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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be saddened that anyone would want to take away a woman’s right to safe abortion?

1000 replies

Balayagequeen · 13/09/2025 14:48

It makes me sad and angry that there are so many people who believe that a woman’s right to a termination is up for debate/political football.

It’s always privileged men too.

No woman should be forced to continue with a pregnancy that she doesn’t want.

An abortion is a very safe, simple procedure, it’s a personal and private choice, it’s discreet, no one is ramming it down anyone else’s throat or trying to persuade others to do it. The vast majority of the time is done very early on in the pregnancy. Evidence shows that there are no long term negative physical or mental effects on the woman.

As someone who works for children’s services, there are already far too many children in the care system and they can end up deeply traumatised, and having poor outcomes in life, adoptions often don’t work out and even when they do can be extremely traumatic for both the mother and child. That is not to take away from all of the wonderful adoptive parents and foster carers, but please let’s not romanticise it.

Most adoptions are because the birth parents are unable to care for the child, not because the mother willingly gave the baby up. Therefore to force a woman to give birth would potentially be the worse option for the woman, the child and any existing siblings. It isn’t a fairytale ending where a woman willingly gives up her baby to a loving couple to live happily ever after.

There are babies conceived in poverty, domestic abuse, rape, teenage pregnancies, older age pregnancies. These women should not be forced to give birth, it is not the better option for anyone.

If abortion was ever restricted in the western world then I have no doubt that it would result in unsafe illegal abortions, risking the woman’s life.

Women take all the risk with pregnancy and childbirth. They take an enormous toll on a woman body, her mental health, her life outcomes. We are not living in the dark ages, women deserve the choice.

What right does any privileged male who has probably never experienced any of these things and has probably done very little child rearing, who can never conceive or give birth, have to try to restrict a women’s access to abortion?

Are they themselves going to care for the babies born? Or will they expect that someone else will do it?

OP posts:
Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:18

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:12

I totally agree with you OP.

I suppose it’s being talked about because of the death of Charlie Kirk. his stance on abortion was very controversial.

His stance seemed to be life begins at conception”

I, as a pro choice woman, don’t deny that.
Call it life, embryo zygote, fetus, baby - it’s the same thing no matter the semantics.

Call it abortion, killing, murder - it’s just semantics.

I can believe life begins at conception and still be pro-abortion because it’s quite simple: the rights of the woman’s life, her right to live a child free life, trumps that of the life inside her/embryo/zygote/fetus/baby.

Nothing more nothing less.

its very odd actually because it’s SUCH a divisive topic but it literally doesn’t affect anyone else - least of all men - if a woman has an abortion. My neighbour, friend, colleague could have an abortion and I wouldn’t be affected. I wouldn’t know.kt wouldn’t matter. Yet people want a say on it. So weird

Except you know theyve taken a ‘life’. And if you belive the woman’s choice is more important than the baby’s, when does the baby become more important and why?

Balayagequeen · 13/09/2025 19:20

CaroleLandis · 13/09/2025 19:17

I’m vehemently against abortion and I am
female. 🌹

That’s fine and it will always be your choice.

Do you want to take away the choice from other women?

OP posts:
LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:20

I think people who say they’re anti abortion need to separate their philosophical/moral beliefs to what they believe should be policy and law.

You can absolutely be anti abortion on a moral level and then recognise that, if abortion is illegal, we end up with cases like Savita Halappanavar

Is that what anti-abortion people want?? Are you happy for women to die in the pursuit of saving unwanted babies? Genuine question. If quite like an adult conversation about this

Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:22

IndigoBluey · 13/09/2025 19:18

@ThejoyofNCi am genuinely curious as to what your stance on women who are pregnant due to forced incest and rape?

