Grown man just shouted at DD2

[Pinkypantspurple]

We are on our third train. 5 hours into a journey . I have DD2 and DD3.
Colouring, reading , toy animals. A few goggles and the odd roar from the toy dinosaurs !
I just had to take both to the toilet to DD who was 2 this month could have her nappy changed. There was a tiny cubicle and as I laid her head on the floor ( no facilities ) she came distressed and scared which was made worse by the handier going off .

We returned to our seats and she was crying for 90 seconds and then she did let out a scream .

A grown man aged 45? 50 shouted for ‘For God sake shut up!’
I was agog.

The children have been quiet as mice for the past half an hour .
They Are 2 and 3 and I think they have behaved so well . I have sat on trains webere children have giggled or cried or babies cried non stop and I have and would never shout.

I feel upset and angry and annoyed . AIBU?

Posters are right that you don’t know what he’s going through, but that doesn’t mean he’s not been a total dick. Even if your baby cried the entire journey, it’s a public train. He can get up and move so why not just do that rather than making a totally pointless point. I think my mum talking non stop in that situation would be far worse than the sound of children. (I love my mum but she really can talk nonsense.)

The only time I’ll speak up is when a dc is watching an iPad or phone with no headphones. To me that’s unacceptable.

I’m shocked at the amount of people justifying and making up excuses for a grown man, but yet cannot do the same for a literal toddler.
If a grown man can’t cope with noise on a train he shouldn’t be on it. If that’s the attitude for a small child let’s keep that energy for the adult who could have walked away and not shouted at a woman alone with two small children.

What do you mean, you laid her head on the floor? 🤢

OP, just put it down to some adults expecting more self regulation from toddlers than from themselves.

No. Your comment made no sense. And now I see it’s been deleted so I presume you re-read it and realised it made no sense and had it deleted

The main poster who seems to be writing in a tone of screaming is you. You also seem to call anyone you disagree names. Which I guess is consistent with someone who writes in the tone you use.

You also tell lots of posters to stay home forever. Which is a little peculiar.

You said something nonsensical and then deleted it and at 12:54 you quoted yourself and then repeated something….to yourself. And you have announced your departure repeatedly but not actually left the thread.

This thread appears to be upsetting you. If it’s triggering you, maybe it’s not healthy for you to engage

I hope it hasn't really become socially acceptable to shout at very young and distressed strangers, as it appears on this thread..

I don't think the ND angle in conversations like this is helpful. There's such a potential for backlash.

I do love these threads that attract all the posters who believe any adult with poor emotional regulation or who’s having a bad day gets to scream and shout with giddy abandon and we must all be kind and somehow override our own physiological stress response to feel intimidated or angry.

I say this as someone with ADHD and an autistic child.

It makes life so much more difficult for all of us when posters trot out the whole ‘neurodivergent people must be free to behave however they need to in order to feel comfortable, because only ND people’s stress levels matter, the rest of you are just irritants. PLUS everyone else must put tons of effort into making sure their DC are silent in public and make no sudden movements - unless of course your child is ND, in which case trying to keep them quiet would be abusive / ableist / teaching them to mask and setting them up for a lifetime of mental health problems’ thing.

We all need to try to get along together in the world. We all need to try to manage our emotions. We don’t all always succeed.

It’s normal for children to make noise.

It’s normal to feel scared and angry when someone shouts at your children (or in the presence of your children).

It’s completely OK to conclude that someone’s a volatile arsehole when they’re behaving aggressively - even if their intentions are not aggressive. How the fuck can we know a stranger’s intentions?

If he was that bothered he could've moved seats. I do find however that parents underestimate how loud their children are as they're used to it.

Some common sense at last!

I also read posts with the impression that some people are desperate to have something to report, something to be angry/disturbed/offended about.

Not everything needs to be dissected.

I absolutely completely second this, I would have hit the roof and made a hell of a lot more noise than the children!

edited to add: for everyone saying that she doesn’t know what might be going on in his life at the moment, he doesn’t bloody know what’s going on in hers either! For all he knew she could’ve been a stressed out, overwhelmed single parent to two rambunctious children on the way to a parent’s funeral who was at her tipping point! You don’t get a free pass to be an arsehole on the basis that you might or might not be going through a difficult time.

Crying screaming kids are annoying at the best of times, and especially so on public transport.

I don’t think a single soul disagrees with you. The discussion isn’t whether something is annoying. It’s about whether it’s reasonable behaviour for a 45 year old man to become so disregulated that he screams at a 2 year old for becoming disregulated and screaming once. Not even for a long duration.
But even if it was for a duration, a 2 year old is biologically unable to regulate their emotions. Most 45 year olds should be able to.
There is a great irony in someone demonstrating emotional disregulation towards a 2 year old

So are some elderly people who walk incredibly slowly in the middle of a supermarket aisle with no awareness that there are people trying to pass them. Is it ok to shout at them too to move out the way? Or would you not be polite knowing they’re a human being and aren’t doing it deliberately? What’s the difference?

I was in a cafe today and there was a little boy of about 3 kicking off big style. Just crying and yelling and screaming because he didn’t want to be there. Went on and on. Mum and gran (presumably) smiling beatifically and pretending it wasn’t happening.

I did not shout or swear, in fact I barely looked in their direction. But it was horrible to listen to and put my nerves right on edge. while the man absolutely shouldn’t have shouted, you simply don’t know what else he had going on.

I agree he wouldn’t have shouted at a man. He just saw you and your little ones as an easy target for his anger. A lot of men are like this, and take their anger out on people they think are weaker than them.

Your kids were just being kids. It’s unrealistic for anyone to expect preschoolers to be silent.

Children in mid-upper primary can hear irritating noises without shouting 'shut up!' so yes I would certainly expect it of any adult who is capable of being out in public alone.

Ah but what about all theND adults that are affected by it? Unable to go out? Yet I'd its ND kids everyone meant to be tolerant and make exceptions? Doesn't add up

Lots of people on here seem to forget that ND adults exist to be fair.

This thread has made my heart sink a little.
My boyfriend is autistic and was on a train a few days ago where he had a meltdown due to the noise from children. He shouts and swears too but always removes himself if he can. He is a little older than 45 though.

It is sad that some people are saying ND adults should stay at home if they cant handle society. I have heard people say that in our earshot before and it was very upsettting.

Some horrible old bag shouted at my autistic son for screaming on a train once. I was so shocked I got up and took my son to another carriage then sat there kicking myself for not telling her not to shout at my son. Same thing when some cock said loudly "for fucks sake" when my 1 year old daughter was baby babbling on a bus. I took her to sit with my husband and son who were on the top deck and moaned to them about it rather than shout out to the people behind me "which fucker said that!"

If he’s got things going on his life I bet he still wouldn’t haven’t told a group of loud teenagers/ adults to shut up.

It’s always mums and babies/children who get told to shut up.

Unfortunately he needs to find a workaround - noise cancelling headphones? Appreciate it's an obvious solution. Even though it's not his fault, unless he very clearly has a disability he is either going to terrify or antagonise someone.