New DP useless around the house

[HanhanRuns]

DP moved in with me in July - his first time living away from home. I feel like I have to micro manage what he does to help out in terms of chores/housework and it’s already starting to grate. Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’.

Any tips for dealing with this? Other than sexual incentives or withdrawal of these services which seems to be the only advice I get from my friends and a couple of work colleagues!

He's learning that his gf doesn't want to sit in his piss or clear it up for him? That's not a complex process that's a 'tell him once' thing.

I think it's a last time sitting him down and tell him you're not the 'house manager' and you don't expect to be telling him what needs doing and when. You will tell him all the things you do around the house, once. You will show him, once. If he wants to have a rough split of responsibilities that take equal time, ok (although if one of you is ill or very busy with work or something or away, or things change (eg you buy a hoover that moves about by itself) the other one should automatically pick up the slack, not have a 'thats not my job' attitude. But if he is expecting more direction, reminders, negotiations, nagging, exemptions because he cba, or you to 'point out' things he doesn't see, or loads of time to 'learn' things that children can work out for yourselves, then the lack of respect and the resentment will ultimately kill your relationship so you may as well split now.

Either that or I'd tell him you're 'learning'what works best to clean up adults piss, and you've experimented with his clothes he's left lying around / his pillow

He ecan piss where he likes then OP and theres not much you can do about it

I would put him back out.

Oh Christ.

You never, ever, ever agree to jointly own a property with someone you have not yet lived with. Preferably for years, not months.

Ever.

Is he on the deeds?

You put him on your mortgage before you’d even lived with him properly?!

You have been very silly.

He did stay round a lot with no issues, it’s just since he’s here full time there has been problems

Did you seek legal advice before you let him go on the mortgage?! I have no idea why you would do this, financial 'pickle' or not!

He’s 2n years old and can’t aim straight to have a pee…..ffs, my 3 year old grandson can pee I to the toilet. Send him back to mummy the dirty pig

But you hadn’t actually lived together as a couple, and now you’d probably have to sell your house if you split up and you won’t be able to afford another one.

Well, he’s pissing to mark his territory then OP. As a previous poster said, nothing much you can do about it. Did you not take legal advice ?

Yes, I suspect that telling him that his favourite T-shirt will be used to wipe up any piss and his toothbrush will be used to scrub off any skidmarks he leaves on the toilet will be the quickest way to get results in this situation.

No, but we did speak to a broker who he’s friends with so were protected that way.

So what else is he remiss with? You have mentioned that he won't aim straight when using the loo...but there must be more?

but she has and that's why he's laughing at her and letting her clean up after him

You now have a man child to nurture, educate, feed, clean up after and have sex with. I hope the lump sum was worth it.

There's a difference between useless and lazy. Useless -wants to make an effort but is just shit at it. Lazy- treats those around them like skivvies because they have contempt for them.

WTF. Are you serious?

How are YOU protected?

You trusted his friend to advise you?!
His friend has no loyalty to you, he's on the side of men who feel they have the right to exploit women.
Dear god I hope this isnt real.

You’ve made your bed by letting him on your mortgage. I don’t think there’s a lot you can do now other than nagging him to death which will cause resentment and will wear you down or get him to pay for a daily cleaner.
I couldn’t live in a piss soaked bathroom, let alone any other issues. Raise your bar for relationships.

Men usually lift up the toilet seat before aiming? Doesn't BF lift the toilet seat up?

Oh dear 😬
Ernmm, ok so there is no point in a pile on telling the OP how foolish she's been.
I think if you give Mumsneters some details of exactly how you set this up (is he on the deeds? What did you contractually do with regards to ownership percentage ownership etc) they will be able to advise how you can get out of this situation with the least losses.....
And for the love of god we need to mount some sort of Mumsnet campaign on financial literacy and protecting your assets.....

My thoughts exactly. Unbelievable

Jesus @HanhanRuns I hate to say it but you’ve been really naive here.

He knows you’re powerless to just kick him out even when he’s shown you zero respect.

This isn’t someone who you can spend your life living with. You shouldn’t have to beg a grown adult to pull their weight in their own home.