RSV season warning in family chat

[AutumnIsHereAnd]

My SIL has today shared a “warning” in our family group chat to say we are no longer allowed to kiss my nephews (even on the HAND!), because of “RSV season”. The boys are 4 and 15 months. AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous, especially given the fact they’re the ones who are always poorly?! She’s said if any of us kiss them we won’t be seeing them for the rest of winter!

I actually think you’re being a bit harsh here OP. SIL has just said not to kiss them, surely it’s an easy request?
although RSV can be a common cold, it can also be deadly especially to children (just have a quick google and you’ll see.)

although it’s perhaps quite over cautious, it’s an easy request to follow so if you’ve got a good relationship with your SIL, I’d just leave it, follow the request and continue with your life

I think you clearly have an issue with your SIL that extends past this issue - otherwise your reaction is massively disproportionate.

You are so annoyed you can’t show affection the way you want to, but you are willing to cut contact with these children you MUST kiss because of this request?! Make it make sense. Because I adore my nephews and nieces and would happily comply with such a small request to spend time with them as I love them.

Comparing asking someone to not kiss their kids to saying they shouldn’t go to nursery is such a ridiculous comparison.

You are unreasonable and I don’t really know why you asked the question when you are so stuck in your ways that you double down and get more aggressive and insulting about your SIL with every post. Honestly, you sound a bit jealous of her.

She’s not implying you’re unclean you mad sod, what on earth is wrong with you?

You should absolutely never kiss another parent's child, and you have no right to.

There are myriad viruses beyond RSV you can pass to them that can also be fatal or cause lifelong conditions: herpes, strep, meningitis.

Please do not kiss or insist on putting your mouth on children. They do not deserve your illnesses for such utterly selfish reasons.

You sound like very hard work. You are not entitled to kiss someone else's kids, just get over yourself and respect her wishes.

Her kids, her choice.

I don’t quite get what you mean. Isn’t her sil entitled to expect free weekly babysitting AND that while doing her this huge favour the op also abide by all of her strict rules? The point of the ops message was that this very frequent babysitting is not available anymore. The op knows she’s not ‘entitled’ to kiss someone else’s kids but understandably is also mad that it comes with the continued expectation she perform substantial favours, including if these children have colds. It’s pretty hypocritical of the sil- if you are so concerned with your kids health, don’t drop them off for babysitting when poorly, which is also a huge disrespect to the ops kids health.

She’s frustrated as the sil drops her kids at the ops weekly for the op to babysit. She still drops them when they have colds and the op has kids who can catch the colds - the sil is risking the op’s kids catching these but being super precious about her own while also expecting a huge favour. I think most people who are telling the op to get a grip would actually if this was them be fuming and saying who does she think she is? I’m not an indentured servant!!

Respect people's boundaries jeez! I never think of kissing anyone's kids except my own.

Nothing stopped OP from saying no when her SIL brought the poorly children over though or to tell her not to do so again, especially when SIL had nothing work-related.

OP obviously can moan about it on here but can’t be bothered to nip it in the bud when she felt it was a problem.

It’s all SIL yet where is SIL’s husband in all of this when the kids are with OP. Is SIL going out by herself or is SIL with husband? If SIL is with husband which I can only guess is OP’s brother, why isn’t she upset at him too?

OP keeps saying RSV is just a cold and SIL is being hypocritical while saying SIL shouldn’t be dropping her kids off with a cold. Either it is a big deal or it isn’t.

And if it is a big deal, then she should have said something sooner about SIL bringing the kids poorly to her home in the first place. OP doesn’t have to watch the kids at all as she has proven NOW by saying she won’t have them anymore that she can’t kiss them.

She’ll soon change her mind when she’s looking for babysitters 🤣

RSV is not the common cold - it's caused by a different virus.

It absolutely is not just a cold. Its deadly for young children and the elderly. You could avoid all these issues by getting the RSV vaccine instead of complaining.

Seriously, where did you get this completely wrong, and dangerous idea from? Its so dangerous for babies and old people. It kills thousands every year.

You won't be happy until there is a child in the hospital. Or a dead one.

Why are people obsessed with kissing other peoples kids. Bloody weird. Just don’t. Mum & dad rules.

She didn’t mind until their mum produced this absolute hypocrisy, now she does. And you say she could say something- she has done exactly that now - said better they don’t se the nephew which given babysitting is weekly that’s clearly the main time they see him, it means no babysitting! But here you are having a go at her for saying that 😁

Who's saying you have to turn them away? There are plenty of ways to comfort a child without kissing them

Also, how do you even know they "want" that? They're not exactly old enough to say otherwise

Literally no one has suggested it's not limited to that, but you are 100% the one making this weird by defending this so vehemently

Last year’s strain of RSV was immense. The hospitals were overwhelmed.

My nearly 3 year old ended up with an 8 day stay for RSV followed by a 6 day stay for a secondary chest infection from RSV.

He technically has a CLD diagnosis from breathing support when he was born, but there were a variety of children of different ages in there. He went from a 4 bed ward (all positive for RSV), to a 9 bed ward overnight, and there were more than 1 RSV wards for a couple of days.

i get that you think it’s ridiculous, but their mother has set a boundary taking into account either her children’s health or someone close to them’s health. Your feelings about it don’t really matter. You need to decide whether you want to see them or not.

Also, you say they are not immunocompromised/ do not have any underlying illnesses. But you also say “they are the ones always ill” which explains why your SIL is concerned!

If you’re just seeing them then comply - however over protective.

Hiwever as you say you’re comforting them to sleep I think in that situation you have to say that you can’t or if she’s leaving them with you she can’t because you can’t meet their needs for comfort due to her rules.

Babysitters don't need to kiss other people's kids.

you are so angry
just refuse to have them if they are ill and don’t kiss them. Job done. A mother is aloud to put any rules she sees fit around the care of her children, even if you think it’s hypocritical
or of course you carry on doing you and run the risk of ruining a relationship with you DN’s just because you refuse to not kiss them. Surely seeing them and not kissing them is better than not seeing them at all?

Really? I wouldn’t. If she thinks she is being taken advantage of with baby sitting that is her issue, making it about RSV is childish - it’s a reasonable request.

If I have a cold I am worried about being around young children (which they are) and elderly people. So yes, I would be more cautious of passing things onto children and would therefore respect SIL request.

What virus do you think causes a “cold”? You do know a “cold” is not any particular virus? When people refer to having a cold it is just a collection of symptoms that we call a cold. But no one knows what virus has caused it unless they have been tested in a hospital. And yes RSV is one of the viruses that can cause cold symptoms. As are coronaviruses. The most common one is rhinovirus but there are also adenoviruses and many others. In fact, in some people even influenza can appear as a “cold”.

And as we all know, some of the above viruses can be severe in some people - especially the young and old. I’m not arguing whether or not people should avoid kissing/passing on illnesses. I just get annoyed when people latch on to a particular virus (Covid/RSV) and say they want to avoid that virus but a “cold” is just fine. A cold is not any one virus. It’s possible the kids in the OP had RSV one of the times they had a “cold” and came round the OPs house. One of the “colds” could have been covid. Everyone seems to get panicked at possible illnesses yet when they have a “cold” they brush it off as only a cold. Not realising that “cold” could actually be serious to others.