New DP useless around the house

[HanhanRuns]

DP moved in with me in July - his first time living away from home. I feel like I have to micro manage what he does to help out in terms of chores/housework and it’s already starting to grate. Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’.

Any tips for dealing with this? Other than sexual incentives or withdrawal of these services which seems to be the only advice I get from my friends and a couple of work colleagues!

Literally how I interact with my teen. Why would you bother???

I voted YABU as what are you doing with this man-child? At 28 he should know how to use the toilet, and be house trained in general. If he doesn't have the innate decency to pull his weight around the house by now, he never will. Surely he should still be in the trying to impress you stage.

It's gone past the peeing issue into something far more serious.

It does seem a lot of people are missing the updates, the OP has legally signed 50% of her house over to this guy (who's lived there 3 months) on the advice of his mate the mortgage broker.

What would you vote to her signing over 50% of the house to him?

Unless you want to be dealing with this long-term I would seriously rethink the relationship. Men like this never really change.

I'm really sorry OP and it's not what you want to hear but a friend of mine did pretty much what you've done. And yes once he moved in and owned half the house he got nasty - same age coincidentally - started with the disrespecting in small ways and then escalated. It didn't end well. Please go and pay for some legal advice pronto on your own. He seemed really nice at first ....

He's not a man baby. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing.

He's literally marking his territory.

I honestly fear for this woman, this is a new relationship and already at this level of deception - it could get a hell a lot worse and darker.

Hes had his mate bamboozle her into signing over 50% of the house, how can it get worse!!!

This thread genuinely freaked me out a bit. The naivety is fucking terrifying.

Months?

Oh god OP please get independent legal advice re: the house!!

I really hope things work out OK.

How can someone be so naive and clueless never mind ridiculous. Piss on the floor is the least of your problems here.

Coercive control, physical abuse, financial control. Force her out of what was once her home and make it very hard for her to get back what is left of hers...

It can get much worse.

Surely apart from the physical the rest are underway already, agree on the physical though.

What do you think is stopping him giving advice that works for his mate, but not you?

If it turns out that he's advised you poorly, and all his advice has improved his mate's financial situation, what do you think you'd do about it? Leave a bad review on social media? What come-back have you got? Do you really think you'd get around to submitting a watertight complaint to the Financial Conduct Authority?

He hasn't risked his job at all, has he?

You need to get independent financial advice from someone who isn't already involved in this situation.

It’s sounds like you’ve pretty much offered him 50% of your house on the ‘unbiased’ advice of HIS friend.
I think this will come back to bite you on the arse sadly and will be a hard lesson learned.

Good point. Unfortunately OP really didn't see it and understandably has bolted from the thread, mostly likely in shock at the potential gravity of the situation - and not just the financial mire she's put herself in. She really started on this thread very flippantly and i really feel for her. Hope she gets out of this OK.

Agreed, I hope she's OK - lets hope she gets proper advice from a lawyer.

OP if you are still reading maybe start a new thread if you need support and put all the info in the OP - some people will say you have been silly, and of course you have, but there will be nuggets of support.

But, do, do, do go to a solicitor ASAP and find out where you stand.

Did he piss all over the toilet seat and floor at his parents house and his parents just got on their knees to scrub it? wow.

I don't think witholding sex is going to fix anything Tell him that you don't believe he is not capable of doing chores. Sit down and list all the chores that needs to be done. As a homeowner and human adult he needs to participate equally to an acceptable standard without being nagged within a mutually accepted timeline. If he doesn't, then it means he doesn't care and has no respect for you and your joint household. And tell him that and if he is happy to be in a relatiosnhip where he doesn't respect his partner. Also divide tasks that can be done individually, like you both do your own laundry etc.

Reason I bring the respect thing was because it helped with my bf. He absolutely refused to clean mirror that he made messy (he brushes his teeth llike one inch from the mirror). I asked him to clean it. He didn't see it as a bgi deal and didn't. I told him that I can't put on my contacts when the mirror is dirty and it literally feels like he is spitting in my face. Mirror has been cleaned everyday since then. Similarly my friends BIL was visiting and he was drunk and could not aim. Friend asked her husband to clean the mess. He was a bit no big deal and my friend aske if he really appreciated her so much that she has to clean up his familys's piss? He scrubbed it out.

@HomericEpithet ,

HanhanRuns · Today 16:51
PsychoHotSauce · Today 16:49
Did you seek legal advice before you let him go on the mortgage?! I have no idea why you would do this, financial 'pickle' or not!
No, but we did speak to a broker who he’s friends with so were protected that way.

The friend is probably a mortgage broker, and it will probably will be OP's word against the broker's.

And there is probably nothing wrong with the mortgage deal - and that's what the broker is regulated on. He is not regulated on legal advice, which he would doubtless deny ever giving!

Precisely. My post was meant to quote the following from the OP, but I screwed up due to an accidental refresh

I meant from the perspective of looking at equity, a fair amount for him to pay, future options with regards to Mortgage term etc. He’s regulated so hardly going to suggest anything untoward given it’s his job/reputation on the line, and it meant he gave us a good deal when it came to fees.

His job was not on the line and he knew it was never going to be.

I am a mother of four boys, all of whom are now over 30.
i taught them from an early age, about 6 upwards to sit down and pee. They’re quite physically able to do this and although not always possible if only urinals available they all still do it. As the only female living in a house with 5 men I had no intention of sitting on a wet seat or having to wipe it!
tell him again and if he still keeps doing it send him back home to his mother. All good habits, and bad start at home.

Oh OP

He's not 'learning'.

He's used work toilets. He's been a guest in people's homes. I bet he didn't piss all over his aunty Louise's floor, did he?

He's just a selfish lazy pig