Differences (rep Ireland) Irish V UK

[Sillysandy]

I am Irish living in Ireland. My DH is British, he is an immigrant who grew up in London but had lived for 20 years in Ireland when I met him.

I discovered mumsnet about 8 years ago when I took on a sort of stepmum role and was flabbergasted at some of the stories, attitudes and opinions.

I still found the site extremely helpful, often giving me clarity on situations which would cause me a lot of angst.

However when I talk to friends and family members living in the UK I realise that a lot is to do with cultural differences.

It's amazing given how close geographically we are.

Attitudes to money, marriage, divorce, wedding gifts, abortion, house purchases, communication with friends are so far from anything I've seen in my circles.

To give my pov; (these are all generalisations) we get married later, we stay married, we don't consider abortion unless it's very particular circumstances, we are indirect about money "I'll get this one, you can get the next one (but it is LAW you only accept if you are buying back)" and sending bank details for a small amount would be horrifyingly rude, you only attend a wedding with a card containing at least 100 euro pp, you usually get married in your mid thirties, your kids are mainly all with the one father, we hide behind humour until we know a person very well, we don't report benefit fraud, we laugh a lot more... That's just off the top of my head.

The other thing is that most Irish people know all about English Irish historical tensions but many English people are utterly oblivious.

YABU You're talking out of your ass
YANBU The differences are enormous

I'd love to hear some thoughts on this. In my line of work now I do a weekly call with my UK based team and I always notice subtle differences in attitude.

All women’s experiences vary but my point I don’t think there is that big a difference culturally.

Yes of course you are correct. I think I'm making my point very clumsily, certainly not all Irish women were traumatised like me.

What I was trying to say -

Everyone (Irish and English women) has different emotions to work through it but irish people also have an added layer of shit to deal with.

Honestly, I think that was in large part situational.

Forcing pregnant women to access termination in another state, however they feel about their decision, cannot but add difficulty, expense and other complexities that may have nothing at all to do with the fact of terminating a pregnancy.

There's an enormous difference between seeing your own GP for medication that will end your pregnancy, and to be able to end it in the comfort of your own home, and the way things were in the eighties especially, when even accessing abortion information was illegal, and you were often going on the ferry because flights were so expensive, sometimes alone, to have an invasive surgical procedure in a strange country and stay overnight in a B and B if you were lucky, otherwise you were bleeding into a pad on a boat. It's not surprising it felt to some women like a kind of international walk of shame.

Surely guests will Revolut their Irish wedding gifts to the B+G or either of them these days. Come on, ROI is very tech savvy didn't you know lol. 😊

Then the B+G can take out cash or use their own Revolut account (fully loaded after all the money given) to settle bills at the hotel, pay for the honeymoon, and withdraw cash for the cute hoors (under the radar tax wise) wedding band.

I'd say everyone in ROI has a Revolut card/account now. And if they don't they musn't have Whatsapp either - the dinosaurs.

Oh and another thing, Irish weddings always (IME) have a live band, then a DJ after, then a sing song in the residents bar until all hours. None of this disco and home by 11pm like the English weddings I've been at. Last one in England was 7 or so years ago, so things might have changed. I gave 100 quid. I hope they were shocked!

The band and dj like cash though. So a wad is used.
I have a revolut account and whatsapp. I'm not sure that I'm tech savvy.

I did mention that the band are cash merchants! Withdrawals can be made from a Revolut account at ATM - as you know. Many of my older relatives don't have Revolut or any of that mullarkey of internet banking on the phone, so yes they may give cash in a wedding card. I'm older too for the record late 60s, before I'm accused of age bias or something.

I don't drink alcohol so FWIW weddings in general (especially the Irish ones!) are very long days hanging around, starving, waiting for the dinner bell whilst getting pissed (not me obv, I'm saintly Aunt Joan), on prosecco and finger treats. Ah look it - an Irish wedding is something to behold, but I've been to so many now that I roll my eyes if an invite arrives these days. I more often than not decline, but send the moolah anyway. Immediate family are the exception of course, I never decline those.

UK weddings end early enough, I thank them for that.

I think payment in advance would be helpful for the happy couple to budget on the big day. There was a wedding social content creator on the radio this morning who wanders through the guests taking photos for your insta. Another expense!

Last wedding (Ireland in a castle no less), had a photo booth, a sweet stand, and just as the band was finishing before the DJ took over, there were mini fish and chips, happily devoured by all. Probably many other distractions aswell that I missed. Long day like I said.

Oh and many Irish weddings are now Three Day Events. Wedding, BBQ next day (and do it all over again), and hungover breakfast gathering on day 3. You'd be feckin wrecked!

Last English wedding i went to had photo booth and sweet stand too. Not in a castle though.

This is where the Castle wedding was held. Gorgeous place, but must have cost an arm and a leg - well the guests' arms and legs (the wedding card money) lol 😊

www.kilkeacastle.ie/weddings/

On another thread, and I don't know is this a UK/Ireland difference or a different house differences. But in our house we write a letter to Santa asking for 3 things, and come down in the morning and he's left presents and a few extra bits- maybe in a stocking or a sack. But the stocking bit isn't seperate as such.

There's loads of different ways of doing Father Christmas. I don't think there's any unified UK way of doing it.

We do stockings only from FC and it's just little bits. Everything else is from whoever it is from and goes under the tree as soon as it's wrapped. Some do everything from FC. Some do only stockings from FC but he still delivers everything so it's hidden away till Xmas Eve.

I was at a wedding in Ireland in a castle two weeks ago and there was a selection of nibbles and drinks (beer, prosecco, squash) all freely available with tea/coffee/biccies while the B&G got pics taken. Then a 4 course meal followed by speeches and a DJ, no band in sight, no sweet cart, no photo booths, later on there was more nibbles put on the tables with wedding favours and all wine and beer etc was free and handed out all evening. Well worth the 300euro cash we put in the card but we were in bed by 11 as it was a very long but enjoyable day.

Oh yes the stocking thing really does vary a lot. We never had them really but my friends did. Now I make a big fuss of them with my DC.

'Father Christmas' however I had never heard of before Mumsnet. Santa all the way...