DD cruelly dumped by BF

[OutbackQueen]

My 25 year old DD has recently been dumped in a very cruel way by her boyfriend. He did it once, said he’d made a terrible mistake, reeled her back in and then did it again.
She’s moved back in with me and is planning to go and live with a friend in London. I’m hurting for her and wrote this and want to send it to him. The only thing that’s stopping me is worrying that she might find out (although she’s blocked him on everything.)
It would make me feel better but is that just wanting revenge? Should I send it?

“She never knew him
The man who said he loved her
The man she thought would never hurt her
He knocked her down
Helped her up
And then did it again
He blamed her for it all
When she had done nothing
But give him her constant heart
She will never understand why
But one day, before too long
She will cease to care”

Exactly.
And tbh I think the kindest thing was to give op a robust head wobble. The idea of sending that poem was unhinged and would have harmed not helped her DD.

That's nuts. You dont send poems to DDs ex.

He wont agree with your view point. Won't understand the poem. Won't care about your perspective.

He doesnt owe your DD a relationship, hes allowed to leave her. Its ok it hurts and she needs you. Your job is to support her not reprimand him.

Keep your poetry fot people worth it

OP, focus on encouraging your daughter to read

Women who love too much by Robin Norwood
Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft

And the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

These will help her see clearly that he was a prick.

She should NEVER have taken him back after the first time he did it.

Education is power.
Help her feel empowered.

Or just teach her daughter that break ups don't make someone evil and that it's a kindness to end a relationship if it's not working.

All this man did is go through a wobbly patch at the end of a relationship and then finally end it. That doesn't make him nasty or awful or abusive.

Don't give him the satisfaction. It's embarrassing and only lets him know he hurt her lots, which he might like. It's also corny.

Sweet Jesus

I must have a very different DD to everyone else.

If I gave her a book on love and said “Do you feel empowered, darling?” She’d probably piss her herself laughing and make it into a running joke for the next 4 years

Same. And I like to think I have raised a daughter who won't believe it is abusive or wrong to end a relationship.

Well clearly not “everyone else” hence my response!

Agreed!

It won’t serve them well to think it’s an inherently evil thing, especially when their time comes to leave a partner.

I really can’t understand the evil comments. Do people think the ex should be in a relationship he doesn’t wanna be in?!

I know, my post was in agreement to you!

Omg no do not send that to him!

He will defos assume it's from your dd. How mortifying.

As mum, it's up to you to teach her that getting over heartbreak is awful but in the long term makes you stronger, and understand what you want in a more suitable partner. Don't teach her to go ott with feeling like a victim / grieving the relationship.

I know. I've never understood the obsession with that stupid Bastard Bancroft. I've only ever heard him mentioned on here.

He has never been published by anything other than a vanity press. He admits he has no qualifications in what he was trying to do and readers of this book.He said he doesn't actually explain why men do what they do.

Add to the fact that he's a conspiracy theorist, anti vaxxer, and ran retreats for abused women and started up inappropriate relationships with them.

Honestly, she's a young woman who had a boyfriend dump her.She doesn't need a course for abused women.

This needs to end up in Mumsnet classics. That poem is giving me Sistine Chapel vibes.

Hard no.

Don’t send to him, but I liked reading it for myself and my own comfort

The poem is terrible and of course op shouldn’t have sent it but she’s hurting and some of you have been real arseholes to her. Hope it makes you feel proud to be that cruel and spiteful.

Just manifest something horrible to happen to him.

Why though? What did he actually do wrong?

Of course ending a relationship isn’t abusive but how you go about it might be. There isn’t actually enough information in the OP to clearly tell if the man was having a bit of a wobble or was actually callous or dishonest. Posters are probably projecting their own experiences and behaviour onto it. The OP was treated shamefully by some on this thread however.

The OP was treated shamefully by some on this thread however.

We can all expect poems in our inboxes from the OP’s mother then.

😂That would teach you yes

Of course you can’t!!!!!

Your daughter is 25. I'm sure she can handle her own love life by now. Most teenagers manage. Put your energy into teaching your daughter to be resilient and independent.