Charlie kirk said if his daughter was raped aged 10 he’d get her to deliver the baby 😳 I guess he’d do everything he could to get the baby out as soon as possible and by c section under GA. But in his eyes, the
trauma of rape isnt going to be made better by killing another baby. It was shocking to watch him say it though.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 19:22

BIWI · 13/09/2025 19:16

… and you have the right to feel sad about it. But you have no idea what was actually going on. Still her right to choose.

Yes, Obviously. I literally said I'm pro-choice. I'm not sure why you're giving me the spiel.

Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:22

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:20

I think people who say they’re anti abortion need to separate their philosophical/moral beliefs to what they believe should be policy and law.

You can absolutely be anti abortion on a moral level and then recognise that, if abortion is illegal, we end up with cases like Savita Halappanavar

Is that what anti-abortion people want?? Are you happy for women to die in the pursuit of saving unwanted babies? Genuine question. If quite like an adult conversation about this

I agree with you.

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:22

Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:13

It’s very difficult and although everything you say is true, if you believe it’s a baby then surely killing a baby is the worst thing you can ever do? Worse than anything you can ever put the girl/woman through? (Especially considering she’s already gone through getting pregnant anyway). I think it’s very difficult to go from sympathising with miscarriages and grieving over a 9 week old
fetus but then saying other ones dont matter.

You’re basically saying those children you work with would be better off not being alive. And many would say surely everyone deserves a chance of life?

Just being devil’s advocate here!!!

Killing a baby/having an abortion is not the same as killing a live baby because a live baby is independent of a host. It’s thriving on its own without the need of a woman. It’s really not the same, and I’ll continue to feel embarrassed for people making those comparisons

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 19:23

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 19:17

I think it’s very difficult to go from sympathising with miscarriages and grieving over a 9 week old
fetus but then saying other ones dont matter.

I don't think it's difficult. I take my cues from the women experiencing the pregnancy. If she is sad about the life she envisaged not happening, then I have total sympathy, if she has an abortion so she can have the life she wants, I'm supportive.

Absolutely. Just as I am capable to grasping that, for some women, a miscarriage is a minor medical inconvenience which they experience primarily as to do with their body, and for others it’s a particularly intimate and traumatic bereavement, and adjusting how I relate to them accordingly.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 13/09/2025 19:23

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 19:09

Generally, I am not anti-abortion but I did see a thread a couple of weeks ago where a woman had an abortion at almost 5 months pregnant because she wasn't getting on with her partner and then was confused as to why he was angry and resentful.

That did make me a little sad. The man thought he was having a baby in a few months. It seemed to be an unpopular opinion on that thread, that he had a right to be upset.

I didn't know you could terminate that late 😱.
I am not comfortable with that I'm afraid

BIWI · 13/09/2025 19:23

I’m not ‘giving you the spiel’! I don’t even know what you mean by that tbh. I’m just engaging with you and the posts you have made. Which is kind of what we usually do on a discussion board ...

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:24

BIWI · 13/09/2025 19:16

… and you have the right to feel sad about it. But you have no idea what was actually going on. Still her right to choose.

Was this thread by the woman who had an abortion??

Upstartled · 13/09/2025 19:24

Plenty of women don't agree with abortion. I don't think it is helpful to diminish their voices so that you can cast pro-lifers as men with nothing to lose.

I'm pro-choice but I understand that pro-lifers can arrive at that opinion outside of a misogynistic standpoint.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 19:24

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:22

Killing a baby/having an abortion is not the same as killing a live baby because a live baby is independent of a host. It’s thriving on its own without the need of a woman. It’s really not the same, and I’ll continue to feel embarrassed for people making those comparisons

What do you think should happen as the survival rate of increasingly premature babies goes up?

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:25

CaroleLandis · 13/09/2025 19:17

I’m vehemently against abortion and I am
female. 🌹

is that just as a human in a moral sense, or do you think they should be outlawed?

