Grown man just shouted at DD2

[Pinkypantspurple]

We are on our third train. 5 hours into a journey . I have DD2 and DD3.
Colouring, reading , toy animals. A few goggles and the odd roar from the toy dinosaurs !
I just had to take both to the toilet to DD who was 2 this month could have her nappy changed. There was a tiny cubicle and as I laid her head on the floor ( no facilities ) she came distressed and scared which was made worse by the handier going off .

We returned to our seats and she was crying for 90 seconds and then she did let out a scream .

A grown man aged 45? 50 shouted for ‘For God sake shut up!’
I was agog.

The children have been quiet as mice for the past half an hour .
They Are 2 and 3 and I think they have behaved so well . I have sat on trains webere children have giggled or cried or babies cried non stop and I have and would never shout.

I feel upset and angry and annoyed . AIBU?

You’re trying to up your story to get more support.

Long train journeys are unpleasant for everyone. There’s nothing you can do now. Small kids can be genuinely annoying, even very distressing to strangers, and some men are obnoxious. Its over now, there’s no point in dwelling on it.

Maybe he was having a fine day until the noise started.
We don’t know

As a parent I know kids can be annoying to others. I don’t expect the world to put up with my kids.
I would just let it pass.

i hope you don’t work in retail, I’ve seen far worse. Us human beings, we just don’t behave how we’re supposed to sometimes, and yes, shouting at/around a child is unacceptable, as is shouting at anyone, but it does happen.
children can be really annoying, especially when they’re not your own and they’re being very loud.
It’s nothing personal, people act like inconsiderate dicks now and again, and will continue to do so until the end of time, not great no, but this unfortunately is life and it happens everywhere.

My ND friends will often wear a sunflower lanyard, not to have to explain themselves, but to gently show people that behaviour which may draw attention / cause upset isn’t because they’re a bad human. I understand not everyone wants to wear a label but then it shouldn’t be a surprise that a mother with two small children feels threatened and upset with their outburst.

I’d have shouted ‘why don’t you! You are grown man shouting at a toddler. YOU SHUT UP.’ But I understand it was probably shocking and scary to be shouted at by a grown man when you’re alone with 2 little ones on the train.
I have ‘trained’ mine to have a nappy change standing up, but if it was a poop nappy sounds like maybe a blanket on the floor may have helped. It’s not your fault either way.

And no it’s not understandable a grown adult shouted at a small child. If he has any of the excuses people have made that’s a HIM issue.

He shouted once and left.
OP has no idea what he's struggling with. ND, personal stress, worry, illness. All can make people do things they wouldn't normally do. Had he carried on its a problem , one outburst let it go.

Says the poster supporting a man shouting and swearing at kids

OP I hope the bizarreness of this thread has provided a welcome distraction. It’s tough traveling with small DC and credit to you undertaking a five hour three change trip on public transport - I wouldn’t fancy that alone let alone with small DC.

or the OP and/or her children are...

I have and wear a sunflower lanyard. When I am out in public. And not “put away”.

Excuses?
Please elaborate.

People are horrible,

I remember being on a busy train, a lady asked a man (in his 40s-50s) to move his bag so she could sit down. He just shouted at her, "fuck off, you smelly bitch."

He was dressed nicely, you would never have thought he would have such an outlandish reaction to a reasonable request. The lady, bless her, was so shocked.

He probably has reached his limit in terms of tolerance just as your daughter had reached hers. I appreciate that he’s a grown man but it’s a stressful situation for everyone unfortunately. I’d just try to accept that he lost his temper and move on from it. Nobody is perfect.

But I’m not . Someone said - ‘He didn’t shout at you , he shouted into the air.

So I explained so he was sat opposite us.

Err in case it isn't obvious, personal stress, worry and illness are absolutely not things that make it ok to shout at others in public, particularly (and it is surprising that I have to say this) toddlers.

So it’s not ok for your 2yo not to be in control of their emotions, but it’s ok for an adult man to be out of control? He has an interesting POV. He was VU. I’d have said something to him. What a twat. He should drive if he can’t cope with some noise on a public train.

Absolutely this. He's expecting a toddler to regulate her emotions but he can't do it at his age.
I hate that this is always the excuse for shit behaviour from adults. He was a twat.

People sometimes react badly.
He shouted and then removed himself.
OP is quick to tell us why her child screamed (being distressed during an irregular nappy change) but gives no thought to why he might react that way.
Mental stress can manifest in ways we least expect and make us act against our better judgement

so the two year old was crying for 90 seconds, then let out a big scream, then he shouted shut up and then they stopped screaming and just started playing?

It all sounds a bit odd, my two year old would have been frightened by someone shouting 'shut up!!' at her, and would probably have cried more.. and I'd have said something, assuming I was already taking steps to calm her / quieten her down.

What did you do when the screaming started? I'd have been on top of that straight away, I'm not excusing him shouting at a child but I see so many parents who just ignore their kids shouting and screaming at the top of their lungs, it's like they can't hear them anymore.. it doesn't surprise me when peoples anger bubbles over, hearing kids scream and cry is like torture, he could have just moved though if the noise was bothering him so much!

What's a handier?

Most people just realise shit happens. He said his piece then removed himself from the situation, its not worth dwelling on, nor would it have been worth shouting back.

Ofcourse there not but sometimes it goes beyond personal control and people snap.
For all OP knows he may be mortified by his own outburst considering he left.

Was he opposite you at a table or across the carriage but on the other side?

If most of us have got annoyed in pubilc, it would be over another adult who could regulate their behaviour but didn't. You have to be weird to shout about a very young child who is behaving in as children do. You seem to think that everyone does this at some point, but no, we don't, no matter how much you insist. Losing your rag, as you put it, over bad behaviour is different from not being able to be in public and tolerate noises that are part of living in society, which babies and children are part of. If you can't handle normal human behaviour in society without losing your rag and lack the ability to regulate yourself, then you definitely should stay home. Cortisol spike or not, you wouldn't shout at a grown man or hit someone simply because your cortisol is high, but shouting at the normal behaviour of children seems to be fair game for many.

He definitely should have shouted. Especially at such close proximity. I agree with those saying he should have just moved.

I’m sure it was annoying to be sat opposite a baby crying - I find their cries go through me like actual pain - but he could easily have moved and remedied the situation for himself!

Also, of course, shouting at a toddler isn’t going to help stop them crying!