RSV season warning in family chat

[AutumnIsHereAnd]

My SIL has today shared a “warning” in our family group chat to say we are no longer allowed to kiss my nephews (even on the HAND!), because of “RSV season”. The boys are 4 and 15 months. AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous, especially given the fact they’re the ones who are always poorly?! She’s said if any of us kiss them we won’t be seeing them for the rest of winter!

I’m not having a go. 🙄

Disagreeing with someone over them throwing a fit online because they are not allowed to kiss someone’s child and using it as an excuse to not watch them anymore is not having a go.

Regardless of who is being ridiculous only one of them is the parent.

I have had parents ask me not to do things I don’t particularly understand but I do them anyway because they are the parents.

It’s not difficult to not kiss a child. You don’t have to kiss a child to comfort them. Making a big deal out of not doing so is ridiculous, family or not.

As a paediatric nurse - RSV can be like a common cold for adults but can be really dangerous for babies and toddlers (especially younger than 2). Children who are not immunocompromised can still absolutely be hospitalised with it and on oxygen/optiflow or even ventilated. We test for the virus and put RSV+ children away from RSV- children on the ward in order to quarantine as best we can as it can lead to more severe cases of bronchiolitis. We now offer vaccinations to pregnant women and babies for RSV as healthcare now identify it as such a risk.

Ultimately - her children = her decision

Because it’s not her child, and if the parents say don’t kiss my baby, then don’t kiss their baby.
also because RSV can kill people.

Adults won't necessarily know they have RSV. It doesn't affect them the way it does children and the elderly. Why is that so hard to understand???

No, the NHS is the one who says not to kiss young children or the elderly. She is not being silly.

You won’t necessarily know when a child has RSV either. So the OPs SIL could have sent her children to the OPs house with a “cold” that was actually RSV. Or just generally taken them out when they have a “cold” and passed it on to others. If someone wants to try their hardest to avoid catching a certain virus, especially one that can present with cold symptoms, they need to not take their children out with a cold either and pass that on. Because they could themselves be passing on RSV or Covid or even Flu.

And it doesn’t only affect the elderly or kids. I was 36 and I almost died.

Snap! Navigating illnesses is horrendous. However unavoidable because she’s at school

Well, SIL has conceded that she was being OTT. I pointed out to her how inconsistent she is, to say that we need to be careful etc., but she will send her kids to nursery, take them to places like soft play and let the toddler lick things, and take them out and about with a cold, but we can't be affectionate with them? She has said she saw it on TikTok and panicked.

Pre-schoolers can get as many as 12 colds a year. Their immune systems are immature - adults and grown children are not. It's unreasonable to expect them to be kept away from nursery and these places as they'd be off more often than they are in!

It still doesn't make it ok to expect to go around kissing kids.

Honestly I think you sound OTT!
instead of slagging off her wishes, respect them!
she doesn’t want her children getting sick, doesn’t want the sleepless nights and crying…. Trying to keep her kids healthy is not OTT….
i Never Kiss my niece and nephew … there’s no need… I play and cuddle with them, read to them etc… but there’s no need to slobber on them … I remember as a kid having an aunt who always kissed us kids, I also remember walking away thinking YUK & wiping it off!
why are people so obsessed with kissing kids?! Kiss your own but leave other people’s kids alone!
Also why come on here expecting everyone to join in and slag off your SIL? Then get all defensive when people point out you’re being unreasonable!

LOL you’re hilarious…
‘she’s happy for them to make you sick?’ Really?? 😂
Christ you’re an adult and can advocate for yourself. If her kids are sick say you don’t want to meet up - she has to advocate for her kids because they can’t yet do so for themselves!
it absolutely does not matter what your opinion is about her wishes! They are her wishes and her children so show some bloody respect

Does she maybe not realise these are airborne viruses? Direct contact is not necessary for transmission. Short of self isolating your entire family there is no hiding from viruses. They will pick up many many viruses during their childhood, mostly from other children.

Saying all that I'm not a huge fan of extended families planting kisses on children. The eldest is 4, maybe they don't want to be kissed? My brother used to force my clearly autistic nephew to kiss and cuddle my parents and it always made me uncomfortable. I remember being kissed by drunk older relatives at family parties and not wanting to be. At a certain age children are too old to be grabbed and kissed without consent.

OP is batshit. I think the thread must be a joke

I never understand these threads, where people come to ask if they're being unreasonable, only to be told they are, and then they double down on their views!? What is the point?

DS ended up in the paediatric ward with RSV at around your older nephews age. He was referred by our GP who was really alarmed when we took him in for an emergency appt. He isn’t immunocompromised, he was just so poorly with it. He couldn’t breathe and needed an inhaler (he’s not normally asthmatic). I would just respect her wishes honestly - how bad would you feel if you ignored them and they went on to be seriously poorly? There’s a reason RSV has just been added to the vaccination schedule.

Nah. Sounds to me like you waded in on her with both feet, like you did to posters on this thread, and shouted her into submission.

Well done you! Now you can continue to slobber over your nephews with impunity.

This is something I'd implement if I had a new born because they aren't vaccinated but not a 4 and 15 month (unless not vaccinated), it's abit out there for her to act like that over a kiss on a hand/cheek, does she realize kids pass germs in school/nursery? Or day to day life?.

I work in a school kids do more than hold hands they sneeze in your face, on your hands, in each other's food of they don't cover their mouths I'm ill already with a cold virus and we only went back 2 weeks ago 😅, trust me a kiss on the hand/cheek by a family member is the least of her problems. But these are her children you should respect what she asking you not to do whether you find it bonkers she's just being protective over her kids.

No matter what you or anyone else thinks, they are her children, so you have to go along with her wishes. Then, if they do catch something, you can't then be blamed.

RSV is not just a cold for babies. It causes bronchiolitis and can be life threatening. I am a paediatric nurse with 35 years experience and every winter our ward is full of babies with RSV requiring supplemental oxygen and NG feeds or IV fluids. Some go on to need further respiratory support optiflow, NIV or even intubation and ventilation and transfer to PICU. I've personally looked after several babies who have died and not all of these were premature or had other underlying issues. There are also many viruses around other than RSV which cause problems such as rhinovirus, enterovirus, boca virus, human metapneumovirus (HMPV), parainfluenza virus, and not forgetting flu A and B and Covid 19. Whilst these may cause minor symptoms in healthy older children and adults, they can be deadly to babies, small children, the immunocompromised and the elderly. It's sensible to take precautions.

Agreed.

A lot of people think its over the top.. but why not just accept it?

Your SIL is obviously stressing and she's asking for your co-operation.

She's the mother. They are her kids...she worries about them, maybe there's things going on or warnings she's been given that you don't know about.. Having lived through lockdown, its not surprising that its made people's anxieties higher.

But since she is so worried about them - why would anyone insist that their wishes come before the mother's?

If she doesn't want someone kissing her children, then that's up to her and no unreasonable. You don't get to argue with it or about it.

I'm not judging the SIL because of her request, but I am judging the fact that she is getting her medical "advice" from TikTok.

You ignorant fool.

It's NHS advice.

One of my sisters is a senior paediatric nurse. RSV is a killer of babies and toddlers every single year.

It's a truly dreadful illness and ANY steps that can be taken to minimise the risk of infecting children is worth doing. My sister may have to watch fewer children die struggling to take a breath.