Grown man just shouted at DD2

[Pinkypantspurple]

We are on our third train. 5 hours into a journey . I have DD2 and DD3.
Colouring, reading , toy animals. A few goggles and the odd roar from the toy dinosaurs !
I just had to take both to the toilet to DD who was 2 this month could have her nappy changed. There was a tiny cubicle and as I laid her head on the floor ( no facilities ) she came distressed and scared which was made worse by the handier going off .

We returned to our seats and she was crying for 90 seconds and then she did let out a scream .

A grown man aged 45? 50 shouted for ‘For God sake shut up!’
I was agog.

The children have been quiet as mice for the past half an hour .
They Are 2 and 3 and I think they have behaved so well . I have sat on trains webere children have giggled or cried or babies cried non stop and I have and would never shout.

I feel upset and angry and annoyed . AIBU?

I’m sure there’s a truth somewhere in the middle of your version and his version.

You saying your kids have been quiet as mice sounds dramatic and probably isn’t the actual truth. Kids are far more annoying to strangers and their parents seem to not notice how bad their noise levels or behaviour actually is.

However none of this excuses someone shouting at your children.

I’m afraid to say I would have gone totally off on one if a grown man shouted at my toddler, I don’t give a fuck how annoying he found them. Children are people and have the right to exist in public places, don’t like it get a fucking taxi.

Of course you're not unreasonable OP. Your DD is just 2 and unable to regulate her emotions yet. This man is an adult and, as annoying as it can be to hear a child cry and scream, even for a short period, he should not have been so vile and rude. Sounds like you're doing a good job keeping them amused during a long and tiring journey. Don't let this wanker's behaviour upset you.

Why run through all that process first? He had no right to shout at them. Full stop.

Waiting for someone to say that he was neurodiverse…

Bet he would not have said that to a bunch of drunk lads!!

yes they may have been a bit more noise than maybe related but there was no need to shout.

He didn't actually shout at your children, did he? He just shouted it into the air. You'd very definitely have told us if your kids were upset by it or even noticed it.

Maybe he was a dick, maybe he was in extreme distress.

It's super weird to me that people who understand that babies and kids can't help being loud pretend not to understand that adults cannot help being upset by them screaming and crying. It's literally built into us we have evolved to have our blood pressure shoot up and our adrenalin and cortisol spike when we hear screaming kids.

Maybe he was ND or had just had his mum die or had simply reached the end of his rope. No idea.

But it sounds like he did nothing actually TO your kids, just shouted into the air.

So move on.

Can't post links
Fleming et al. (2002): Cortisol release in response to infant cries.
Giardino et al. (2008): Cortisol elevation in adults hearing baby cries.
Brazy et al. (1993) and Ludington-Hoe et al. (1994): Increased intracranial blood pressure from prolonged crying exposure.
Out et al. (2010): Cardiac reactivity (heart rate/blood pressure) to cry sounds.

Or demented, if he is over 40

I’d have told him to take his own advice and then ignored him. Intolerant arse, but not worth wasting any more of your thoughts on.

I don’t think we can stop people getting irritated by other people’s kids I’m afraid. Whilst you are used to them and their noice he isn’t.

Id be upset too but I’d move on

In the past I have said something back

But these days would try and ignore. You don't know whether he would attack or not.

But YANBU

Absolutely word for word what I was going to say 👏👏

Don't worry about it OP.

Some people react like dicks when kids are being annoying (and they were probably way louder and more annoying than you think).

He had no right to shout. He should've just bitten his tongue and prayed for your kids to calm down.

He was sat opposite us. She shouted his piece and we just sat there and looked at him. The children were clearly shocked as was I. @thebabayaga2025

I am sorry he shouted but you’ve no idea what’s going on in his life.

I am sure the kids are possibly noisier than you think and he may be having a bad day.

Or he might just be an arse.

Honestly don’t give it another thought.

It's super weird to me that people who understand that babies and kids can't help being loud pretend not to understand that adults cannot help being upset by them screaming and crying

@thebabayaga2025

adults who cannot help themselves shouting into the ether when confronted with a distressed baby in public transport should stay at home .

Ok, that's a bit different. He should have just got up and moved. Sorry he scared your kids.

What the difference between a man and a grown man?

A two year old isn’t a baby.

I didn’t say a word. I know I would have probably regretted it. I just sat there and the children continued to play. He made a big deal to storm past us.

Maybe we were louder than I thought but honestly I thought they were very well behaved until toilet gate. Watching a grown man act this way I just felt was really sad .

Nope. In that case all adults must all stay home at all times in case they get angry while out and about. You have definitely shouted/got angry/overreacted in public at some point in your life. Absolutely 100 percent definitely.

You should therefore never leave home again. Doesn't work.

Thank you!
I will move on!
I hate any and all confrontation and just felt it was abit unnecessary. But no point dwelling on it .

you’ve no idea what’s going on in his life

who cares?! If your life is so severely going of the rails that you cannot trust yourself not to shout and swear in response to normal every day situations then you need to remove yourself from the general public until you can get a fucking grip of yourself.

A two year old is, however, a kid. As I stated.

The guy was just an arsehole. Forget about it.

I have autism and adhd.

to be clear, I wouldn’t have said anything.

but I have a fuckton of crap going on in my life at the moment and I find it hard to regulate.

I would have gone elsewhere.

But I can understand someone being unable to cope and reacting.

If you take public transport, you’re going to have to deal with the public, which applies to the man and to you.

He should have asked if there was a quiet carriage.

And you should try as much as you are able to keep your children quiet.