To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

Im 38 with an 8 year old. I feel too old to have another although I'm re married. I became a single parent at 33 with a 2 year old and my God I was exhausted. I wouldn't plan to do it at 53. My dc will be 23 by then.

Sorry. But 10yrs too late

JFC that's hideous. Amazes me how it's childfree people who get called selfish when you see posts like this. Fuck how the actual human child will feel, just get knocked up by the next available young bloke in case you die, because all that matters is what you want. Utterly grim.

No. You are only thinking of yourself not any potential child. And I say that as the child of older parents (plural!) but they were both still younger than you…get a pet or a hobby!

Look at adoption or fostering, you would be extremely selfish to have a child. You would be in your 70s when they finish university, come on op you had your chance you had decades to have a child.

Plenty of men do it. Plenty of kids born that aren't wanted or loved or are even abused even if their parents are young and perky. I suppose the older men that do it typically have a younger partner. If it was me, I would need to think through support, finances and who would have the child if the proverbial bus ran me over.

YANBU why not if you have the resources. Only thing Id consider is where does the child go should something happen to you? Good luck with whatever you decide

Oof no way. Am 54 with 2 kids at uni.

looked after my 7 year old nephew for a week over the summer and it was exhausting.

its not just about being able to materially give the baby a good life, its whether you have the energy for the sleepless nights, the school runs, the sports clubs, the homework and then the teenage years.

even if it happened straight away, you’d be just going into teenage hell as your peers retire- think about it.

and the fact you have no family support makes it even crazier. Life with a newborn as a solo parent with no family support is a lot. In your mid fifties it’s just not survivable.

I think that's a bit below the belt with the older mum being an embarrassment.There are a few women who do have children at 49 or 50 are they an embarrasment then?

We were at soft play today & me and my partner (mid 30s) were saying how all the young parents (early 20s) were so energetic in there playing with the kids, whilst we downed our coffee and tried to pin our eye balls open 😂 my parents are a bit older than you and find it really difficult to have the kids for more than a few hours… it’s just a lot. Maybe you’re hyper energetic though?! I think you’ll have more patience and life experience so it works both ways I guess.

Spain Greece Cyprus

Yes, it's possible for women over 55 to receive IVF treatment abroad, particularly in countries like North Cyprus, Greece, and Spain, which have more liberal regulations and allow treatment for older patients, often with donor eggs.

Eligibility will depend on the specific country's laws, a comprehensive health assessment, and a clinic's approval, as age alone isn't the sole factor for treatment eligibility.

Popular Destinations

• North Cyprus:
• Offers some of the most flexible regulations, allowing IVF treatment for women up to age 55 with special approval and additional tests.
• Greece:
• Has a legal age limit of 54 for IVF treatment, though additional health tests and paperwork are required for women aged 50-54.
• Spain:
• Allows IVF with donor eggs and embryo donation. While many clinics treat women over 50, some may treat up to age 55 depending on the patient's health.

Madness for the following reasons

• Your body is too old, not only to conceive, carry and birth a child but to look after one until adulthood or beyond.
• The child, if it happens, will very likely resent you for being considerably older than the parents of their friends.
• You will likely die much sooner than their friends’ parents and leave them alone.
• They may end up being a carer for you in their prime and miss out on their own relationships and family.
• you have no idea how exhausted you will be, you are at 22, let alone 52. The tiredness of having young children is relentless.
• You will be responsible for financially making it happen at a time when you should be bumping up your pension.
• Not only will the child want to know why you had them so late, but also who their genetic mother is and genetic father, how would you handle any possible fallout
• do you have ageing parents yourself, I cannot imagine looking after both at the same time and working too 🤯
• What support network do you have, for many of us life would have been intolerable without it, although I appreciate many (younger) women don’t either
• Have you considered disabilities, if it took you £££ and months/years to get pregnant and the baby didn’t develop as hoped

Im sure I could think of more, but from me it’s a no fucking chance, I am fucked after having my 10month old DGD once a week and I’m in my (admittedly late) 50s. My house is a wreck when she’s gone. In the kindest way, if you wanted this so badly 16 years ago you should have done it then, with or without the partner.

I am sorry, I have not read the whole long thread and don't have time to today, but I wanted to give you my perspective.

I am one of those people who always come onto the threads of women asking "is 44 too old?" etc, and get annoyed with people saying things like "OMG you'll have a teenage when you're in your 60's!" and "you'll be so knackered!". I have one DS, he was born when I was nearly 46. He was planned, as in we wanted to get pregnant, although if my life had worked out differently I would ideally have had a child younger (long first marriage, divorce, then unwise relationship, multiple miscarriages etc).

I am now 62, he is 16 and I am not "knackered". I went back to work when he was three months old and have continued to work full-time ever since. Not got one foot in the grave quite yet!

