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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be saddened that anyone would want to take away a woman’s right to safe abortion?

1000 replies

Balayagequeen · 13/09/2025 14:48

It makes me sad and angry that there are so many people who believe that a woman’s right to a termination is up for debate/political football.

It’s always privileged men too.

No woman should be forced to continue with a pregnancy that she doesn’t want.

An abortion is a very safe, simple procedure, it’s a personal and private choice, it’s discreet, no one is ramming it down anyone else’s throat or trying to persuade others to do it. The vast majority of the time is done very early on in the pregnancy. Evidence shows that there are no long term negative physical or mental effects on the woman.

As someone who works for children’s services, there are already far too many children in the care system and they can end up deeply traumatised, and having poor outcomes in life, adoptions often don’t work out and even when they do can be extremely traumatic for both the mother and child. That is not to take away from all of the wonderful adoptive parents and foster carers, but please let’s not romanticise it.

Most adoptions are because the birth parents are unable to care for the child, not because the mother willingly gave the baby up. Therefore to force a woman to give birth would potentially be the worse option for the woman, the child and any existing siblings. It isn’t a fairytale ending where a woman willingly gives up her baby to a loving couple to live happily ever after.

There are babies conceived in poverty, domestic abuse, rape, teenage pregnancies, older age pregnancies. These women should not be forced to give birth, it is not the better option for anyone.

If abortion was ever restricted in the western world then I have no doubt that it would result in unsafe illegal abortions, risking the woman’s life.

Women take all the risk with pregnancy and childbirth. They take an enormous toll on a woman body, her mental health, her life outcomes. We are not living in the dark ages, women deserve the choice.

What right does any privileged male who has probably never experienced any of these things and has probably done very little child rearing, who can never conceive or give birth, have to try to restrict a women’s access to abortion?

Are they themselves going to care for the babies born? Or will they expect that someone else will do it?

OP posts:
Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 18:59

There's plenty of women who don't agree with abortion either. I'm sure some of them will be along soon.

SweetPenelope · 13/09/2025 19:01

I think sending abortion pills in the post is not safe abortion. It should be medically supervised.

Digdongdoo · 13/09/2025 19:01

Of course yanbu. If you don't like abortions, don't have one. Should be that simple.

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 19:04

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 18:59

There's plenty of women who don't agree with abortion either. I'm sure some of them will be along soon.

But no one is asking them to have one if they don’t want to.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 19:04

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 19:04

But no one is asking them to have one if they don’t want to.

Okay?

ThejoyofNC · 13/09/2025 19:06

I'm anti abortion and I'm not a man.

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 19:07

There's a depressing amount of women don't believe in their own right to choose either, usually because they made the choice and regret it, or have never had to face that decision and can't comprehend being in that position so want to restrict other women as well.

luckylavender · 13/09/2025 19:09

Digdongdoo · 13/09/2025 19:01

Of course yanbu. If you don't like abortions, don't have one. Should be that simple.

It isn’t simple though is it? Because men in power have the power to ban legal abortion. It is more often though not exclusively men. So it’s not a level playing field.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 19:09

Generally, I am not anti-abortion but I did see a thread a couple of weeks ago where a woman had an abortion at almost 5 months pregnant because she wasn't getting on with her partner and then was confused as to why he was angry and resentful.

That did make me a little sad. The man thought he was having a baby in a few months. It seemed to be an unpopular opinion on that thread, that he had a right to be upset.

BIWI · 13/09/2025 19:11

ThejoyofNC · 13/09/2025 19:06

I'm anti abortion and I'm not a man.

That’s OK. You just don’t have to have one then, do you? But you have no right to take that choice away from other women.

BIWI · 13/09/2025 19:12

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 19:09

Generally, I am not anti-abortion but I did see a thread a couple of weeks ago where a woman had an abortion at almost 5 months pregnant because she wasn't getting on with her partner and then was confused as to why he was angry and resentful.

That did make me a little sad. The man thought he was having a baby in a few months. It seemed to be an unpopular opinion on that thread, that he had a right to be upset.

He obviously does have a right to be upset. But she has the right to make a choice about her body.

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:12

I totally agree with you OP.

I suppose it’s being talked about because of the death of Charlie Kirk. his stance on abortion was very controversial.

