To dislike most people nowadays ?

[thvfemot]

Is this an age thing? I’m nearly 40 and I just don’t like many people. I like my own space and I think most people are dickheads. I would rather be alone than with people.

It's funny, when I run, 99% of the men get out of the way, and step out of the path for me. It's women who are downright rude! (SOME women, there are lovely smiley ladies too)

Totally agree. Very happy with my dog and to shut the door when I come home from work.

Pensioner here (81) and had 3 different careers all of which were public facing or involved a client group. In roles like that you often have to keep your mouth shut and suck it up. I still sell online and am always professional to my customers. However email is not the same (as face to face) as you can use a lot of template messages..

When you have spent a lifetime having to be "nice" to people (some of whom were dickheads) then you come to the point where youve had enough of them. I dont interact with neighbours, hold keys or take in parcels. Ive put my share into the community and now I enjoy my own space with a clear conscience. And yes - I am one of those weird Mumsnetters who does not open the door unless its a postie or a courier with a package for me.

👍👍

No it’s not an age thing. I’m 68 and whilst I naturally dislike some people I also like a lot of others. I also love being alone as well as enjoying the company of others. Frankly you sound misanthropic.

Since 2021 when people showed their true colours to me, yes I'm the same.

I like my own space, but I meet lovely, lovely every day….but I do try to be lovely back.

Yes, the OP will find this to be an echochamber of like minded people.

SIL is like this. She is so full of negativity and is such a joy sponge. She is rude to people, then says that most people are horrible. She doesn't have the social awareness to realise that she is the common denominator.

Then she complains that she is lonely!

No, I find I like most people I come across in real life. Enough to get on with them, I'm not saying I'd make them bosom buddies.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to just spend time on your own! It’s very normal to need that.

Agreed. I am so bored of people saying that they HaTe OtHeR PeOpLe. They clearly lack the intelligence to know that they too are other people and yet think they are somehow a bit different. If you hate all people, perhaps take a look in the mirror and it might be you.

I am pretty friendly and welcoming IRL and find that I get out what I put into interactions with others. Whether that’s the local dry cleaner or a good friend. I tend to expect the best from others (though am assertive and no doormat when needed).

The pandemic has normalised this antisocial behaviour and it’s not good.

It’s easy to feel this way, but you have to remember that is often only the dickheads that you notice because of their dickish behaviour. I find myself falling down the “people are awful” rabbit hole a lot. I try to remind myself that actually most people are decent and I shouldn’t let the dickheads distract me from that. It’s bloody hard some days though! Also the only person really suffering from my irritability is me. The dickheads neither know nor care what I think of them. So I try and take a deep breath and let it go for my own mental health.

I think it's easier to be this way at 40 than it is at 80 (although it does seem more common in 80 year olds). When you are relatively young and fit and able it is much easier to go off and do stuff by yourself, and have pets. As you get older and less able, long walks and going to gigs and things alone can be less fun. You start to feel a bit more vulnerable and it can be nice to have one or two people in your social circle that you can rely on.

My parents are in their 80s. When I look at them and their friends, the ones that seem to have the best quality of life, interestingly are not the ones with the most devoted children and grandchildren. They are actually the ones who have friends and a social life.

The kids and grandkids will have their own lives. But friends with shared experiences are the ones that have the time and availability to relate to issues and understand the aches and pains and trials (and positives) of getting older, from what I see.

It has definitely made me invest even more in my friendship in my 50s, however irritable and perimenopausal I may be feeling!

I voted YABU. People are not mainly 'dickheads'. They are just getting on with their own lives. It's absolutely fine for you to enjoy being alone and not want to spend time with others, but it's not good for you or anyone else to have this negative attitude.

Other people are annoying when they don't give you what you want. Why expect otherwise? But they aren't doing it to be annoying. I have quite a few long term friends and I'd never want to lose any of them. They all have qualities I appreciate, but sometimes when I'm with one or more of them, I feel disappointed that I'm not having a great time. At others (more often) we have a lovely time and I feel close to them and supported. I accept that is how life is.

I feel like this but I hate it. It only seems to have been the past 5 or so years but the past year has been worse than ever for awful people.

Well I am with you. I try my best as I have always being less tolerant of people. I just find it very hard now I am older. Recently saw some old friends who are having many problems with daily existence like toilet breaks, food diets and allergies. One seems to have health anxiety. Honestly, they really did not add much to me in our time together. I am the same age and feel much younger. I am not pushing for the next reunion. Totally conscious that I will be myself but feel better this way I suppose. Do not want company at all costs.

On the idea about the elderly having comfort in friends etc, that can go the other way as well.

I see it with my elderly MIL, it might just be her but the people she knows all have various problems associated with ageing, illness and family problems and it just seems to drag her down to be honest.

