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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD cruelly dumped by BF

283 replies

OutbackQueen · 13/09/2025 03:46

My 25 year old DD has recently been dumped in a very cruel way by her boyfriend. He did it once, said he’d made a terrible mistake, reeled her back in and then did it again.
She’s moved back in with me and is planning to go and live with a friend in London. I’m hurting for her and wrote this and want to send it to him. The only thing that’s stopping me is worrying that she might find out (although she’s blocked him on everything.)
It would make me feel better but is that just wanting revenge? Should I send it?

“She never knew him
The man who said he loved her
The man she thought would never hurt her
He knocked her down
Helped her up
And then did it again
He blamed her for it all
When she had done nothing
But give him her constant heart
She will never understand why
But one day, before too long
She will cease to care”

OP posts:
Overthewaytwice · 13/09/2025 08:06

That would be mortifying for your daughter and he would probably use it as a funny story for his friends in the pub.

Please don't do it.

PersephonePomegranate · 13/09/2025 08:07

He would haved pissed himself laughing and given him a story to brag about to his friends - glad you thought better.

Epidote · 13/09/2025 08:08

Big no in capital letters. Don't send anything. It is not about you. Let her heal and support her.

Muffinmam · 13/09/2025 08:08

You wrote a poem??

Wtf?!

This isn’t about you!!

Billybagpuss · 13/09/2025 08:08

Hi @OutbackQueen you are going to get a few more ‘are you nuts?’ Comments before this dies down that’s the nature of mn where people read the first post and not the subsequent updates.

but actually in all seriousness you do need to spend time with your dd and make sure that in her head she’s already done and finished with him. He’s come crawling back once already and then crushed her again, this can be the way coercive abusive relationships start. If he does try coming back she needs to be strong enough to tell him where to go.

Thingyfanding · 13/09/2025 08:09

It must be incredibly painful to see your daughter hurting like this, but as much as it will make you feel better to send it, it will make your daughter feel worse - if she ever found out.

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 13/09/2025 08:10

slashlover · 13/09/2025 07:27

He's allowed to leave a relationship, it doesn't make him a bad person.

This.

Sell the helicopter.

Allthefruit · 13/09/2025 08:10

Maray1967 · 13/09/2025 07:39

I entirely understand the desire to get your disgust at his behaviour across to him. Personally I’d want to punish him in some unpleasant ways, but the best way forward is to support her to move on with her life.

Why?

From nothing op has said has he actually done anything wrong, other than not wanting to be with her daughter.

He's done the right thing splitting rather than the people who stay with someone and cheat or similar

I remember I split with an ex and his whole family hated me. It made no sense. It's not evil to not want to be in a relationship with someone. The next woman he met became his wife so i clearly did the right thing ending it

whitewineandsun · 13/09/2025 08:10

It's OK to be sad for your daughter, but she's 25. Perhaps reflect on whether there are boundaries to work on. This just seems so out of pocket.

Allthefruit · 13/09/2025 08:11

Billybagpuss · 13/09/2025 08:08

Hi @OutbackQueen you are going to get a few more ‘are you nuts?’ Comments before this dies down that’s the nature of mn where people read the first post and not the subsequent updates.

but actually in all seriousness you do need to spend time with your dd and make sure that in her head she’s already done and finished with him. He’s come crawling back once already and then crushed her again, this can be the way coercive abusive relationships start. If he does try coming back she needs to be strong enough to tell him where to go.

Fucking hell. Being a bit wobbly about whether you really want a relationship to be over does not make you abusive it makes you human.

Op hasn't given a single example of actual bad behaviour by him. His only "sin" is not wanting to be with her daughter

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/09/2025 08:12

Definitely not. Support your DD, forget about him.

Allthefruit · 13/09/2025 08:13

Shutupkeith · 13/09/2025 07:40

My lovely Son had a long scathing text message from his EXGF Mother when they split. It was mainly because he started dating one of her friends. Problem was she had no idea her DD had cheated on DS and she ended up looking like a total dick. DS sent back a wonderful reply informing her of this and that he wished her DD well for the future. Not saying your DD has done anything wrong but getting involved in their relationships is just a massive no no. Stand back and support her, she will be fine soon enough and realise he was a massive dick.

