DD cruelly dumped by BF

[OutbackQueen]

My 25 year old DD has recently been dumped in a very cruel way by her boyfriend. He did it once, said he’d made a terrible mistake, reeled her back in and then did it again.
She’s moved back in with me and is planning to go and live with a friend in London. I’m hurting for her and wrote this and want to send it to him. The only thing that’s stopping me is worrying that she might find out (although she’s blocked him on everything.)
It would make me feel better but is that just wanting revenge? Should I send it?

“She never knew him
The man who said he loved her
The man she thought would never hurt her
He knocked her down
Helped her up
And then did it again
He blamed her for it all
When she had done nothing
But give him her constant heart
She will never understand why
But one day, before too long
She will cease to care”

Thank God you changed your mind Op!!

A friend of mine sent a poem that she'd sprayed with her perfume to her recent ex once she heard he was seeing someone new. She got upset when he sent it back in the post but when I asked couldn't explain what she expected him to do with it and how she thought he might feel about it.

I don't think expressing yourself via poetry to uninterested recipients is ever a good idea but particularly not when you're inserting yourself into someone else's breakup and that's only increased by you being the mum of one of the adults involved.

As a side note, I know she's decided not to do it. And that's great.

One of my friends well, acquaintances really came to me a while ago and said that her mother had been writing her ex husband and all his family letters and emails during the divorce. These things never have the impact they think you will.

If I received a letter from any of my ex's mothers, I just be really bemused, it wouldn't impact my feelings at all. It wouldn't make me think I Don somebody a great disservice. I just think there was something wrong with them for doing it in the first place and not just letting go.

Anyway, the consequences were during the divorce with these letters, and there were only 2 or 3, they were handed to the judge during crucial hearings about the children and contact. Because that's when the letters were sent. They were always sent around times of crucial hearings. And they were stapled to the court order, and there was talk of banning the grandparents contact with their children, because they're clearly hostile towards one set of the parents.

There was an actual talk of making an application to the court, to bar the grandparents to see their grandchildren because of these abusive letters and also bringing harassment charges.

I know what was proposed here was in no way as extreme, but just be aware, any unwanted contact can be considered harassment.

It's not nice you feel that way, but I do think you could do some work on your emotional resilience. Who cares what a bunch of strangers on the internet think of you? Byt anyway, surely embarrassing yourself on MN is worth it if it stops you embarrassing yourself in real life? Spend time with your daughter and help her feel better, rather than 'crawling into a hole'.

Go for it.

Please don’t send this.

Good God what is wrong with people! You were going to send him a poem?! I’m glad you’ve been persuaded not to! As hard as it is, this is not your life, not your fight!
Just wow! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Please don’t make yourself feel like that mate.
I haven’t read the whole thread but I am sure a lot of people have made you feel terrible, but I bet a lot of other people have made you think about your feelings, have given good advice and actually do give a shit.
Please take away the caring stuff, not the shitty stuff.
And by the way, I am sure you want the prat dead. But you cannot protect her forever. She, like you is, woman, hear me roar, She will get hurt, unfortunately, that’s life x

What a kind comment. I agree

Don’t get involved and delete that op. Yes she’s hurrying but she’s an adult and needs to get through this. Leave her to it

You did the right thing by not sending that cheesy diatribe. It would've made your daughter a laughing stock.

Sorry things aren’t good OP. Glad you’re not sending it. It’s for the best. If the comments are upsetting you I’d just walk away from the thread.

Absolutely do not send it. It can be a nice therapy writing it but do not send.

Why would you send a poem to him? If you want to say something, say it clearly in a paragraph. Don't understand the point of this reading between the lines stuff, as if it is going to make a difference. In any case, don't contact him.

He's dodged a bullet with you as a potential mother in law 😆 and seriously, you're asking a forum who's main motto is 'dump him' and 'leave the bastard' when I guy so much as farts or leaves a toilet seat up 😆

I misunderstood there because I thought you were going to say

‘what’s wrong with people….still slamming a woman who posted in the middle of the night and who now has had a complete change of heart. Why aren’t people reading the posts after the very first one’

but you didn’t.

Okaaaay 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

You are using your DD’s breakup for your hobby poetry?

Therapy for op when dd is the one dumped?

I think you have got yourself too involved. Break ups happen and your daughter needs to deal with it. You are there to support her not make it about you.

I just googled K J Furnival and your post came up

Why are you telling her not to send it hours after she’s already said she isn’t????? 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 She can’t not send it twice.

Hi @OutbackQueen
I havent RTFT so I no doubt echo others when I say do not send it.

Decision based on:

1. It is not your battle (you adult daughter has blocked him. No comms).
2. You would look like a crank and potentially be classed as harassing HIM. Dont give him that.
3. Crappiest experience and painful for you both but just be there for her. Long term this a "lucky escape". This is who he is.

Most of us experience heartbreak. We go on to love again eventually. Your daughter will, too x

What a drama (coming from you).

There once was a Mum with a DD
Who's BF was twattish and seedy!
Mum penned a bad ode,
Then to us it was showed...
And we told her it made her look weedy.