My son has gone on the march

[funkadelic]

Hi, have been on here years but only lurk, don’t post. But today is the day.
I am in bits. My 22yr old DS is in London on this march. I am shaking and utterly appalled. We differ on politics massively and have done for some time. I work in education, have travelled and am bit of a lefty hippy but to be honest it’s becoming more about values and morals. He is fully immersed in the manosphere algorithm and I’ve always thought he is exploring himself and things and have chats about why he has the opinions he does and try and understand his point of view. I try not to belittle him but try and get him to critically think about things.
But this I can’t deal with. I am so upset that my son has gone to this, and that it is something that is so far away from me and my values, something that I thought I had instilled in him as well.
I am totally aware that it’s triggered embarrassment but that is my issue and I’m not putting that on him. He is still my son and I love him and his passion and interest in the world, just in something I believe is so wrong and makes me sad.
Please talk some sense into me.

You sound so balanced and sensible. It's so sad that young people can get dragged into this hate. Some do come out the other side, so just keep being calm and loving and be ready for him.

marching for what cause?

👆

Would you have this (over) reaction if he had been going on the pro-Pal marches?
If not, why not?

There's a far right march in London today

Thank you. I really try to be. He’s not completely lost, he thinks the whole Andre Tate thing is crap, and has seen the light about Trump thankfully 😅 but he’s totally caught up with this with some mates. He’s got some fab traits, loyal hardworking and sensible at times! He wants a family and is kind and really sensitive, he’s just so muddled about this whole thing. His best mate growing up was a Muslim boy who’s Dad was an immigrant! I just can’t get him to see it. He’s totally on the ‘protecting women and girls’ crap and I’ve tried, showed him actual statistics etc of violence against girls but he’s just not seeing it, or maybe it’s because it’s me. He will be super upset deep down that I am so upset but I think it will come out as anger towards me.
I can blame so much on the pre frontal cortex rewiring but I just can’t with this!!

Because that aligns with my views!

Don’t fall out with him over it. Not worth ruining your relationship over.

I’d actually express interest in it when he gets back. Find out what he saw and heard, and what he thought of it.

Part of growing up is exploring new ideas, and yes still testing the boundaries within which you grew up - even at 22.

He’s on the march against immigration

@MidnightPatrol THANK YOU. I think that’s what I needed to hear.

He's been groomed by corrupt America fascist grifters. He's in a cult. I wish you luck.

He’s off to listen to some Far-Right speakers… at best he’ll see through thier lies, at worst he starts to become radicalised.

The match will be attracting thugs from all over … it’s National Front 2.0.

Is he able to clearly communicate what his opinions are or is it just "they are taking over"?

I would really struggle with this OP, you’re doing a really good job of remaining balanced. I think that’s all you can do, if you try and talk him round I think it would just push him more into it. Agree with pp that you should ask him about it when he’s home, might be insightful for you too and could open up discussion.

As you seem balanced and sensible, you can’t make your adult son have the same values etc.

One of my DDs is the complete opposite to me in terms of politics. I’m disappointed but it’s her choice.

Maybe he feels you trying to make him think like you has turned him against what you think? Rightly or wrongly

It doesn’t sound like he’s engaged with the worst aspects of those marching. What is he marching for? Talk to him about it.

Is it not obvious why a person may be appalled that their son would march in favour of a cause they found abhorrent but not if the cause was one they did not? This isn't about being appalled a person is involved in political protest, its realising that your sons has beliefs that you may believe to be morally or ethically wrong. Which goes way beyond 'a difference of opinion' and indicates aspects of character and values that you may struggle to get past.

There is

”I worry about immigration, and the effect on services in this country”

then there is

“I worry about immigration because all immigrants are criminals and sex offenders, who want to harm women and girls, as well as imposing a religious mono-culture on us all.. and to be clear I’m talking about Black & Brown people only”

The question is, which version of this is he agreeing with?

You have your political opinions and he has his. I hope sincerely the march today is peaceful.

There are reports estimating that a million people could turn up today (no idea if this will be the case) in London. If this is somewhat true I cannot believe they are all Far Right nazis.

We must stop labelling all people who have concerns about immigration as Far Right - particularly after events in the USA this week.

You say you aim to be open minded and provide a balanced view to your DS but then have an issue if he doesn’t agree with you.

The fact that you think your views are right and his are wrong shows you are incredibly blinkered.

You are not acting in the way you claim you are. You are trying to indoctrinate him.

Closed minds such as yours are unhealthy. I’m afraid you are a poor role model for your DS.

This is what the media coverage of Trump and Farage has achieved in such a short time
”My son is going on a racist march”
”Part of growing up is exploring different ideas…”
I really don’t think the responses would have been the same a year ago.
I despair of this country.
I’m going on the counter demonstration

This is complete rubbish.

Today's march is for freedom of speech. Good on him 👏🏻

To be honest I bet he will grow out of this .. my son is 25 and has changed a lot since he was 22. I woukd feel like you do .. but don’t let it alienate you