To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

Personally I think it’s too old. I’m mid 50’s and no way could I even think about having a baby past even 45.
They are hard work so you need energy and at mid 50’s just don’t have the energy you do in 20/30’s.
Id accept your situation and enjoy your life.

You have missed the bus, and will be wasting your money.

Not that it is right but there is a difference between a dad and a mum who are in their fifties. I am not saying it is right though.

It’s a selfish act in general - people have children because they want them, no one really thinks if it’s in the child’s best interest being born but in your case it’s unbelievably selfish. You’re giving zero thoughts about the potential human life you want to bring into this world. You can afford it and you want one - that’s all you’re thinking.

So you'd bring a child into the world at, what, 54 or 55? You have no other family? It's insanity OP because it's hugely selfish. You're the age of a grandparent - you'd be taking your kid to reception when you've got a bus pass. You're likely to die before it graduates, you won't be able to give it siblings, you don't have any extended family.

You've grasped at the few posts that have said that they had IVF later in life, but there's still a lot of different between having IVF at 47 and having it at 54.

(I had my last child at 41 so am not against older parents but this is just insanity).

Get a dog!

I wouldn't. I had IVF treatment, my daughter is almost 16 and I am 54. It's exhausting being the parent of a teenager as it is, doing it in your 60s would be extremely difficult. Not fair on the child.

UK will treat up to 55

Way too old, and massively selfish.
I am 60, and the thought of having a 7 year old now.... no thanks! And being a 70 year old parent of a 17 year old? No way!
OP, nature gets it right, and doesn't give women babies when they're 53, because it would be very wrong for both mother and child.

It isnt fair on the child.

When they should be off at university / establishing themselves they'll be having to look after you. I know that happens in some families, but you would be choosing to put this obligation on them.

You really need to consider what the future for the child will look like, especially as there is only you.

Massively selfish.

Where would you even get treatment? The age limit in the UK is 46 so you would have to travel.

Brigitte Neilson had a baby at your age but that was after a decade of trying apparently. She was obviously wealthy enough to afford the IVF. I don't know how she coped mentally with 10 years of interventions and heartache.

I’m sorry but I just think it’s incredibly selfish.

My new baby is under 1 and I'm in my 40s. But this is just insanity.

I had a baby at 39. I’m v healthy, he’s 2 now, and I’m exhausted, I cannot imagine doing it after 50. Madness

So selfish.

I think I can understand a real craving for a child. I have children and love them very much and can't imagine being without them. I think there are a number of things to consider though. As lots of people have mentioned you have to have help, support and a back up if something happened to you. You need to be financially secure because you're on your own. And don't underestimate how absolutely knackering having a young child is. There is no tiredness like it. Sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture for a very good reason.

Really???!!!!!

Personally I wouldn't, the chances of complications, disabilities and health conditions goes up with maternal age. Pregnancy is demanding on the body and the sleep deprivation of the early years is brutal. I'm guessing you are paying for IVF privately as most areas have a cut off around 40.

However, there are celebrities/ Uber rich that do. They however are able to buy in lots of help, likely use donor eggs/ surrogates.

Possibly look at fostering/ adoption.

Op you shouldn’t ask opinions about having children here , most of n seems anti child if anyone is above 35 .
One if my best friends was a mum at 50and 54 with IVF , kids are now teens , kept her young and they have no regrets .

These women had partners though and were 6 years younger than you, if you start IVF at 53, it could take a couple of years to get pregnant, you could end up being 55/ 56 when you have the child…..have you really thought this through, you will be in your 70s when your child is finishing secondary school

No. I looked into this myself and had to go rogue to get my donor baby. I was too old and I'm nowhere near 53.

I'm 56 and my health and fitness are excellent so I'd have no worries about the pregnancy or the demands of looking after a child. Today. However, I'm well aware that at my age this can change very quickly, with all sorts of potential issues having a habit of emerging at this time of life, and how I feel today might be very different from 5 years time.
Even with the best of luck and health, at 70, I'd not expect to have the capacity to parent a teen the way they may need. And unfortunately we don't tend to conveniently go from full health to death with nothing in between, so it wouldn't just be losing me early I'd worry about, but burdening them with my decline at an age when they shouldn't have those worries.
Certainly without a strong support network that included younger people, I'd not consider it.
I speak from the privilege of being a mother and grandmother though, so understand its easy for me to say.

I became a grandmother at 53 and let me tell you, looking after them is utterly exhausting. I simply don’t have the energy I did when I brought my own daughter up. DH and I look after them overnight maybe 2-3 times a year, and I genuinely couldn’t manage them my own. Even with DHs help I couldn’t do it for much longer than a weekend. They’re wonderful kids and I absolutely adore them, but my god, the number of ways they find to potentially kill or maim themself, or each other, in an average day is unreal.

Volunteer in a nursery, you'll soon get an idea if you can keep up with the activity of little ones - then add on no sleep and having to do the evening/morning routine on top!

More seriously, I think it is very easy to underestimate how long you care for children. It isn't just babies and todddlers, it's getting them through primary and secondary school, then college and then supporting them as young adults starting to work and drive. I'm still giving support to my 25 and 27yo, not in the way I did when they were children, but they do still need me now. Soon they may decide to have children of their own and I'll need to be able to be there for grandchildren too. Being a single parent means you have all the emotional and financial burden falling to you and it gets draining, especially if you aren't on a high income and able to buy in help.

I'm 50 next year, I still feel capable of looking after little ones, it is my job, but I don't feel capable of having 24/7 sole charge of little ones and looking at raising them alone for the next 20/30 years. I also sympathise with the need to have a child, I was very broody when I was younger and it is hard to resist that need.