His stance seemed to be life begins at conception”

I, as a pro choice woman, don’t deny that.
Call it life, embryo zygote, fetus, baby - it’s the same thing no matter the semantics.

Call it abortion, killing, murder - it’s just semantics.

I can believe life begins at conception and still be pro-abortion because it’s quite simple: the rights of the woman’s life, her right to live a child free life, trumps that of the life inside her/embryo/zygote/fetus/baby.

Nothing more nothing less.

its very odd actually because it’s SUCH a divisive topic but it literally doesn’t affect anyone else - least of all men - if a woman has an abortion. My neighbour, friend, colleague could have an abortion and I wouldn’t be affected. I wouldn’t know.kt wouldn’t matter. Yet people want a say on it. So weird

Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:13

It’s very difficult and although everything you say is true, if you believe it’s a baby then surely killing a baby is the worst thing you can ever do? Worse than anything you can ever put the girl/woman through? (Especially considering she’s already gone through getting pregnant anyway). I think it’s very difficult to go from sympathising with miscarriages and grieving over a 9 week old
fetus but then saying other ones dont matter.

You’re basically saying those children you work with would be better off not being alive. And many would say surely everyone deserves a chance of life?

Just being devil’s advocate here!!!

PinkyFlamingo · 13/09/2025 19:13

ThejoyofNC · 13/09/2025 19:06

I'm anti abortion and I'm not a man.

Well don't have one then not rocket science

unsync · 13/09/2025 19:14

If abortion was ever restricted in the western world then I have no doubt that it would result in unsafe illegal abortions, risking the woman’s life.

I think you'll find that the USA is considered part of the western world.

Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:14

Digdongdoo · 13/09/2025 19:01

Of course yanbu. If you don't like abortions, don't have one. Should be that simple.

Yeah but if you oppose abortion then in your eyes, by ignoring other abortions, youre letting those other babies suffer.So I can massively empathise with that view.

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:15

ThejoyofNC · 13/09/2025 19:06

I'm anti abortion and I'm not a man.

Can I ask why?

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 19:15

BIWI · 13/09/2025 19:12

He obviously does have a right to be upset. But she has the right to make a choice about her body.

Edited

A healthy baby at that gestation? No, I don't think it was right.

People always say that women never have abortions that late, unless there is a medical issue. Apparently not true though. Obviously a very small number of cases and I don't want to restrict abortions, but that did make me sad.

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:16

Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:14

Yeah but if you oppose abortion then in your eyes, by ignoring other abortions, youre letting those other babies suffer.So I can massively empathise with that view.

Babies/fetuses don’t suffer in abortions. Pills are taken to stop their hearts. Don’t fall for pro life fluff about them being in pain.

Babies DO suffer in the adoption and foster care system though, if you’re looking to place your empathy

BIWI · 13/09/2025 19:16

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 19:15

A healthy baby at that gestation? No, I don't think it was right.

People always say that women never have abortions that late, unless there is a medical issue. Apparently not true though. Obviously a very small number of cases and I don't want to restrict abortions, but that did make me sad.

Edited

… and you have the right to feel sad about it. But you have no idea what was actually going on. Still her right to choose.

CaroleLandis · 13/09/2025 19:17

I’m vehemently against abortion and I am
female. 🌹

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 19:17

I think it’s very difficult to go from sympathising with miscarriages and grieving over a 9 week old
fetus but then saying other ones dont matter.

I don't think it's difficult. I take my cues from the women experiencing the pregnancy. If she is sad about the life she envisaged not happening, then I have total sympathy, if she has an abortion so she can have the life she wants, I'm supportive.

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:17

SweetPenelope · 13/09/2025 19:01

I think sending abortion pills in the post is not safe abortion. It should be medically supervised.

Whilst I agree, I think this route means more women seek an abortion at an earlier stage rather than a late stage, a safer option all round. But. Haven’t there been cases of medical emergency emergencies because of this pill in the post?

IndigoBluey · 13/09/2025 19:18

@ThejoyofNCi am genuinely curious as to what your stance on women who are pregnant due to forced incest and rape?

Balayagequeen · 13/09/2025 19:18

ThejoyofNC · 13/09/2025 19:06

I'm anti abortion and I'm not a man.

That’s absolutely fine and no one is going to force you to have an abortion.

Do you want to stop other women having the choice though and force them to give birth?

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