isn’t a factor.

You mum dies young, it’s shocking and rare.

this lady will be at least 63 when her child is eight. The likelihood of ill health and death is significantly higher for a 63 year old than a 38year old. Yes, either could be hit by a bus, but the 63 year olds chances of developing a serious life limiting illness are significantly higher.

and yes, of course, she could live to be 100. But she will be in her eighties when her child is in their twenties. That’s potentially a long haul of caring for an elderly parent for a young person who should be building their career and personal life.

I am single with no children but I understand your yearning for a child as I have seen family members go through this. However, keep in mind that you may not always have your good health and, with no-one to back you up with child rearing, this could be a serious problem. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year at age 48. Completely out of the blue and with no symptoms. On top of that I was already Stage 4 and Stage 4 breast cancer cannot be cured. If I did have children, even with this awful disease, I have extensive family support that would be able to help me. Best of luck on your journey.

I am firmly of the opinion that past 50 is a no go. The menopause is there to tell us that our reproducing days are over, leaving aside precocious menopause obviously.

That and the fact that you have no back up makes it an even worse idea.

I had 6 children with my last at 38, the physical toll the pregnancies took definitely got worse the older I got and at 52 now I really dont think I would be able to go through it again. Its easy to underestimate what pregnancy does to a body. Yes pregnancy is not an illness blah blah but even for some young fit and healthy women it can be a real ordeal, causing lifelong issues. Why take the risk?

Don’t. It is completely unfair to have a child who has no support and will be 25 when you are 80ish. It happened to a friend of mine who lost their mum while still at school and then spent their 20s and early 30s as a carer for their dad. If you have no support network to support you if you have a child, who will they have to support them?
Edited to add. Their was 49 and dad was 54 when they were born.

A selfish thing to do.

Too old. It's nothing to do with your body being youthful and fit enough to endure pregnancy and childbirth. It's the start of a child's life and it's not about what you feel you want now, it's about parenting a human through babyhood, school, teenage years, young adulthood and helping them become parents themselves. That's only my opinion of course, and I accept that everyone is entitled to an opinion but I don't believe that everyone is entitled to a baby.

This isn’t true. I have attached some rough success rates from a clinic for own eggs vs donor eggs. It does not go as high as 53 but it does go up to 50.

This is brutal, but actually you can’t really give a child a good life.

They would constantly worry about you and your health. They would be 16/17 when you. (As their only parent, only family maybe) turn 70.

I am 53, and fit and healthy - nonetheless I recognise I don’t have the energy that I had when my teenagers were born. I feel relief that my kids are progressing towards independence, and wouldn’t/couldn’t take on a newborn.

That all puts aside the fact that your health might be impacted very badly, either by the treatment or by pregnancy/childbirth.

I think this is baggage you would be best served by putting down and walking away from.

I think you have underestimated how much support you will need. You have no partner, no family and making school gate friends will be harder as you will be considerably older than other parents. This in turn may lead to your child becoming socially isolated due to lack of invitations. Sorry, I think it’s a bad idea.

Yeah sorry that's total bollocks, a womans eggs are totally buggered after 50, completely unusable..

I’m sorry op but I don’t think you should either. I’m all for older mothers and have friends who had dc at 44. Anything older just isn’t wise.
Your body can’t naturally do it and there’s a reason for that.
By the time you give birth, you could be 55. I really don’t thing it’s fair on any teenager to have a 70 yr old mother.

I think with no partner and no living family, it's just too much of a risk if anything happened to you.

I have heard stories of women in their 50s getting pregnant naturally, but that's rare enough to make the newspapers.

But women in their 70s conceiving 'naturally'? Nope. That does not happen. Ever.