Differences (rep Ireland) Irish V UK

[Sillysandy]

I am Irish living in Ireland. My DH is British, he is an immigrant who grew up in London but had lived for 20 years in Ireland when I met him.

I discovered mumsnet about 8 years ago when I took on a sort of stepmum role and was flabbergasted at some of the stories, attitudes and opinions.

I still found the site extremely helpful, often giving me clarity on situations which would cause me a lot of angst.

However when I talk to friends and family members living in the UK I realise that a lot is to do with cultural differences.

It's amazing given how close geographically we are.

Attitudes to money, marriage, divorce, wedding gifts, abortion, house purchases, communication with friends are so far from anything I've seen in my circles.

To give my pov; (these are all generalisations) we get married later, we stay married, we don't consider abortion unless it's very particular circumstances, we are indirect about money "I'll get this one, you can get the next one (but it is LAW you only accept if you are buying back)" and sending bank details for a small amount would be horrifyingly rude, you only attend a wedding with a card containing at least 100 euro pp, you usually get married in your mid thirties, your kids are mainly all with the one father, we hide behind humour until we know a person very well, we don't report benefit fraud, we laugh a lot more... That's just off the top of my head.

The other thing is that most Irish people know all about English Irish historical tensions but many English people are utterly oblivious.

YABU You're talking out of your ass
YANBU The differences are enormous

I'd love to hear some thoughts on this. In my line of work now I do a weekly call with my UK based team and I always notice subtle differences in attitude.

Where'd you get those numbers, I see 0.7 Ireland to 8.5 UK

I was making a different point; that as Irish people we are not good at being DIRECT. So an English person who thinks these differences don't exist could definitely be unaware of them.

For example;

"Thanks for coming" while muttering "handed me over an empty card"

In the pp's case she is travelling for a wedding, if the bride attended her wedding she would not be expecting a 100 cash gift.... Like the rounds at the bar it all evens out. She's fine.

It was the Google AI overview from a search but clicking on the link it says 1.7 on Divorce.com for the UK then 1.9 in the Irish Times.

I think the differences must be if stats are based on people or married people

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/divorce/bulletins/divorcesinenglandandwales/2023#marriages-ending-in-divorceq

Don’t know why you consider a low divorce rate positive. why women can’t leave abusive husband.

I think they might be looking at the EU average instead of the UK average. Your figures tally with the office of national statistics.

Also average marriage age is also incorrect. In ireland it’s 35.9 years for brides and 37.7 years for grooms; in the Uk it is 30 for brides and 32 for grooms.

I don't think the OP said it was a positive, only that it was low, compared to other countries.

I think it will rise over time as lingering Catholicism dies off generationally. Because if you're a devout Catholic of my parents' generation, you can't remarry in the Church once divorced, which removes part of the logic of divorcing rather than simply separating. And annulments are vanishingly difficult to get.

And of course Irish women can leave abusive husbands. If they don't, it will be for the same reason that women in the UK don't leave, if they don't leave, the reasons that come up all the time on Mn -- mostly economic vulnerability, and/fear of a man they don't trust having their children living with him 50% of the time. Not because they legally can't leave.

Oh FFS here we go again. When did I say the Irish way was better?

It’s about 6-7% in the UK, so very similar

Yes, it’s more accessible in Ireland though, because it’s a good deal cheaper. So it’s interesting that the figures are still about the same.

I’m from Dublin and DH grew up in a very rural area and I sometimes feel like I’m in a different country when I visit his home town.
There are big differences between Dublin and rural Ireland. Love my inlaws, but MIL is a total Hyacinth Bucket and plenty of DH’s old pals would have snobby comments to make about Dubs.
Another difference between ROI and the UK is that you are not guaranteed a school place for your child, even if you live right next door to the school. My DS is in a private school because I couldn’t get a secondary school place for him in a school that was easy to get to on public transport.

How lovely of you to come on here and insult English people while insisting how friendly and kind the Irish are.

Everyone I know in England is perfectly laid back about money, thanks. Nobody I know has ever reported benefit fraud. Etc etc

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Show me where I said the Irish are kind and friendly

Show me where I insulted English people.

Some other idiot was offended precisely because reporting benefit fraud is a good thing.

And no I'm not insulting English people, I'm insulting the individual fools who are determined to find criticism where none was intended. That's your own insecurities.

Honestly op. I’m not sure if you intended to insult either Irish or British people but making sweeping generalisations (even whilst saying you know that you’re making generalisations) is bound to raise heckles. This has just become another veiled ‘oh look aren’t Irish people just better’ threads. Newsflash. Neither are better. We’re all (both countries) full of mainly nice people with a few arseholes chucked in. Both countries.

Honestly poster,

Newsflash: If YOU choose to be offended or decide that commenting on differences is a veiled "Irish are better" then that is up to you and there is nothing I can do about it.

The perception that this thread is about "Irish people/ways being better than the English" says more about the reading comprehension levels and general chip on the shoulder that some people carry.

The OP has repeatedly stated that one culture is not better than the other just different. 🤷

This is so true! And then even within Dublin. I think there have been lots of threads on more Irish forums like boards.ie etc. It makes sense, the same way that threads here about different parts of that UK throw up loads of subtle differences.

Thank you.

It's so boring.

If the topic isn't relevant to you just scroll by and read another thread that is.

Anyways - back to more differences even between boggers/ culchies and jackeens.

• Dinner in the middle of the day
• The back door as the main entry point and the front door only for the priest/guards/coffin
• The holy communion as the dress rehearsal for the wedding, large cash amounts included.
• Following on from the communion, the perception that someone is tight with money if they are said to be still living off their communion money.
• Being able to mind a gap, stack a load of turf and complain about going to the bog on a sunny day
• the two fingered greeting from the steering wheel as you pass a neighbour in the car

Hahahaha,

I'm actually living in north county Dublin now and I had to get used to the car finger stuff. On the southside they never acknowledge you.

I don't think I've ever walked in my country relatives front door. No door is ever locked.

Communion money is a minefield! We weren't allowed to be paraded up and down the street as it was chavvy (can't remember what word was used in the 80s). But all my classmates cleaned up. There's different levels of hierarchy payment for that too; family, godchild, friends child etc.

I’m in the country and we all use front doors here. Main meal in the evening as people working/at school all day. May be different if you’re farming I suppose, though the ones I know all have partners who work full time. I’ve never cut turf. The salute is a thing for sure, but only on smaller roads. It doesn’t matter if you know the person.

I think partly it’s about social class being less stratified — no one sends their child to private school in Ireland under the impression it’s going to magically elevate them, or give them this elusive confidence or ‘polish’ that gets wistfully talked about on Mn threads about private schools. Plus, I honestly think the education on offer is much of a muchness, in that most schools here offer a decent education. I have godsons at Glenstal and St Killian’s, and friends’ children I know well at St Columba’s, and the children are as ordinary as at DS’s secondary.

The salute is definitely a rural road thing. You greet everyone in case you cause offense by ignoring a neighbour. There are different versions, one finger, two fingers, a whole wave, the culchie head nod. The last one is hard to describe unless you've seen it in action, kind of a twist down to one side.

The back door is definitely for the farms. My rellies are farmers, we all learned how to milk the cows by hand, turn the turf etc.