To dislike most people nowadays ?

[thvfemot]

Is this an age thing? I’m nearly 40 and I just don’t like many people. I like my own space and I think most people are dickheads. I would rather be alone than with people.

Or, the takeaway is that people who like others, without having to pretend to, and are generally nice eggs to those around them are more likeable to others in return. And the more nice interactions you have with the more people who you like and who like you back, the sunnier your day is.

I work in a company of over 250 people and have the sort of role which brings me into contact with most of them at some point. I genuinely haven’t found one yet that I can’t find something to like about in some way. I find most people likeable, tbh.

Yeah cool I’m sure you feel that makes you a superior person, but what about people who don’t find most people likeable without pretending? The implication of what you’re saying is that they should fake it to get better results. Has it occurred to you that not everybody gets treated the same way by other people, and that may have an impact on whether they find other people likeable or not? Being disabled, being a sexual or racial minority, not being conventionally attractive, can have quite a big impact on how the majority of other people treat you, and how ‘likeable’ you therefore find them.

I've always preferred my own company, though have made efforts to be a relatively decent human. I don't mind chatting to folk or catching up, but I cannot be doing with drama or living in folk's pockets (or them in mine). My hobbies keep me fulfilled, and don't need other folk to pursue them, though I do sometimes talk to other folk who share my hobbies . I do have an OH and DS, who I live with, but OH likes his own company too and DS has his smallish circle.

Most people are probably basically decent. That doesn't mean you want to be around them.

When you hit menopause I'm certain that your people pleasing hormones fade and you realise how much work people can be. I'm not saying that as though it's a bad thing.

My best friend has gone full MAGA. ive known her for 17yrs and since covid she's fell down the QAnon hole. I've distanced but can't take the batshit FB posts anymore so unfriended her yesterday. I've mourned the friendship we had but can't agree to disagree any longer.

Nah - I refuse to buy into that negative grumpy old person stereotype. I’m going to opposite way.
Always hated people but now I delight in the crumbs of humanity, empathy and solidarity in the people I meet.

Even if I exchange a nod with a kid completely oblivious to me coming out of the sixth form college near me and they hold back to let me through a narrow path. That’s a win. If I smile at the harried mum with the whingey toddler in the supermarket and she meets my eyes with a hint of a smile back - that’s a win. If I exchange a good old British moan (weather/dog muck/parking) with the man in the papershop - that’s a win.

Crumbs mate. Low expectations. We are all fractious. We are all on the edge. We are all insecure. But we don’t have to be part of the problem. Smile and the world smiles back.

I don’t pretend to like people, so I can’t really answer as to how those who feel they’d have to should approach that.

You don’t have to pretend to like anybody who’s been unkind to you. You can still be open to seeing likeable things in all the people who haven’t been, without pretending, and more often than not that will generate a response in kind. Ultimately it’s just behavioural psychology.

You’re saying it’s circular, but you’re choosing to place the origin of the circle with the person who doesn’t automatically find people likeable (they’re the ones who are generating the negative response from others). That’s not self-evident. I’m pointing out that another way of looking at it is to place the origins of the circle with the people who behaved in such a way as to give that person the impression that a lot of people are not likeable. I think your advice about seeing likeable things in people who haven’t been unkind to you is of fairly limited use to certain people in certain circumstances, historical and otherwise. Not much use to African-Americans living through enslavement, for example. Yes perhaps you can find kindness in each other, but that’s not the majority of your society.

I think there’s some truth to that meme that says the world is not full of jerks but they’re strategically placed so you run into at least one a day.

I'm so sad you feel like this. The majority of people are amazing in their own way. Kind, interesting, compassionate, funny, empathetic. Everyone is just doing their best in a world which can often be hard. Where do you live? Do you have access to many different groups of people, or are you in a small village?

Feeling the same op. Between flaky friends and just crap behaviour kinda done with it all now! Like my own company too

I generally like most people. Most people don’t seem to hate me.
i am not particularly bothered about the others. Sometimes it’s quite fun to be disliked by the most grumpy ones. I dial up the cheerful for them.

Mumsnet has more than its fair share of fairly antisocial people so I’m never sure threads like this are particularly representative.

This.

It's like the posters on here that talk about deliberately barging into men in public whilst complaining in the next breath that men treat them with contempt. Go figure.

Out of interest, how do the ‘most people are lovely’ crowd account for things like the rise of Nazi Germany?

Why are you assuming that men’s behaviour to them is the chicken and not the egg? How can you know?

I like at least 30% of people and most of the rest seem OK. I think if you actually dislike most people, it's a symptom of something quite sad within yourself.

I could have written this myself 👍🏼

So if most African-Americans in the pre-civil rights period disliked most of the people in their society, who wanted to deny them full civil rights as human beings, is that a sign of something quite sad within themselves? Or a sign of something quite sad outside of themselves?

You need to read some James Baldwin. There’s a lot of cluelessness on this thread honestly, bordering on smugness.

I’m 41 and feel exactly the same.

Maybe they think-you are a dickhead,

See I don't get this. Why do you think you are so special that you are just not like everyone else.You are.

Might be you attracting them. There’s plenty of great people worth to meet out there.

YANBU - I'm with you all the way. Particularly young men in high performance cars and women in enormous 4WDs who can't see over the steering wheel. Neighbours who allow their sodding children to slam their footballs into the sodding fence. Spam callers (particularly ones who call before 9am). Scooter riders who don't have number plates and cover their faces (hope the little bastards fall off and break their bloody necks). People who mistreat animals. Anyone who mansplains to me. People who park in disabled spaces when they're not, may they rot in Hell.

That's just the start of my list.

I don't like the idea of "people" as a group - I don't like crowds, traffic, busy places

but to most people are dickheads
I don't agree.

I think so many people are supportive, helpful, I am always taken aback how many go above and beyond to help and be involved. There are a lot of dickheads, but there are more genuinely nice people.

No one is perfect, everyone can have their moments, but on the whole, enough good ones to make it worth it.

Why do people on MN think they don't annoy other people? You all do stuff that pisses other people off.