Grown man just shouted at DD2

[Pinkypantspurple]

We are on our third train. 5 hours into a journey . I have DD2 and DD3.
Colouring, reading , toy animals. A few goggles and the odd roar from the toy dinosaurs !
I just had to take both to the toilet to DD who was 2 this month could have her nappy changed. There was a tiny cubicle and as I laid her head on the floor ( no facilities ) she came distressed and scared which was made worse by the handier going off .

We returned to our seats and she was crying for 90 seconds and then she did let out a scream .

A grown man aged 45? 50 shouted for ‘For God sake shut up!’
I was agog.

The children have been quiet as mice for the past half an hour .
They Are 2 and 3 and I think they have behaved so well . I have sat on trains webere children have giggled or cried or babies cried non stop and I have and would never shout.

I feel upset and angry and annoyed . AIBU?

I don’t scream at kids I don’t know.

can’t you read? Being so smart and all.

I'd have been ok sitting opposite you - definitely wouldn't have shouted. Probably would have smiled, chattered etc.

I'm his demographic.

Far rather you and family than an arse telling his/her story in loud voice on a mobile.

I agree that a noisy child on a train is enormously irritating, but that's not an excuse to shout at them. It's just one of those things you have to live with.

I always tell myself 'I can leave this noise behind when I get off the train - the poor parent has to go home with it.'

Again, screaming at children like that is not normal. You are entitled to your opinion of me. It changes nothing.

Man shouts into the air because a kid screaming was annoying the shit out of him!
am I missing something or is that it ?!?!

I used to commute a lot and a young Downs Syndrome man used to quite often get on the bus with his guitar - one day the bus stopped in traffic near the bus stop, but not actually at the stop because there was literally no space onboard. When he realised the doors weren't opening he started shouting, flailing his arms around and looking really angry towards the driver - I felt really sorry for him, because he normally seemed to cope fine travelling but this clearly set him over the edge. Disability isn't always visible, however, 'grown' autistic men will struggle more with regulating responses, as will some folk developmental issues.
Or the guy could just have had a bad day, and it was the final straw! Or maybe your kids were very loud, and you're a bit blinkered to it (as we can all be).

This is why I bring headphones on trains. Means I can't hear the noisy children, who aren't ever as quiet as their parents believe. It also means I don't get annoyed.

Sounds like he had reached his limit and at least he removed himself from the situation. Its not ideal to shout of course, and if he had stayed sitting opposite hurling abuse then thats horrible, but he didnt. Sitting near small children in a confined space is almost always irritating let's be real.

Ofcourse he shouldn't have shouted at your kids, and children certainly have a rights to inhabit public spaces. Equally, some folks do find noise levels challenging and would like to avoid noisy travel.

I have sometimes reserved 'quiet' carriages when I need to work on long train rides only to find that parents with infants and toddlers have also booked in them (inexplicable). Needless to say it was not then a 'quiet' carriage, and the other occupants were justifiably annoyed at the noise levels. Folks speaking on mobiles phones also annoyed everyone.

I’m puzzled that you have told people that they have definitely lost their rag at people in public. This says a lot about you and those you are close to as you believe everyone has done this.
It also status something peculiar that you are so determined to believe you know something like this about people you have never met.

Like others have said, I have never shouted at a stranger in public. It’s just not happened. I’ve been annoyed by people. I’ve been stressed by screaming babies. I’ve found some people challenging, but I’ve not shouted at people. I’ve either spoken to them or removed myself from the situation. I may have raised an eyebrow. But screamed in public? Nope. Never felt that urge

For the love of god will people stop the PA quipping of “you must be struggling with comprehension”. Wow, what an original clever response you (all) have 🙄. And this is generally said when people don’t agree with you.

This. "Rather you than me"...

There are a lot of screaming, angry people on this thread shrieking harassment and abuse at anyone who doesn't agree with them.

They all need to stay home, forever, according to their own rules.

So anyway, yeah, OP, as you explained he yelled directly at you and your kids, it's not great, he should have just got up and left.

But he didn't. You're going to have to get used to people hating your kids being loud, it's a common reaction and many people CANNOT regulate feeling angry as their blood presure, cortisol and adrenaline spiles - this is absolutely normal in humans when babies and kids shriek.

It doesn't sound all that extraordinary. But I am sorry he scared your kids.

Must fly, will leave the shrieking ableist bigots to keep screaming nonsense.

And upset/crying is a million miles off an ear-piercing scream

If you don’t scream at kids you don’t know - and why would you, since the vast vast majority of people don’t -

then the request to stay at home if you can’t control yourself sufficiently to not scream at kids clearly doesn’t apply to you. 🤷‍♀️

Your posts are becoming tantamount to bullying. I think you should stop.

Absolutely unbelievable that people are bending over backwards in the comments to defend a man shouting at a two year old child!

I didn’t quote you - I’m talking about the general consensus in this thread.

My DD1 (16) is ND and gets very distressed by any loud noise when out and about. We were at A&E and she got very upset by babies crying, too. (She wears hearing aids, which makes it worse.) Thankfully, she didn’t scream at them to shut up, but I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point she were to let rip at someone, because she certainly does that at home!

So yes, it is possible that this man was ND, though it’s also possible that he was just an arsehole.

Either way, YANBU, OP. Toddlers will scream on occasion, and you did your best. Best not to dwell on it.

"Wear sunglasses/ear plugs/headphones/avoid crowds etc rather than stand up and shout at people demonstrating normal behaviours"

Is not suggesting that the man on the train was abnormal. This poster was simply stating that what the child was doing is developmentally normal for their age and stage. That in no way implies that there was anything abnormal about the other poster. All of us have a responsibility to do what we need to do to help us coexist safely and appropriately with others, whether that's someone who's under high stress utilising counselling or the gym to create an outlet, or someone with noise sensitivity utilising headphones or ear plugs to minimise that.

There has obviously got to be a balance between people who find certain things harder about being around Joe Public getting out and about and being included, but also not being abusive to others in the process. And shouting at a toddler is abusive behaviour irregardless of who is doing the shouting.

We also have no way of knowing if this man is ND or vulnerable in some way, he may also just have been having a shit day and felt like taking it out on a mother and her child. What I'd love to know is if he'd have done the same if op was a father out with his child. My guess is that he would not and he felt entitled to bully and belittle them in this scenario which is why its stuck with op.

Do you feel that everyone with disabilities should be 'put away' then?
How disgusting.

As said, must fly, will leave the rage filled bigots to their own devices.