To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

My friend went to Spain to have egg donation and insemination because clinics here won't do it. She was 50

That's awful and I hope NHS funds aren't being wasted on it.

My mum is currently going through aggressive cancer treatment at 60. She will need a lot of care and support from me in the coming months/years which I am able to give her as an adult in my 30’s. It will be incredibly important to think about what kind of support system your child would have if your health deteriorated while they were still young and what would happen if you passed away. All horrible and morbid thoughts but important considerations if you go down this path. Either way, good luck with whatever decision you make. I personally feel it’s too old but who knows if I’d feel the same at that age if I didn’t have my own child at that point.

I turned 60 last year and have health conditions which leave me feeling very tired, there is a strong possibility that a pregnancy at your age could cause long term health conditions or worsen any existing ones. I worked in Early Years as well as raising three children and I know I would struggle to have sole charge of a child for any significant amount of time.

It is just unfair to any child to deliberately choose to give them an upbringing with an aging parent who could be in poor health and lacking in energy.

It is too late for you, especially as you have no living family to support you or offer a child a home, you could even die in childbirth, who would bring the child up then?

I don’t feel it’s my place to give an opinion as to whether you should or not OP. I went through IVF in my late 30s (and was very lucky it was successful on the first attempt). I hope you find happiness and peace with whatever decision you make.

How about adoption?

This would be private! NHS would only go up to 42 in some trusts

No chance she could legally adopt as a single woman in her 50s.

Aw fab I’m so pleased for your friend 😊❤️💕

You'll need donor eggs if it can be done at all. Odds still won't be great. Personally, at your age, I'd look to foster or adopt. I get it, I'm about to start IVF myself and understand adoption (and definitely fostering) are not the same as having a child of your own. But given your age and lack of partner I just think it's really right to do.

I'm personally not really pro planned single parenthood as I think it's very hard on the child to never know their father at all and personally wouldn't deliberately bring one into the world to that situation. But that's just my personal feeling. I think single planned parenthood for someone who will be in old age when the child is a teen is particularly unfair. You could leave them completely alone in the world as an older teen/young adult.

My cousin had a baby at 52, (naturally). It wasn’t her first though, but a big gap between the baby and her older three.

I am an older mother and I understand your situation, and am sorry for the blunt way some people respond to posts like this. I think despite everything I probably wouldn’t do this at 53, especially with no partner or family support.

That said..

If I understand right you are considering donor eggs/sperm or donor embryo?
I think this is right because at your age the chances of pregnancy using your own eggs are close to zero and possibly in fact zero. You could have some investigations or advice about attempting with your own eggs but I am not aware of anywhere in this country that would offer that option, and I think it would be very time consuming and overwhelmingly likely to fail. You don’t have time, so unless its own eggs or nothing, I would accept the donor route.

I think, and would advise clarifying with a specialist …In the absence of certain medical conditions, if a woman uses donor eggs, then the chance of a successful outcome and carrying to term are based on the age of the egg donor, not the gestational carrier. The same applies to disabilities related to maternal or paternal age. It will be based on the donors, not you. So to clarify, if the donors are both aged 25, your chance of carrying to term, and the chance of the child having a disability, will be the same as for a 25 year old woman. It isn’t quite that simple as age may make you more prone to certain conditions affected pregnancy eg gestational diabetes, but it’s a guide.

If you are serious about having a baby set your alarm for 20 minute intervals throughout the night and do it every night for a week whilst getting up at 7 and attempting to get dressed and function. Every time the alarm goes off stay awake for 15 minutes whist rubbing sandpaper over your nipples. Imagine doing that alone for weeks after major abdominal surgery and without a partner to put food in front of you, deal with domestic trivia and keep everything ticking along. If it seems doable then crack on with your baby plans ....not.

can you adopt as a single parent?

of course your being highly unreasonable but you knew that didnt you?

I do think you have to think of the whole picture. If it’s just you and there’s no one else then it could become precarious if you have health issues or an accident.

Would you like to be born to a much older single mother who used a donor egg so isn’t biologically related to you, with no siblings or immediate family? I think that could be quite lonely.

I’m not against older parents. I’m 39 and trying for a third but 50s is really pushing it.

Every time I’ve seen someone on tv saying there needs to be more information on fertility awareness they always get shot down as if they’re telling women what to do, but I do think there are women who could do with being informed of what the reality is.

I believe you can adopt as a single parent in the uk but I beleive the age limit is 45.

edit! Just googled and there is no upper age limit

I think it’s a terrible idea and unfair on the child (in the unlikely event it works). You might be in good health now, but you don’t know what’s coming down the line. Lots of people develop health issues in their 50s and 60s, and you day you’ve got no partner or wider family to rely on. The child will be embarrassed about you when he’s at school, and mortified as a teenager to have such an old mum. As others have already said, post menopause is not an age to be dealing with babies and toddlers.

She could if it was a child aged 10, for example.

😂😂😂Sorry for laughing but it sounds like a reality check in the form of stand up comedy.

I don’t know

Yes you can.

If you don't know you want it 100% then I would also suggest that having child, by any means, is not for you. At 53 the child will not be your own, as your eggs will not be suitable. You don't have a partner, so the child won't have a biological Dad either. With that in mind, it is no different from adoption, but a lot riskier to your health.

@DrenchSal I am 49, divorced with no children of my own. I started the ivf process a few years ago, had a miscarriage and then divorced. I have siblings and nephews and nieces but at my age I would think it selfish of me to have a child so late in life.
Like it or not age impacts our physical and mental capabilities, the energy to raise a child just isnt comparable.

Have you checked to see whether clinics will treat you? Most have an upper age limit, regardless of whether you are using your own eggs or donor.