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Original poster

Differences (rep Ireland) Irish V UK

539 replies

Sillysandy · 11/09/2025 14:16

I am Irish living in Ireland. My DH is British, he is an immigrant who grew up in London but had lived for 20 years in Ireland when I met him.

I discovered mumsnet about 8 years ago when I took on a sort of stepmum role and was flabbergasted at some of the stories, attitudes and opinions.

I still found the site extremely helpful, often giving me clarity on situations which would cause me a lot of angst.

However when I talk to friends and family members living in the UK I realise that a lot is to do with cultural differences.

It's amazing given how close geographically we are.

Attitudes to money, marriage, divorce, wedding gifts, abortion, house purchases, communication with friends are so far from anything I've seen in my circles.

To give my pov; (these are all generalisations) we get married later, we stay married, we don't consider abortion unless it's very particular circumstances, we are indirect about money "I'll get this one, you can get the next one (but it is LAW you only accept if you are buying back)" and sending bank details for a small amount would be horrifyingly rude, you only attend a wedding with a card containing at least 100 euro pp, you usually get married in your mid thirties, your kids are mainly all with the one father, we hide behind humour until we know a person very well, we don't report benefit fraud, we laugh a lot more... That's just off the top of my head.

The other thing is that most Irish people know all about English Irish historical tensions but many English people are utterly oblivious.

YABU You're talking out of your ass
YANBU The differences are enormous

I'd love to hear some thoughts on this. In my line of work now I do a weekly call with my UK based team and I always notice subtle differences in attitude.

OP posts:
eggandonion · 18/09/2025 22:43

I'm going for coffee with Anne Marie's mammy tomorrow.

To the cafe beside the agricultural co op.

PaxAeterna · 18/09/2025 22:58

GentlemenPreferBuzzcuts · 18/09/2025 10:12

Yes! I was completely baffled by DS’s C of E village school’s censorious attitude to Halloween! The vicar came in one year and talked about how unchristian it was. It was never seen as in any way problematic in my devoutly Catholic childhood, or incompatible with Catholic doctrine. We used to dress up (well, masks and bin bags) and do apple-bobbing at school, and we used to go trick or treating (though didn’t call it that then) to the parish priest’s house!

Show quote history

i hate to laugh at this. I never noticed when I was living in the uk (pre children) but I have an African neighbour who I have become friendly with and she was completely horrified that I was squirting fake blood on my 5 year old for her zombie cheer leader costume for school for their halloween celebration. I never realised that there was any controversy about this.

Having grown up in a deeply catholic family I was very insistent being Christian and dressing up as a serial killer and knocking on strangers doors for sweets are not incompatible. She reluctantly let her kids join in but remains unconvinced about some devil association and Halloween.

Olderbutt · 18/09/2025 23:16

bigwhitedog · 11/09/2025 20:13

Another thing I don't get about English funerals aside from the slower turnaround, which I don't know if it's better or worse, is all the handwringing I see on here about bringing children to them. Once there was a woman tying herself in knots on here wondering if she should bring her 16 year old to her father's (child's grandad) funeral. The teenager had no additional needs or vulnerabilities. That wouldn't even be a question amongst the vast majority of Irish people.

Tbh I think what you read is far from the 'norm'. Most British people would be astonished if a 16 year old Grandchild wasn't present at a funeral.

verybighouseinthecountry · 19/09/2025 06:22

eggandonion · 18/09/2025 22:43

I'm going for coffee with Anne Marie's mammy tomorrow.

To the cafe beside the agricultural co op.

God forgive you, spending money on yourself when there's children at home. That's a mortal sin, I'm telling you.

Shayisgreat · 19/09/2025 08:31

verybighouseinthecountry · 18/09/2025 22:24

My sister is married to (well they are getting divorced) an Irish man from somewhere south in Ireland, he lived in Dublin and then moved to NI, where my sister was working and after marriage they moved back to our home city. I follow a number of people in his family on Facebook and they have strong tendencies that may only be in his family, but I don't see this much in UK:

  • they have so many women called Annmarie
  • baby names are often repeated in the family, after a relative
  • weddings are very overdressed, big up do's. Same for Holy Communion and christenings. Every single woman at these events is sure they are the best dressed
  • use of certain phrases 'some woman for one woman/I swear on my kids lives/that's a mortal sin
  • martyrdom complex "I never spend money on myself, it all goes on the children" said by women who regularly get hair/nails/tan done.
  • very friendly and familiar from day one.