So, I would be the first to speak against that idea that older women will inevitably be anxious, exhausted, physically deteriorating, snappy, worn out etc etc etc once they get to about 50 (or "peri" as people on here like to call it). Some may and some may not. But even I, and I would like to say this kindly, would say that I think 53 is too old for a baby. After we had lost three babies to miscarriages we decided to give it one more shot, until the end of that year (this was in the August when I turned 45) and then call it a day. Got pregnant again in the October and this time it stayed. (All conceptions were natural and we had already decided some time before that we would not go down the route of IVF).

That's my thoughts. But in the end it's your decision and if after having really thought, researched, and examined your emotions and motives fully, you decide to give it a try, then that is no-one else's business.

Sounds awful. I just found a man willing to help.

My friend did this at 47 and then again at 49. It’s bloody hard work. Her friends are all retiring and her DCs are still at primary school. No help as her parents are elderly. Good luck.

I’m your age, why???? Being in your 50’s is great, freedom, financial security and looking forward to retirement in a fairly short time. I remarried so I do under the pull to have a child together but we love our life and it would be cruel to be a parent knowing that our dc would loose their parents as a young adult

I'm sorry but I don't think it would be fair on the child. Not really because of your age itself but because of your lack of partner, lack of support network, lack of back up plan, lack of realism, and frankly as much as I wish it wasn't the case, it will be much harder for you to find other parents to connect with and build your own village when you'll be 20 years or so older than most of them. Trust me, that sense of family and network is really important when you have children.

Raising children is also HARD. WORK. I wouldn't recommend anyone single do it without a very strong support network around them. I've seen the impact on the mental health of people who've tried this (who were a lot younger too).

Not to mention the huge increase in physical health issues for both mum and baby that come with being an older mother.

Do not underestimate how exhausting it is to be a completely solo parent with every aspect of life depending on you and zero breaks. I'm solo parenting a teenager in my 40s, can't begin to imagine doing the same in my 70s!

I had an older parent and I’m not against older parents on principle by my older (50) dad is in a different league medically and practically to a 53+year old single mum with no family. I had my youngest a month before my 32nd birthday and I knew I couldn’t go through it again. Pregnancy and birth is a very tough, whole body, experience.
I'm the youngest of my dad’s children and the only one still in school when he died but I’ve got a mum and siblings. Sometimes people die at a younger than expected age and unfortunately leave minor children orphaned but to almost plan for it is reckless.
Babyhood is tough for young women with mothers of their own still living and supportive partners. I’m younger than 53 by a little bit and I’m confident I could have sole charge of a baby for a while if I A - knew I could give them back and B - I hadn’t just had to go through pregnancy and birth.

She has a husband. They tried from 43 to 50 to have a baby naturally. It didn't happen. That's why they went down the IVF in Spain route.

I think the risks at your age are incredibly high, and if you decided to risk that, you'd be incredibly irresponsible.

You're heading towards your mid 50s and probably wouldn't give birth until you're 55. You have a high chance of having a child with disabilities or SEN. What happens if you have a heart attack at 65, leaving a 10 year old disabled child?

no. just no.

I will be blunt because it's clear that you're not thinking beyond yourself.

My mum died at 66. 3 weeks of being bedbound before a surprise cancer diagnosis and death within the next week. Previously fairly fit and healthy.

I'm an adult and as shit as it was I've coped, but just imagine putting an 11-13 year old through that and then they get shoved into the care system because there's no one to look after them.

Get a pet.

I hear you, it's hard if really want a child. But in all honestly, time is not on your side. You have to not only think about energy etc, but also your own mortality. For example, my mum got breast cancer at 55, things start to get serious real quick when we get on in life. Without a huge support network, or a partner, I think it would be a very sad ending to a child if anything happened to you, a life in foster homes etc.
But if able, older women can be more settled, more confident imo. If you can help a child doing placements in your care, you may just really make an amazing difference to those lives and that is an incredible thing to do. Anyway, sending hugs, enjoy your life whatever it may bring.

assuming using donor eggs? I read yesterday that there is a far greater risk of complications including losing the baby and maternal death using donor eggs because none of the genetic material is the mother’s. It was in an article about surrogacy. And personally I hate hearing about 50+ new parents of either gender. It’s just too old in my opinion

OP I’m not sure if you are really serious about this.

likely timeline if you are very very lucky you would have the baby at 55 at the earliest.

Those first few years are brutal - very little sleep, up early in the morning, so help or support. Then the primary school years in your sixties. By this stage you will be starting to slow down, your fiends will be retiring and heading off on cruises etc. The mums at the school gate will be 20-40 years younger. It could be very lonely. You might get friendly with some grandparents doing childcare - but your experiences will be very different to theirs.

The secondary school in your seventies. This is the decade when your health can really start to fail. Do you have someone who could care for your child if you had a week in hospital? Do you have a strong support network - extended family? What would Christmas look like for example?

I think it’s too late for anyone to consider parenthood - especially single parenthood. It sounds like an exhausting, lonely path and the risk that your child could become an orphan very young is too high for me.