Show quote history

Yeah exactly this. My ex 's family all hated me for ending the relationship but he was the one who cheated several times and was toxic and controlling towards me (presumably because he judged me by his own cheaty standards).

Daisymail · 13/09/2025 08:13

zaazaazoom · 13/09/2025 03:50

Oh Jesus's absolutely dont send him anything. I cant imagine anything more embarrassing.
Its not your job.
Your job is to comfort DD and tell her there are much better men out there and to move forward.

This!

Fedupwithnamechanging · 13/09/2025 08:16

Absolutely not. Your job is to support your DD, not to insert yourself into their relationship. I know it hurts seeing your DC hurting even when they're adults. But just no.

Chilliprawnpls · 13/09/2025 08:17

I suspect that he would post this on SM, and it would go viral

ConnieHeart · 13/09/2025 08:18

OutbackQueen · 13/09/2025 03:46

My 25 year old DD has recently been dumped in a very cruel way by her boyfriend. He did it once, said he’d made a terrible mistake, reeled her back in and then did it again.
She’s moved back in with me and is planning to go and live with a friend in London. I’m hurting for her and wrote this and want to send it to him. The only thing that’s stopping me is worrying that she might find out (although she’s blocked him on everything.)
It would make me feel better but is that just wanting revenge? Should I send it?

“She never knew him
The man who said he loved her
The man she thought would never hurt her
He knocked her down
Helped her up
And then did it again
He blamed her for it all
When she had done nothing
But give him her constant heart
She will never understand why
But one day, before too long
She will cease to care”

Sorry posted in error

CaroleLandis · 13/09/2025 08:19

He was t cruel, he gave the relationship another try and it didn’t work out.

That poem apart from being dreadful is not something you should ever send and makes you look unhinged which in turn will reflect very badly on your daughter.

ConnieHeart · 13/09/2025 08:19

Gently, also you don't know exactly what happened in the relationship. You only have her side of the story so it's unfair to put the blame solely at his door

Chilliprawnpls · 13/09/2025 08:20

OutbackQueen · 13/09/2025 07:31

Actually I’m almost in tears and feel like crawling into a hole and not coming out. Some of you will think I deserve to feel that way but I’m glad I posted because it’s stopped me from sending it and made me appreciate something about myself which I was only obliquely aware of.
I’m leaving the thread now but have learned a lesson.

Good grief

stop being such a hyperbolic drama llama 🙄

mtaylorfan · 13/09/2025 08:25

I think OP has left the thread, but just noticed her question: 'is that just wanting revenge?'

How is it revenge even?

My fear is that she was hoping to shock him into seeing the error of his ways, realising he'd been a Bad Boy - so he would run back to them both with roses and eternal devotion.

Barnbrack · 13/09/2025 08:26

OutbackQueen · 13/09/2025 03:46

My 25 year old DD has recently been dumped in a very cruel way by her boyfriend. He did it once, said he’d made a terrible mistake, reeled her back in and then did it again.
She’s moved back in with me and is planning to go and live with a friend in London. I’m hurting for her and wrote this and want to send it to him. The only thing that’s stopping me is worrying that she might find out (although she’s blocked him on everything.)
It would make me feel better but is that just wanting revenge? Should I send it?

“She never knew him
The man who said he loved her
The man she thought would never hurt her
He knocked her down
Helped her up
And then did it again
He blamed her for it all
When she had done nothing
But give him her constant heart
She will never understand why
But one day, before too long
She will cease to care”

Oh my God what is wrong with you?

ChatOff · 13/09/2025 08:28

I've ALWAYS wanted to ask someone if they're on glue! Yay.

ConnieHeart · 13/09/2025 08:28

LlynTegid · 13/09/2025 07:51

Sadly there is not an unsuitable for relationships register. Hope the said man is single for ever, sadly unlikely.

Just continue to support your DD as you are doing.

Why? What's he done apart from finish the relationship? People are allowed to do that if they're not happy

Wafflesandcrepes · 13/09/2025 08:29

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you and your DD are hurting so much. As others have said, spend time with your DD and make sure she’s okay. Do not send that note. Not under any circumstances.

Pomegranatecarnage · 13/09/2025 08:30

Please don’t send that.

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