DD cruelly dumped by BF

[OutbackQueen]

My 25 year old DD has recently been dumped in a very cruel way by her boyfriend. He did it once, said he’d made a terrible mistake, reeled her back in and then did it again.
She’s moved back in with me and is planning to go and live with a friend in London. I’m hurting for her and wrote this and want to send it to him. The only thing that’s stopping me is worrying that she might find out (although she’s blocked him on everything.)
It would make me feel better but is that just wanting revenge? Should I send it?

“She never knew him
The man who said he loved her
The man she thought would never hurt her
He knocked her down
Helped her up
And then did it again
He blamed her for it all
When she had done nothing
But give him her constant heart
She will never understand why
But one day, before too long
She will cease to care”

I think it would be better to send it to your daughter!

Better to have nearly done something daft and been talked out of it by strangers on the internet, than to be someone making cruel comments to strangers on the internet.

Definitely a bad idea to send it. The writing things down and burning it could be cathartic so maybe do that.

You sound like a lovely mum who wants to help your daughter. How about planning a nice outing for the two of you? Maybe a show? I think Six might be touring, and I saw Hamilton back in March, if it’s still on and anywhere near you it’s well worth going. Or if that’s not your things, plan a different day out. Stop giving the horrible ex your attention and focus on cheering your daughter up.

No need for folk to start piling on with cruel comments.

The Op was clearly feeling emotional during the night. She's taken advice on the questionable poem, and decided against it.

No need for all the mocking.

I’d laugh if my ex’s Mum sent me that 🤣 pull yourself together OP and just focus on your own relationships instead of your DD’s

RTFT and get over yourselves some of you.

OP has said (a while ago) that she won’t send and feels humiliated and sad.

Some of you are being utter arseholes. Even for AIBU.

Well done OP for realising this would be insanity. My MIL did similar when my SIL’s DH went off with another woman. Except she went one stage further and gave the hate poem she wrote to one of her teenage GCs to give to their dad! To this day she cannot grasp why this was off the scale inappropriate. The fallout was/is spectacular.

I remember when I was 15 I got a note in the post from my then boyfriend of about 3 weeks dumping me. It was quite a cruel letter making personal attacks on me. My mum "accidentally" opened it and read it. In the time between her and me reading it, she'd written a reply. It was brilliant. Can't remember much about it now but she picked apart his spelling & grammar and suggested he might like to go back to school but the best line was "you're about as interesting as a 2 week old fart in a jar!!" I definitely borrowed a few lines from her letter in my reply to him....!

Totally agree

We are so protective of our children and hate to see them hurt and it was a knee jerk reaction that the OP realized she shouldn't do

No need to keep on and on at her

No no no!! Just focus on your daughter. Before an action think what am I seeking to gain.. he won’t give a shit he might even laugh. Why give him the opportunity. Focus on your child.

3 years ago our DD was in the same situation. Everyone told her she'd bounce back, that's hard to believe when your heart is broken.
However she learned from the abuse in her past relationship and she really has bounced back. She has a lovely, kind and respectful fiance now and seems to have truly found her soulmate.
Have faith in your DD, she's got this.

I received a WhatsApp from the mother of DD's ex boyfriend blaming her for the break up, as she hadn't been supportive enough to her apparently perfect son. Never told DD.

The saga continued as they got back together, and then he dumped her again, so that was nice 😡

Please do not give this young man and his friends something to laugh about. Your DD will be highly likely to find out and will be a laughing stock by proxy. There's difficult feelings when our children are hurt, and its great you can get them out in writing, but these things are best kept private as this man will sneer and belittle you for your feelings and actions if you send it to him.

Where is there any evidence of abuse??!

OP did you and your daughter feature in a recent Netflix documentary?

Even his poem in the anonymous Valentine’s Day card he sent was better than the one in the OP.

Pandora
I adore ya
I implore ye
Don’t ignore me

Its horrible when your kids have been dumped.
I remember ds being dumped when he was d1. He lost so much weight and was absolutely distraught.
You want to do something but there's nothing you can do except be there and listen while he gradually goes through different emotions before emerging back to his old self.

I agree there's no need to keep on at her but I must admit I do wonder why the knee jerk reaction was to write bad poetry to send to the ex.

I mean, if the OP had said she wanted to call him up and shout at him I think we'd all understand that. But poetry isn't a normal go to reaction for a situation like this.

I mean what else is acceptable, an angry performance using the medium of dance in front of his house, a robust puppet show with sharp rhetoric or perhaps a forthright collage depicting the intense layers of emotional reactions?

Her daughter can do all these things, it's her emotion and her pain, the OPs job is to support her through it and help her see there's light at the end of the tunnel not ramp up the drama.

Bless you…Absolutely not for reasons given above. Sounds like your daughter had a lucky escape from this worm of a man. Focus on building up her confidence, focus on other areas of her life. he’s done her a favour and shown her how she wants to be treated in future by someone who deserves her.

All you will tell him is that your daughter isn't over him and that she needs her mum to fight her battles.

The best thing to do in a breakup is to go completely silent.

There is a dignity in silence that no amount of words can convey.

You realise it will probably boost his ego if he is that sort of person anyway? He will most likely be splitting his face laughing as she screws it up and hurls it in the bin, congratulating himself on how's he's managed to destroy someone. It's massively overstepping and not your place to send it. If my mum had done that I would have been livid. and embarrassed.

Please do not send it.

Your focus needs to be 100% on her. John who? He is a nobody now, just some bloke she’s better off without. He’s show. Her who he is and that is a gift because she won’t end up married or with children with him 25 is a perfect perfect age to be single for a few years, travel, have fun and then still meet someone at 27/28 possibly to not feel rushed into the marriage and kids thing.

I was a little bit older, 29, when my shitty long term boyfriend cheated and dumped me. I was a mess. Telling people we’d get back together one day and it was temporary etc. I couldn’t imagine life without him.

Thank god! I’d easily have stayed with him and got married and it was less than I am worth. I travelled and connected with friends, then met an amazing man (more quickly than I expected!).

also I’m certain my parents would have loved to have given him what-for and a slap round the face. But they didn’t.

Oh my giddy aunt. DO NOT send him a poem you’ve written.

I’m not sure, if I received bad poetry from an ex’s parent, my toes would curl in embarrassment, for them for writing it, and even worse sending it, the ex for being so devastated a parent got involved, and me that I was ever involved with a family like that where they thought that was ok, so I’d be embarassed for all of us, but yes I’d assume that the ex was utterly devastated snd the parent was overly involved and had signficant issues. Either way I’d find it really really disturbing.

For the love of God, no no no! You will be the subject of his ridicule for years to come, the mother of his ex who wrote him a poem! Please do not do this!