Page 13 | RSV season warning in family chat

InkyOctopuswithLegs · 12/09/2025 11:25

RSV is not a common cold!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/09/2025 13:01

is30tooyoungformidlifecrisis · 12/09/2025 09:49

I've RTFT and I think there's a lot more going on here on your end. You come off very aggressive.

You said she doesn't want you kissing them, even though 'they're the ones that are sick all the time' yes, they're often ill because their immune systems haven't fully developed. You're an adult with a fully developed immune system and they are young children. That's how it works.

RE nursery - I imagine she relies on nursery for childcare to work? So she might rather not send them because of the risk of illness, like many parents, but doesn't really have a choice. She can't control that, so maybe she's hoping to do what she can in other places, like asking family not to kiss them. Might seem OTT to you but from her perspective, if you count up all the various friends and family members it adds up to a lot of potential exposure.

Basically you sound really resentful of babysitting so she 'can go out drinking'. You need to take a step back and address what's really making you so angry here as this is an OTT reaction to the request. If you don't want her to send her kids when they are poorly, you can tell her that. If you don't want to babysit, you can tell her that.

Spot on

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/09/2025 13:04

AutumnIsHereAnd · 12/09/2025 10:36

She’s implying that I’m unclean. Of course she is.

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No she isn't - it's in your head (unless you, and you alone - of all the people in the world - are asked not to kiss her/your brother's children)

GleisZwei · 12/09/2025 13:06

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/09/2025 13:04

No she isn't - it's in your head (unless you, and you alone - of all the people in the world - are asked not to kiss her/your brother's children)

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Agree. She just doesn't think folk should be kissing her children!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/09/2025 13:12

99bottlesofkombucha · 12/09/2025 09:40

She will ignore that, having read the posts. Much more effective to take the ops position and show the sil calmly that boundaries and respect go both ways so she can’t go drinking every week now until she’s found another babysitter or reconsidered her attitude.

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I can't really see OP doing anything "calmly" given the current temper and style of her posts 😤

SuperTrooper1111 · 12/09/2025 13:19

I think there's a back story between her and SIL that OP isn't sharing and that this isn't the first time SIL has tried to impose boundaries. OP comes across as really entitled in how she talks about her nieces and nephews, like she has a special claim to them and can do whatever she pleases while they're in her care. Yet they are not her DC and if their parents want to impose boundaries for what they see as safeguarding issues, they absolutely can. Makes me wonder if SIL is tired of pushy aunt riding roughshod over her wishes and throwing her toys out the pram when she doesn't get her way...

GiveDogBone · 12/09/2025 18:07

She’s obviously mentally ill with anxiety or OCD or something similar.

I’d take her up on her offer not to see her for the winter.

HenrysMammy · 12/09/2025 18:09

My son caught RSV when he was about 18 months, it was awful, he was in hospital for a week. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. And it not kissing babies is the way to prevent it, then it’s not that big a deal to me

Teachingagain · 12/09/2025 18:10

GiveDogBone · 12/09/2025 18:07

She’s obviously mentally ill with anxiety or OCD or something similar.

I’d take her up on her offer not to see her for the winter.

Why do you think she is mentally ill for wanting to avoid somethi which kills 30 children a year in the UK and puts another 30,000 in hospital?

Sirzy · 12/09/2025 18:23

GiveDogBone · 12/09/2025 18:07

She’s obviously mentally ill with anxiety or OCD or something similar.

I’d take her up on her offer not to see her for the winter.

A parent wanting to reduce the risk of their child being seriously ill makes them mentally ill? Seriously?

Or it makes them a parent trying to minimise risk in what should be a very simple, non problematic way.

Jumpers4goalposts · 12/09/2025 18:24

I’d be questioning your SIL about whether she is okay and whether she needs help.

Delatron · 12/09/2025 18:28

Sirzy · 12/09/2025 18:23

A parent wanting to reduce the risk of their child being seriously ill makes them mentally ill? Seriously?

Or it makes them a parent trying to minimise risk in what should be a very simple, non problematic way.

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I think the point is these children are surrounded by other ill children at nursery - sharing germs all day. That is the most likely place they will pick up RSV. Not from an Aunt who is not ill.

SIL is happy for kids to go to nursery and also for them to have sleepovers at OP’s when they are ill. She’s kind of focusing on the wrong things here.

OP is more likely to get ill from the children than vice versa.

Sirzy · 12/09/2025 18:28

Having been in the awful position of being asked in the hospital “Is he baptised? If not is it something that would be important to you?” I think the more awareness parents have of RSV and its potential dangers the better. That includes taking sensible precautions which have no impact upon the child at all such as not having relatives kissing them.