GladioliGreen · 13/09/2025 19:25

I always say it on these threads but I would be dead without abortion. I had a septic miscarriage, there was still a heartbeat but I had a severe uterine infection. I live in Ireland where abortion was illegal until recently. Before abortion was legal a woman, Savita Halappanavar, died in the same circumstances. Because there was a heartbeat they couldn't perform a surgical removal of the infected tissue so she died. This is what banning abortion does. It creates circumstances where Drs can't save lives, where women suffer and in some case die unnecessarily.

Thankfully abortion was legal when this happened to me. I had a d&c or an abortion which ever way you want to phrase it and am still here for my children. Abortion is healthcare.

Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:25

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:22

Killing a baby/having an abortion is not the same as killing a live baby because a live baby is independent of a host. It’s thriving on its own without the need of a woman. It’s really not the same, and I’ll continue to feel embarrassed for people making those comparisons

But a newborn baby also needs the woman to survive still? I still don’t understand why being inside versus outside the woman means it’s worthy of life.

WhatAboutThisUser · 13/09/2025 19:25

Being anti-abortion is about thinking the foetus has a right to life.

The pro-choice arguments you outline are mostly valid but they are like drops in the ocean compared with killing a baby.

Digdongdoo · 13/09/2025 19:25

Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:14

Yeah but if you oppose abortion then in your eyes, by ignoring other abortions, youre letting those other babies suffer.So I can massively empathise with that view.

I can't empathise. Personal feelings, however strong, should never spill over into exerting control over persons body. Forced birth is abhorrent.

Lelophants · 13/09/2025 19:26

GladioliGreen · 13/09/2025 19:25

I always say it on these threads but I would be dead without abortion. I had a septic miscarriage, there was still a heartbeat but I had a severe uterine infection. I live in Ireland where abortion was illegal until recently. Before abortion was legal a woman, Savita Halappanavar, died in the same circumstances. Because there was a heartbeat they couldn't perform a surgical removal of the infected tissue so she died. This is what banning abortion does. It creates circumstances where Drs can't save lives, where women suffer and in some case die unnecessarily.

Thankfully abortion was legal when this happened to me. I had a d&c or an abortion which ever way you want to phrase it and am still here for my children. Abortion is healthcare.

This is so sad. Im glad youre ok.

LayerCakeOfStrangers · 13/09/2025 19:26

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 19:17

I think it’s very difficult to go from sympathising with miscarriages and grieving over a 9 week old
fetus but then saying other ones dont matter.

I don't think it's difficult. I take my cues from the women experiencing the pregnancy. If she is sad about the life she envisaged not happening, then I have total sympathy, if she has an abortion so she can have the life she wants, I'm supportive.

My heart goes out to any woman who’s taken the decision to have an abortion. It’s always unpleasant physically and mentally and it’s not a decision I can imagine any woman takes lightly.

Im not sad for the fetus/baby. No child deserves to be born unwanted

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 19:26

BIWI · 13/09/2025 19:23

I’m not ‘giving you the spiel’! I don’t even know what you mean by that tbh. I’m just engaging with you and the posts you have made. Which is kind of what we usually do on a discussion board ...

You're telling me things I clearly already know as I've stated that I'm not anti-abortion in my posts. Your "it's her right to choose" are redundant.

MintTwirl · 13/09/2025 19:27

I think it just shows how many people(men and women) want to control women. It’s fine to not like abortion and to choose not to have one yourself but your moral stance shouldn’t impact what others can choose to do.

Meadowfinch · 13/09/2025 19:27

unsync · 13/09/2025 19:14

If abortion was ever restricted in the western world then I have no doubt that it would result in unsafe illegal abortions, risking the woman’s life.

I think you'll find that the USA is considered part of the western world.

But less so by the day....

thepariscrimefiles · 13/09/2025 19:27

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 18:59

There's plenty of women who don't agree with abortion either. I'm sure some of them will be along soon.

If women don't agree with abortion, they don't have to have one. Just leave other women alone to make their own choices.

TeaAndMuffins · 13/09/2025 19:28

"An abortion is a very safe, simple procedure"

Not for the baby it isn't

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