New DP useless around the house

[HanhanRuns]

DP moved in with me in July - his first time living away from home. I feel like I have to micro manage what he does to help out in terms of chores/housework and it’s already starting to grate. Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’.

Any tips for dealing with this? Other than sexual incentives or withdrawal of these services which seems to be the only advice I get from my friends and a couple of work colleagues!

I wonder if this is a thread just to wind people up and get them frothing at the mouth due to the stupidity displayed?

Oh mate, you’re fucked.

Excellent post. The housework stuff is all a red herring- these are the real issues here.
But yes now hes got his feet under the table hes taking the piss- literally!!

Can this not become a pile-on berating the OP for her choices please?

I wouldn't have sex with someone who wasn't potty trained

If you can't shoot straight, sit down.

we did speak to a broker who he’s friends with so were protected that way.

What on earth do you mean?

Yep. Yet another one. Getting quite tedious now.

Oh ye gods.
You're housetraining him. His next girlfriend/wife will reap the benefits.
Get him off your mortgage and out of your home. Fast. He must be very good at talking the talk to have convinced you to let him buy into your asset.

Oh god. This wpuld piss me off and I couldnt deal with it. The reason I went for a slightly older man as my life partner who had his own house already and had been in the army and knew how to clean and iron 😂

After your last update I don’t think there’s much to say is there. It’s his house, he wants to piss on the seat and leave it there, good luck 🤷‍♀️

OP you don't have to defend your personal arrangements, financial or otherwise.

If this is real, OP, you need to see a solicitor. They can advise you exactly how big a mess you have got yourself into and whether there is any way you can pay him his money back and buy him out of your house, or sell your house without having to give him half the proceeds. Do this as soon as possible, not in five years' time when he is still pissing all over the toilet seat and has revealed his numerous other failings.

🙄

So he now owns a chuck of your house! You are stuck with the useless shite unless you sell. How does a broker HE knows protect YOU?

This thread keeps giving 😂

He's learning to use the toilet?

Really?

Bullshit.

He's 28 years old and this is what you get when you move a guy in who's never lived as a full adult.

He moved straight from mommy picking up and cleaning up after him and now you're the bangmaid. He also thinks you're an idiot. Given that you let him buy into your house, well, did you get legal advice before you did this? Did you see anyone besides his broker friend who doesn't have a fiduciary duty to you?

You've made really, really bad choices here and fucked yourself over picking an unfledged bf and letting him buy into the house before you saw that.

Go see a lawyer.

You mean HE was protected that way. You've given him 50% of your house. Very foolish of you.

Oh dear OP what a pickle, but you are where you are.

I would say in your position I am not prepared to live like this, neither am I his mother to teach him basic cleanliness so options are:

1. He shapes up pretty damn quick - look at you tube videos, whatever, and leans to keep a clean home without me teaching him. Deadline 2 weeks.
2. The house gets put on the market and you both live alone until he is capable of basic cleanliness
3. He buys you out of the property - you move out and again you don't live together again until he is a fully functioning clean human

Maybe put it in those terms and he will understand the seriousness of this. An unclean man who expects me to clear up after him is so deeply unattractive if he did not fix it, it would cause me to leave him personally.

ps I'm assuming you can't buy him out of his share given what you said about it having really helped you out but if you can that is even better

I would also immediately stop clearing up / cleaning up after him. Just let his shit (and piss!) lie about and if you have to use the toilet or some other unclean item call him over to deal with it. Every. Time. This is an interim measure until you enact one of the above.

The fact he was fine until he really moved in proper is a red flag to me that he CAN do it, he just chooses not to now he lives there as he doesn't have to try to impress you any more and has reverted to standard 'slob' for the little woman to sort out. Shape up or ship out.

I meant from the perspective of looking at equity, a fair amount for him to pay, future options with regards to Mortgage term etc. He’s regulated so hardly going to suggest anything untoward given it’s his job/reputation on the line, and it meant he gave us a good deal when it came to fees.

Could you elaborate that, OP? In what way were you protected?

Look @HanhanRuns you are about to get a lot of criticism here.... But if this is real then you need to really understand your legal position. Did you set up a deed of trust? Was it as tenants in common or joint tenants? You really should have both had independent legal advice.... It's not just about the mortgage but about who legally owns your property and what percentage. You must have signed something? Go and check...
Here's hoping the dp is an idiot and is paying her mortgage without legally being a co-owner
Once you know have a think about what you want to do and if you want to live years of your life with a slobby toddler. If not cut your losses now. You'll have to buy him out or sell up. Depends what/how you set things up but you might not be able to force him to sell without a lengthy battle.

HAs won't let you add a partner to the tenancy. Where I am they won't, for obvious reasons. If he is down as someone living there that means absolutely nothing.

Change the locks next time he goes out.

He's a wanker.

What is it with women moving in loosers with them- red flag, what grown man dosent have his own home??

This is a wind up surely - no one is that naive