To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

To me that's ethically pretty dodgy. But I guess if people want to throw money at it there will always be someone willing to take it.

A definite NO

Please no don’t do this utter madness.

I think that the idea of being pregnant and giving birth in your mid fifties, which is likely where you'll be by the time this idea comes to fruition, if it is to do so, followed by parenting a toddler and preschooler at pushing sixty and a negotiating a teenager at pushing seventy sounds like the most exhausing excercise imaginable.

The time for grasping this opportunity has passed, in my opinion. What is it about fostering that you're not in the headspace for, out of interest?

Don't bother. You are too old to have one at 54 years +

Definitely doable ??

OK, this must be a wind up 😂 fair play !!

This is one of those threads where the OP will only acknowledge the positive stories that reinforce their viewpoint. The ones where the poster says how they managed it but not the ones looking at it from the perspective of the child.

The OP will not acknowledge how detrimental it could be for the child because they can just wave that away with positivity and money 🙄

The child will be brought into a situation with an older mum and no family support network if anything goes wrong. That is very selfish and not in the best interests of the child no matter how financially well off the OP is.

Poor kid, they will have a lot to deal with 😕

I think it would be expensive insanity and not fair on any subsequent child. Embrace the life you have and live it to the full

Have you got lots of money? You'll be a pensioner, not earning, just living off pensions or savings, when they are teens, going to college etc. If you have got pots of money it is doable. As is anything if you've got enough money! Also, do you have younger extended family? It could work in certain circumstances. I suppose. Sometimes though, you just have to think, that ship has sailed. Easy to be philosophical though when you have had your own children, isnt it? Children are born into worse circumstances, like no one really giving a shit about them, which seems to happen all the time, especially when parents are young! And any parent could die, at any time. Good luck whatever you decide.

For all the wrong reasons, to fulfil the needs of the OP.
Being a single, much older parent has consequences for all but predominantly for the child

You would be doing what’s best for you, not a child, whichever way you dress it up. Would you really be comfortable with that decision?

Oh lord no. I’m 38 and couldn’t get pregnant, but even now I’m feel too old to keep trying. I understand the want for your own biological children.

A baby at 53 would be so detrimental to your own health. Please don’t do it.

I think it would be expensive insanity and not fair on any subsequent child. Embrace the life you have and live it to the full

If so then why not try or you’ll never know

It's a child, not a fucking bungee jump. Jesus.

Note that the OP is only responding to the tiny number of posts which support her, and not to the vast vast majority who are saying 'Hell NO!'

So why didn't you do this 25 years ago & raised the child as a single parent? Who will be your child's guardian if you died at 60?

I mean ideally if you’re going to carry a child you will know you want it too…..

I know someone who had a baby naturally at 52, she already had kids and husband. It was all fine except she died when that baby was 20 so pretty young. I would say overall very bad idea to do it single with no family to help. If you die, that baby/child could end up anywhere, with zero connections to his/her biological roots - how sad, and something everyone always tries to avoid.

Agree. Total wind up. Just someone having “fun” on a Sunday afternoon. The wild inappropriateness of the suggestion. The (minimal) additional details. The very selective engagement. The deliberately inflammatory topic. Why not go for a walk, read a book, watch a nice film??

I don’t see how having a teenager in your 60s-70s is any different from having teenage grandchildren that you are hands on with. I know a great great grandmother in her 90s who has better health and mental capacity than others I know in their 50s and 60s. I also know of at least two people who became pregnant naturally at 49. There is no metal door that slams shut.
If you have the means to explore IVF and you are medically accepted with the means to have private maternity care then I would say do it. Just because someone has family to help doesn’t mean that they would so not having any living family should not dissuade you.

My friend had IVF at 50 . It was her second pregnancy. First child conceived naturally at 43. The menopause had to be reversed first.She had to go to Spain for the IVF and used donor eggs. It cost £7,000 9 years ago . She had every pregnancy complication you can have and had to have a cesarean delivery. It took her months and months to get over it. She is the first to admit that her skin never went back to where it was before pregnancy. She has an apron of skin over her pubic region and her breasts are very saggy. They don't have sex anymore because she hates her body. She's 59 now . Her daughter is still at primary school. She's absolutely knackered. Her child was conceived using her husband's sperm. He's very odd and so is the child

I really think people have this romanticised view of babies and children. The reality being you will be 64 and spending your weekends in airhop at yet another birthday party, driving to football, standing in the rain at football, coming home and washing fooftball kit. Personally I love it but think it’s because many of my friends have kids the same age, I have family support, I’m doing this with my partner so that when the exhaustion hits because I’m a slightly older mum we can share the load

My father was 58 when I was born, and he was a wonderful wonderful dad- better for me than for my siblings who were born when he was 10 and 12 years younger. He lived to 104, in great shape till the last 3 years.

I think there are worse potential parents than a stable woman in her 50s who really wants a child and has the time and money to care for one.

Even if you did become pregnant, would your body cope with the pregnancy?

I am an adoptive mum and my DCs were born when I was in my 40s.
So I definitely am not in the "you're too old at 40" or "but think of when you'll go into a care home at 60" brigade.
But I don't think this is a good idea, partly because it's just you.
My DH was about your age when my two were babies BUT THERE ARE TWO OF US.

He's now retired and the younger one has just started secondary school BUT THERE ARE TWO OF US.

We have occasional babysitting from family and we have a regular paid babysitter but again THERE ARE TWO OF US.

Even with just DS who is our first and I was early 40s (just) it was hard work.

I would say if you can't contemplate taking on a 10 year old, now, don't do it. Because your lovely baby will grow up to be a 10 year old and then a teenager and you have NO guarantee they won't have SEN (which my two do, to differing degrees). But a 10 year old can also be hard work even just on their own.

Don't do it for the lovely cute baby. Do it because you want an older primary school child and a teenager. If you don't want those now, don't do it.

Not everyone wants to adopt.