BIL is now in his early 60s and from quite a working class background, so things might be completely different in uounger/MC circles

GrinGrinGrin

I recognise so many of these!

eggandonion · 19/09/2025 08:33

My ds is certain that he is the only person in Ireland without an uncle Noel.

Shayisgreat · 19/09/2025 08:39

My siblings and I are the only ones in our wider family who haven't used "family names" for our children.

Shame because Michael, William/Liam, Colm, and David are all lovely names! Brendan not as much!

bigwhitedog · 19/09/2025 08:47

eggandonion · 19/09/2025 08:33

My ds is certain that he is the only person in Ireland without an uncle Noel.

I don't have one but I do have two auntie Mary and two uncle Liam 😂

verybighouseinthecountry · 19/09/2025 09:00

eggandonion · 19/09/2025 08:33

My ds is certain that he is the only person in Ireland without an uncle Noel.

Do the Uncle Noel's all have a daughter called Leon? Was at my nephew's wedding and one of his 'cousins' (about ten times removed) was a woman called Leon. I assumed I had misheard her and she said it's common in her neck of the Irish woods that Noel's name their daughter Leon.

GentlemenPreferBuzzcuts · 19/09/2025 09:06

verybighouseinthecountry · 19/09/2025 09:00

Do the Uncle Noel's all have a daughter called Leon? Was at my nephew's wedding and one of his 'cousins' (about ten times removed) was a woman called Leon. I assumed I had misheard her and she said it's common in her neck of the Irish woods that Noel's name their daughter Leon.

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Not that I’ve heard of, but in my neck of the woods, men are called Florence, pronounced Flurrence, generally abbreviated to Flor.

Scentofgeranium · 19/09/2025 09:28

Is Flor pronounced Flur then? As in Flurry Knox. Or as Flor?

I don’t know anyone called Leon though I do know a few Noels, but maybe I’m just in a different part of the country.

Slimtoddy · 19/09/2025 09:33

Am Irish. The thing I notice most is the indirect way of communicating. In my family I was the direct one but in UK I am constantly asked to - say what you mean. I am apparently indirect. If they met my family their heads would explode!

The thing I miss most is the banter and the humour. Although I have cultivated friendships with English people who are good at banter and storytelling but inevitably they tell me of some Irish connection.

Don't know if it's just my family but I find there is a strong desire to talk politics in Ireland.

Teaforthetotal · 19/09/2025 09:50

Dappy777 · 11/09/2025 16:10

I agree about our ignorance regarding Irish history. It has nothing to do with arrogance or contempt, however. The Irish are generally well-liked in the UK (it would be odd if they weren't, considering that most of us have Irish ancestors). And Irish writers are much admired. But the Irish forget that to the British Ireland and the Irish troubles don't loom very large. In some ways, Irish identity is rooted in opposition to Britain. To the British, however, the great 'events' of our history have little to do with Ireland. They are (working backwards) Dunkirk, the speeches of Churchill, Spitfires and the Battle of Britain, WW1 (the 1914 Christmas truce, the first day of the Somme), the Empire, the wars with Napoleon, Waterloo, the Industrial Revolution, the Civil War and execution of the king, the Elizabethan period (explorers like Drake and Raleigh, writers like Shakespeare and Ben Johnson, etc), the Tudors, the Wars of the Roses and Agincourt, the Norman Conquest/1066, the Anglo-Saxon period, the Vikings, etc, etc.

And those events are bound up with literature. So to us, WW1 means the poetry of Wilfred Owen and Siegfried Sassoon, the Victorian period means Tennyson, the Industrial Revolution and its horrors mean Dickens, the Regency period is Jane Austen, the 18th-century is Pope and Blake and Boswell and Johnson, the Civil Wars is Milton, the Elizabethan period is Shakespeare and John Donne, the Medieval period is Chaucer, and so on. Oh, and there's the Romantic poets (Blake, Wordsworth, Coleridge, Keats, Byron, Shelley), and I guess the Tudors now means Hilary Mantel. You see, there is just so much of it to study – I mean for those who take an interest (many British people are just as ignorant about their own history as they are about Irish history).

I think another reason is that to the British the Irish fall into a special category of 'foreign but not quite foreign,' along with the Australians, New Zealanders and Canadians.

You sound very insular.