I think maybe interacting with more of a range of people not just other elderly people who are isolated and with problems might help.

She seems to spend her time in a spiral of anxiety about them all, sometimes not wanting not to pick up the phone but feeling she 'has to'

One in particular is alone and drinks, and will call MIL late in the evening ranting about immigrants and past things done to her by men, for example. Another has a problem with animal hoarding. Another refuses to use any technology not even a TV then complains about being lonely.

None of them want to take medicines including for things like high blood pressure then have this oddly competitive thing where they go on about whose is the highest which is a bit odd. It's not helpful either as they encourage each other not to engage with doctors and could result in a stroke..

Oh I doubt it, I have lots of absolutely lovely friends who I know for sure don't think I am a dickhead. I also don't engage in what I would consider "dickhead behaviour".

But unfortunately, my lovely friends don't cancel out the existence of absolute general crapness of lots of other people I have to come across in public.

There can be both??

@JNicholson

You’re saying it’s circular, but you’re choosing to place the origin of the circle with the person who doesn’t automatically find people likeable (they’re the ones who are generating the negative response from others). That’s not self-evident. I’m pointing out that another way of looking at it is to place the origins of the circle with the people who behaved in such a way as to give that person the impression that a lot of people are not likeable.

But this perspective makes a lot of assumptions about the behaviour of the person who supposedly triggered this negative impression.

In my experience a lot of people struggle to interpret the behaviour of others and “over-read” behaviour as hostile or aggressive because they don’t understand it.

You see this sort of thing on the “bitchy, cliquey school mums” threads: someone has convinced themself that other school mums are out to get them on very thin evidence. It’s always something which actually has a set of other very plausible reasons: someone failed to smile at school pickup = ergo they are a “bitch”. When in fact they could have poor eyesight/be ill/depressed/hungover. Human interaction and responses are far more complex than this.

If you see every interaction in such polarised terms: (“she is hostile, he is a friend”) most people, with their complex personalities, are going to fall short at some point.

If you choose to acknowledge the ambiguity and remain pleasant and open, you have a far greater chance of turning an ambiguous situation positive rather than assuming that someone having a bad day is automatically a “bitch”.

People are rarely that black and white but if you default to the positive you’re not limiting your choices.

DH is older than me and has had some very serious health issues. One of the many reasons I cultivate friendships is because there is a very good chance that I will outlive him. I also happen to like people unless I have good reason not to. Lastly, I live nowhere near any family, so friends become more important (because I can chose them).

I have supported friends through serious illness and bereavement, not because I want payback but because they are my friends.

DH has been in hospital for several weeks and the support and kindness I have had from everyone I know has been phenomenal.

It it fine to want to spend time on your own. I like people, but I also like alone me time, but to be so negative about every single person you come across in life is unhealthy. You reap what you sow (as illustrated in SIL's case that I posted earlier).

@GladTheyHaveGone

Agreed. I am so bored of people saying that they HaTe OtHeR PeOpLe. They clearly lack the intelligence to know that they too are other people and yet think they are somehow a bit different. If you hate all people, perhaps take a look in the mirror and it might be you

Completely agree. This attitude is so childish and petulant.

The people who “hate people” are invariably people who actually want to be loved, fear they never will be and put up a protective carapace of “hate”.

I agree. I heard a programme the other day about the rise in abuse towards shop assistants and public health staff. Several people commented on the change since the pandemic /lockdown, that people seem to have become selfish and concerned only with themselves and what they can get away with.
It's a weird change, inexplicable to me, but I feel it is what's happened.

This is very interesting and genuinely thank you for sharing
I have a very elderly neighbour who is lonely but she’s scared most people off with her attitude ( we keep an eye in her with strong boundaries)
Your poor mil.
Her friends sound dreadful… I think I’d be telling her to leave the phone to ring, or at least cut the calls short…has she got any decent friends
My lovely Dad had one friend who used ti visit him in the care home regularly - lets call him Jack.
He was also full of jokes ’hi tammys dad - you’re not dead yet then?’
He was always upbeat and happy….including the last visit ti my dad - Jack died a week later.

I am very wary of other people as I tend to attract verbal abusers and narcs . I was also compared to my cousin a lot growing up and was told I was miserable looking and quiet and not bubbly and outgoing like she was . As I’ve aged I’ve realised quietness is not a weakness, it’s ok to be an introvert and a loner and I have no desire to mix with people on a social level . If people don’t like me and get be bothered to get to know me before making up their mind about me then it’s on them . I actively avoid people I don’t like and will call out any bad treatment of me and will walk away from such people. As I’ve aged my circle has shrunk and I only communicate with those who add value to my life .