Thankfully my son survived and is now 15, but the damage done to his lungs will be with him for his whole life.

Delatron · 12/09/2025 18:29

HenrysMammy · 12/09/2025 18:09

My son caught RSV when he was about 18 months, it was awful, he was in hospital for a week. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. And it not kissing babies is the way to prevent it, then it’s not that big a deal to me

It’s not really the way to prevent it though is it? It’s more common in children so you’d need to avoid all nursery/soft play/ play dates. Not a kiss on the forehead from an Aunt who does not have RSV.

Ymiryboo · 12/09/2025 18:30

AutumnIsHereAnd · 11/09/2025 17:28

My SIL has today shared a “warning” in our family group chat to say we are no longer allowed to kiss my nephews (even on the HAND!), because of “RSV season”. The boys are 4 and 15 months. AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous, especially given the fact they’re the ones who are always poorly?! She’s said if any of us kiss them we won’t be seeing them for the rest of winter!

Just respect boundaries. You aren’t entitled to kiss kids or anyone. Assume some one has already but kids that age are snotty and grim anyway consider it a blessing

Dwappy · 12/09/2025 18:31

Teachingagain · 11/09/2025 18:13

RSV isn’t the same as the common cold. In most people it’s like a mild cold but it’s a different virus and it’s the cause of death of between 15 to 20 infants a year in the UK.

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There is no one virus that is “the common cold”. Many viruses cause what we call a cold. And RSV (yes when mild) is one of them. Any virus that causes cold symptoms is a “cold”.

Anxioustealady · 12/09/2025 18:33

I can't believe the ignorance about RSV and the entitlement of some people about kissing children that aren't yours. No means no.

By all means end the relationship and don't see your nephews any more, that's your choice, but it's silly. If my SIL said "don't kiss my baby" (I wouldn't, because I'm aware of current NHS guidance) I'd be embarrassed I overstepped with her baby, say sorry and not do it again.

Delatron · 12/09/2025 18:34

I agree RSV is serious but when was the last time any of us had it? It’s a childhood disease mainly.

I think short of avoiding all other children then making sure they have a good diet, being topped up on vitamin D and good handwashing is your best bet.

Nearly all children are infected this by the age of 2. Then they will build immunity.

It’s more serious in babies so the decision to be made there is whether you want a young baby in nursery over winter.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/09/2025 18:41

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No, RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus) is not just a childhood disease; anyone can get RSV, but it is most serious in infants and older adults, and people with compromised immune systems or underlying health conditions. Most children get RSV at least once by age two, but repeat infections can occur throughout life. While symptoms are often mild in older children and adults, resembling a common cold, they can become severe for those in high-risk groups.

Aspoonfulofnutella · 12/09/2025 18:47

It’s about reducing the risks that you can. Yes nurseries and childcare facilities should have things like HEPA filters, windows that open, fewer children or teachers pressured in when they’re unwell and just be less of a viral mountain environment overall, but at the moment, they don’t. Nursery is still likely to be the bigger risk, but other than offer some HEPA filters to nursery, what can SIL realistically do about that? She’s asking for an accommodation to try to keep her children a bit safer.

Delatron · 12/09/2025 18:57

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/09/2025 18:41

6

No, RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus) is not just a childhood disease; anyone can get RSV, but it is most serious in infants and older adults, and people with compromised immune systems or underlying health conditions. Most children get RSV at least once by age two, but repeat infections can occur throughout life. While symptoms are often mild in older children and adults, resembling a common cold, they can become severe for those in high-risk groups.

I said mainly. It does mainly affect children as they haven’t built up the immunity. My point being kids in nursery are far more likely to have RSV than OP and her family.

Yes anyone can get it at any age but it’s more common in children.

Sirzy · 12/09/2025 18:58

Being severely impacted by RSV is more common in children (and those who are elderly and immunocompromised)

Carrying the virus is just as likely at any age, people just don’t know what virus is causing what they think of as “just a cold”

TallMam · 12/09/2025 19:10

stop kissing other kids! Not that hard is it? The only one benefitting is you...not many kids want a kiss from their aunty or uncle or anybody really...just stop it. You can give cuddle, rub their hair, whatever

Ponoka7 · 12/09/2025 19:12

Another factor could be that someone who usually goes in for a kiss gets cold sores over winter and she didn't want to single them out.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/09/2025 19:37

TallMam · 12/09/2025 19:10

stop kissing other kids! Not that hard is it? The only one benefitting is you...not many kids want a kiss from their aunty or uncle or anybody really...just stop it. You can give cuddle, rub their hair, whatever

Quite!