KoalaKoKo · 19/09/2025 10:29

Slimtoddy · 19/09/2025 09:33

Am Irish. The thing I notice most is the indirect way of communicating. In my family I was the direct one but in UK I am constantly asked to - say what you mean. I am apparently indirect. If they met my family their heads would explode!

The thing I miss most is the banter and the humour. Although I have cultivated friendships with English people who are good at banter and storytelling but inevitably they tell me of some Irish connection.

Don't know if it's just my family but I find there is a strong desire to talk politics in Ireland.

Same! I love going home as I find you can suddenly start chatting to a stranger like you’ve known them for years! There are some parents of my daughter’s friends that I have barely said hello to in over 18 months as I try to introduce myself and they look at me like I am being weird by talking to them (obvs not everyone).

My partner’s family (English) has banned all talk of politics. His dad’s partner is a bit right wing and anti immigrant so very politically different to us (though she seems to have mellowed a bit recently), we always spoke politely and rationally about it but would sometimes correct misinformation. They decided at some point that my partner speaks down to her and his dad when debating politics so it is now a banned topic! Current affairs and news stories are also off the table, it is pretty boring visiting as I never know what I am allowed to talk about.

My family are the polar opposite, if I message my mum about anything in the news at 8am she’ll already have read the newspapers. We all have big arguments about politics and it gets animated but no one actually gets offended. My older brother changes his politics as often as you’d change your jumper so he gets the most slagging! Board games similar - my brother’s ex (American) started to cry once as she said we were all being so mean to each other but it was all banter and everyone was laughing, completely baffled me!

eggandonion · 19/09/2025 12:22

McCarthys are often Florence whether male or female. Also Justin or Justine.
Although pp has a long list of British events there was plenty of Irish involvement...whether joining the British services or writing great works in Engish or as civil servants in the Empire. (Having visited war cemeteries in Belgium there are an incredible amount of graves of service personnel from across the world).

Lottapianos · 19/09/2025 12:53

'There are some parents of my daughter’s friends that I have barely said hello to in over 18 months as I try to introduce myself and they look at me like I am being weird by talking to them (obvs not everyone).'

I remember experiencing that for the first time after I moved to London - saying 'hi I'm Lotta' with a smile and the other person saying 'oh right' or 'ok' instead of introducing themselves back! Bizarre! Plenty of English people would agree that this is a basic social skills issue

Dappy777 · 19/09/2025 13:08

Teaforthetotal · 19/09/2025 09:50

You sound very insular.

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I don't care what you think. I already know what my identity is. I don't need your permission.

GentlemenPreferBuzzcuts · 19/09/2025 13:08

Scentofgeranium · 19/09/2025 09:28

Is Flor pronounced Flur then? As in Flurry Knox. Or as Flor?

I don’t know anyone called Leon though I do know a few Noels, but maybe I’m just in a different part of the country.

Pronounced Flur. Yes, like Flurry Knox (Edith Somerville was from McCarthy territory in Cork. As a pp said, traditional McCarthy name, but not limited to McCarthys.)

User79853257976 · 19/09/2025 13:18

100 euro pp!?

JHound · 19/09/2025 13:30

we don't consider abortion unless it's very particular circumstances

Thousands of Irish women used to travel to England for abortions.

Scentofgeranium · 19/09/2025 13:36

GentlemenPreferBuzzcuts · 19/09/2025 13:08

Pronounced Flur. Yes, like Flurry Knox (Edith Somerville was from McCarthy territory in Cork. As a pp said, traditional McCarthy name, but not limited to McCarthys.)

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Oh dear, I think I’ve been saying it wrong so. There was a big electrical retailer in Cork, Flor Griffins. They had a number of shops but closed down about 10 or 15 years ago now. I, and all of my family, pronounced it Flor. I’m not from Cork city though, so probably it was Flur there?

I know a Justin McCarthy, never realised it was a McCarthy name.

Scentofgeranium · 19/09/2025 13:38

User79853257976 · 19/09/2025 13:18

100 euro pp!?

Yes, usually, or more.
It’s just different customs in different places.

Scentofgeranium · 19/09/2025 13:39

User79853257976 · 19/09/2025 13:18

100 euro pp!?

Sorry, double posted.

Evaka · 19/09/2025 13:41

bigwhitedog · 19/09/2025 08:47

I don't have one but I do have two auntie Mary and two uncle Liam 😂

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Three aunt Marys over here ( 2 in laws). Also my middle name and my mum's.

eggandonion · 19/09/2025 13:59

I have a customer who is Flor not Flur...he's from Kinsale direction.